


Happier With You

by Eyemoonx657



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd & Donna Troy _Freeform, Jason isn't over Dick, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Roy Harper is a good friend, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-04-21 16:22:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 62,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14288796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eyemoonx657/pseuds/Eyemoonx657
Summary: He knew Dick was over him, he was married after all, but...Jason just wanted to help the man he once loved, but soon, he found out the problem was deeper than what he could possibly think of.........





	1. Chapter 1

They reached the beautiful flight attendant's house. Jason walked her to her house, she smiled at him, too sweet for his liking to devour. Really, it suited her gorgeous face, gave her a daring look, but Jason had already learned to love another one.

She stared at him with those pale blues, she had a stunning sky blue gaze, she was beautiful. Jason stared back into those blues, he wanted those blue gravities to sink him down, but they just couldn't. They weren't blue enough, nobody's was blue enough.

One might have thought, out of sight out of mind was true, but that was exactly his problem. Dick was gone, he was out of his sight, but he wasn't out of his heart, and Jason seemed to have a heart heavier than his brain.

She leaned forward and those soft lips touched his, breath warm against his cheeks, perfume sweet, touch so light, gentle mouth coaxing his mouth, Izabel was standing before him, looking breathtaking as ever. So Jason kissed her back. It was easy to get lost in the heat of the kiss, because it was easier than him, easier than her. It was easier than looking at those blue eyes and ignore the fact that they weren't the same blues, easier than lying to himself that he didn't care, that he wanted to stay there. So he kissed the complications away.

She giggled. He opened his eyes to look at her, because if he kept them closed, he would hear another set of giggles, another pair of eyes with a different shade. No, he wanted that person to be Izabel.

He looked at her, but he wasn't really seeing her. He was standing there kissing her, but running away in real.

Damn it, Jason.

**********

 

He rode his motorcycle to his place, which happened to be his his work place too. The tall building that held neon lights, loud music and drunk people at the bottom floor of outlaws club, and held shelters for Jason and a bunch of other kids at the top floors. Two individual floors were Jason's, the floor which let to the rooftop and the section of the building he called home. He used the last floor for his workout equipments, since he didn't want to bother anyone when he, or the students he trained there, got too loud. His own room was beneath that floor, so he was sure no angry neighbor would come knocking at his door to keep it down.

Although he didn't do teaching anymore, he hadn't moved his stuff to rent the room, that section opened up rooftop and if he could, he totally would have lived there. Jason had two floors for himself, but would give them away for the rooftop. It was an obsession, he was like an addict, who would only relax if could feel the city breathing before him. He and Dick used to sneak up on rooftops all the time to watch the city and its people while snuggling together because of the chilly atmosphere. He could still recognize the stars they made stories about on the rooftop of the manor. Up there, was their place, where they laughed, joked and kissed the fuck out of each other. Rooftop make out sessions were always hot, up there was full of feelings, lustful memories, love and Dick.

Damn it.

Dick was gone. He left Jason, but it was like he never did. Because everything Jason did then, seemed to remind him of Dick. His obsession for skin contact and the touch starved thing Jason had, was because of him. While he used to be all about being reserved and maintaining personal spaces, Dick was all about skin contact and would have touched him every chance he got, he knew zero about personal spaces and would have made sure to hug and snuggle with Jason every time they met. Dick was all physical connection and invading personal zone, to the point that Jason felt naked when he wasn't around. He was gone then and left Jason like an addict behind, who would seek physical contact where he could get.

He tried lying to himself that he just simply enjoyed the closeness, but he knew better. Dick had changed him. He was gone then, but Jason would never be the same person anymore.

God, he felt pathetic. He couldn't think for a minute without his mind wandering off to that beautiful blue.

That was wrong. He shouldn't have been having those thoughts. Dick was with Barbara and he was happy. If he could move on, then so could Jason.

It has been so long, Jason still wasn't over him yet, because as soon as he stopped thinking about Dick for a while, his gorgeous face would be shown up on the screen. Dick would smile and Jason would be heads over hills in love with him again. But then paparazzi would show _"This beauty redhead in his arms"_ and Jason would be reminded that _'You only miss something you can't have'._

Dick was Barbara's and Jason was a miserable loser.

He parked his bike and moved pass the line of people waiting to enter his club. He didn't bother to respond to their grouses that mostly said. "Hey, why is that guy allowed to go?" or "You gotta wait in the line you asshole." But they all would eventually shut up  when they saw the doorman greeting with an authority that only a boss would have on his employees.

"Sir." He moved to allow Jason to enter.

"Hey. Any trouble tonight?"

"No, sir."

"Good." And he moved into the club. His employees all called him Jason or boss, they used the latter because it used to piss him off, but it just became a habit then, and he didn't mind it that much anymore. He was usually friendly with his crew, but when it boiled down to business, he could be down right scary and serious as hell. That was why the doorman, Conner, greeted him with formality, so nobody would get any ideas as to sweet talk their way in.

The music got louder as he approached and it was as good as ever, it was to no surprise, Kyle was one hell of a DJ. Kyle Rayner and Jason had been buddies through a mutual friend. Kyle was from L.A and he did modeling there, but it never seemed to be enough as he always loved music, beat and excitement of increasing heart beats. So when he heard about Jason's club, he moved to Gotham to work for him. At the beginning, Jason was reluctant to hire him, because Kyle's girlfriend, Donna Troy, was Jason's ex, and Jason was quite protective of her. So he was a bit wary of him, but Donna, the said mutual friend, managed to convince him to give Kyle a chance, and now he was very grateful he took her advice. Because not only was Kyle an amazing DJ, but he was also a great friend too.

They became best buddies in no time. After a while, Kyle started modeling again, which proved to be beneficial for both parties, it made him more famous and increased the club's reputation for having a DJ, who was also a handsome model. Jason had no idea why he had decided to stay with him. Whenever he asked, Kyle would answer. _"I'm doing this because it helps me to be a famous musician, not that I want to make money that way."_ And as long as he helped Jason making money, he wouldn't argue with that.

Kyle winked and waved a hand at him when he noticed Jason. He waved back , moved to the bar where Roy was pouring whiskey for somebody. When he noticed Jason approaching, he went a little tense, he motioned for Stephanie to cover for him and gave Jason a look to follow him.

Did Jason do something that pissed him off? Did something happened while he was gone? Jesus, he could never get a break. He followed Roy to his own office, and only when they were safe inside the closed doors, did Jason broke the silent."What is it buddy? Did someone die?"

Roy gave him a look, which said that he was ready to snapped someone's head off, but he was containing himself because he couldn't do shit about it. Jason didn't make a comment about that look, just kept quiet and waited for his respond. Roy didn't seem to be in the mood for one of Jason's puns anyway.

A minute passed, but no answer came. Roy just stared at Jason with his expression changing from pissed off to understanding and sympathy.

Well, shit. He was just kidding when he asked if someone died. Was it really that?

Roy opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He seemed to be debating on telling him what was on his mind or not. His tense body language and lack of respond was freaking Jason out. Roy rarely ever was on edge like that. How serious was it?

"For fuck's sake Harper. Just spill it out." Jason was growing impatient and Roy wasn't exactly helping the situation either.

"Jason..." He breathed out a sigh. "How was your date with Izabel?"

Jason looked ready to hit his head to the wall and just be done with it. All of those drama, all the weird acting was for that? To know how Jason's date went? Jesus, he wasn't that miserable when it came to dating and Roy knew that better than him. So that wasn't the thing on his mind. Jason looked with disbelief at him, but Roy just ignored it. He went for a simple "Good."

"So a third date's in order?" He looked kind of hopeful?

"Roy, quit the small talk. What is it?"

"Dick's here." Roy suddenly blurted.

And just like that, Jason froze. He didn't hear much after _"Dick's here"_ . Just stood there and stared at Roy with a closed off expression while there was a hurricane in his head.

Dick was there. He was fucking there, like actually a few steps away there, at his club, probably drinking or dancing his mind out. There. At his club. At outlaws, he...

Panic started to rise inside him. Dick was there. It's been so long. ' _What do I do? Do I go see him or just stay here? What do I tell him?_ ' What could he possibly do, not to make things awkward? Maybe if he stayed where he was then, Dick would eventually go? But...what if he was expecting to meet Jason? Did he knew it was Jason's place? Why was he there?

It has been so long! He wasn't sure how he would react when he saw Dick. Was he there with Barbara? Most likely. He was probably there to spend some quality time with her or his friends. He shouldn't have made a big deal out of it, but just couldn't stop the increase in his heart beat. If Roy stepped a little closer to him, he would hear it too. That gave him enough consciousness to pay a little attention to what he was saying.

So, apparently, the Tim that Stephanie has been babbling about all the times, was the one and only Tim Drake, Dick's brother, Bruce Wayne's second son, Stephanie's ex and currently best friend, who came to give her a visit, and brought Dick with him too.

As far as Jason remembered of the brat, he was a nosy kid, who couldn't just mind his own business with the amount of questions he shot at people. He was a fucking genius and a computer nerd too. He used to make Jason feel dumb all the times, but Tim had a special kind of obsession with him too. Tim looked up to him the way he never did with Dick or Bruce, followed him around, telling him about his achievements, like he somehow sought Jason's approval or something. He was pretty good at whatever he did and he knew that himself too. So, maybe he just liked Jason that much. Well, what did he know? Jason didn't stay long enough with them to ask.

He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, long enough for Roy to shake his arm lightly. With that slight touch, Jason snapped back and looked at Roy, who was staring at him with knitted eyebrows, and waiting for him to say something.

Roy knew. He was with Jason when it all started, he listened to Jason babble about the magic of those blue eyes, at the times he was drunk. Roy was with him when he couldn't move on, and he would be with Jason for whatever decision he'd make. He didn't deserve Roy. That redhead man deserved better than a pathetic loser, who couldn't move on from a long lost relationship. He was fucked up, but despite everything, he didn't leave Jason's side, didn't call him a fucked mess. He would be there every time Jason failed to continue a relationship with somebody, because he wasn't over Dick yet. Roy would bring a beer or take out to talk, or just simply sit there with in a comforting silence.

Roy knew him, and he knew Dick too. He knew what those blues could do to Jason, he probably thought to give him a heads up about what he was going to deal with, and hoped for Jason to take his warning and scram away to his safe place before doing something stupid, like going on his knees and begging Dick to come back to him. Jason thought he would probably do that, as soon as he would hear that voice, or see that warm smile, those blue eyes, his_.

"Jaybird?" Roy pulled him out of his thoughts again. Concern apparent on his expression. It irritated Jason.

"What?" He snapped.

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna say hi to them."

But before he could take a single step, Roy grabbed his arm and asked. "Are you sure if this is a good idea?"

"Yeah, Roy. I'm a fucking adult. Stop treating me like a kid."

And with that, he yanked his arm, not so gently, out of his grip and left the room. It irritated the hell out of Jason when Roy treated him like he was a broken glass, which was slowly gluing its pieces together and would break by the slightest touch. Sure, Jason could be miserable and fucked up when it came to Dick, but he was mature enough to hold a civil conversion with him, without_.

Oh, fuck.

Dick was there, sitting before the bar, laughing at something that Stephanie was saying, swirling the liquid with the movement of his writs and showing off two line of white  teeth with his smile. Jason's hands were shaking a bit. Dick took a gulp of is drink and made that all too familiar gesture of disgusted whenever he tried something heavy and bitter, like the cheap beers they used to buy when they felt like getting drunk, in all those times, it would have taken merely one bottle for Dick to be over the moon. He was just a light drinker like that, who had no appreciation for anything which wasn't sweet.

Sweet, just like how he tasted. Sweet, wild and addicting.

Jason wasn't sure how long he had been standing there and just staring at him like a creep till Stephanie noticed him.

"Oh, hey boss," She said as she approached him. "Didn't noticed you coming."

"Uh...yeah. I uh...had something to tell Roy."

"About your date I bet." She winked at him. Jason gave her a look. She ignored it and continued on. "That bad? Oh well, then it's a good thing you have me to lighten up the mood." She pointed toward where Dick and Tim were sitting with her chin. "We have especial clients tonight. Bruce Wayne's sons, and I mean the ones who are legal enough to drink. I'm sure you already know who's Tim by now, and the other one is_."

"Dick Grayson."

Dick's eyes locked with his, and he felt ready to kneel. Roy was right, It was such a bad idea.

"Somebody did his homework. Alright, go ahead. You're the boss, give them a fair welcome. Tonight's getting crazy because of them! Did you see the line of people out there?"

"Yeah, I did."

Jason used his whole will to move his feet and walked toward them. Dick looked a bit tense, but Tim, the smug look kid he was, was grinning like he could see how screwed Jason was being too. By the time he reached them, Dick was sipping the last drop of his drink, with his head thrown back to expose his neck. That beautiful unmarked skin_.

Jason slapped himself mentally, gathered the courage to smile and talk. "We're a pretty good operation, but didn't know we were fancy enough for Wayne standards."

Tim was the one who responded. Not that Jason expected Dick to say anything. "Well, I'd reckon that. Your place is quite decent, A killer DJ, qualified drinks and of course, hot bartenders," He the last part while winking at Stephanie, where she was busy pouring orders, but managed to smile and wink back.

"Flattery will get you anywhere, Timbo."

"I live for fancy words. it's good to see you again Jason."

"Yeah, you too. It's...been a long time." He really tried, he genuinely did, but he couldn't stop himself from locking eye with Dick when he said those words out loud.

But Tim, the little genius savior said. "I know, right? I mean, long enough for me to get a date with that beauty blond there."

Jason turned his head to see Steph reappearing. "But even longer to ask our hot doorman out. Yeah Tim, don't give that look, I've noticed your little blush when Conner complemented your look tonight, and don't even get me started on how you'd mention his name in each sentence that comes out of your mouth." Stephanie mocked.

"Alright, now you're exaggerating."

"So, you admit it's true."

"I never said that."

"Wow Timmy. First you snatch our bartender, then you go seducing our faithful doorman? What else happened to you beside puberty?" Jason teased with a matching grin of his own.

"Allow me to answer. Having a good taste." Stephanie said instead.

They all laughed at Tim's annoyed face. Soon, they were talking about everything and nothing. Steph and Roy would join them when they could. Dick was uncharacteristically quiet. That was the second thing noticed after realizing how much he actually missed the sentimental sap. But it made Jason wonder, what happened that caused the talkative man to act so reserved. Was it because of Jason? Did he feel uncomfortable, being next to the reminder of a failure relationship? Or he just wasn't in the mood and Tim had to beg him into joining him at a loud place like that? Or maybe something had happened to one of his precious siblings? That was unlikely, otherwise, he wouldn't be there. So what was it? Did he got into an argument with Barbara? Where was she anyway.

"So, Dick." He turned to look at him. "How's Babs doing?"

Tim and Stephanie were talking next to them, which frankly, looked more like a fighting than casual conversions. Jason could hear something about how Tim was a coffee addict and needed an alpha like Conner to intimidate the hell out of him, so he wouldn't go near the caffeine. And of course, Tim's life would depend on drinking coffee. The night owl nerd, that Tim was, it didn't come as a surprise to Jason.

"She's doing fine." Dick avoided looking at him. Jason took notice of the absent ring on Dick's finger, where it should have been one.

"How are you guys doing?"Jason didn't want to look jealous or anything, so tried to bring Barbara up. That might have melted Dick's ice to talk about something he liked. Jason didn't want him to think of him as the jerk, who he left behind to build a family with Barbara a long time ago. Jason have changed and he wanted Dick to see that too, even though he was a miserable shit since he left.

"Great." He didn't sound very enthusiastic about it though. He still wouldn't look at Jason, seeming to find the empty glass more fascinating. It appeared that Jason wasn't the only one who had changed. Dick the fucking talkative, cheerful, physical contact person was long gone. Dick hasn't accepted the million offers to dance, refused to invite himself on the dance floor too. He didn't even touch Tim. Normally, Dick would have thrown a hand over Tim's shoulder to pull him closer, or just simply give his arm a slight touch, but he did none. He barely even talked. There was no funny comments or bad puns like it usually would be. He seemed...different.

But wait, maybe Dick thought Jason still wasn't over him yet. Maybe he thought Jason was asking about his relation, because he wanted to see if Dick was single again, or wasn't happy with his marriage. Some of it might have been true, but Jason wasn't that fucked up to screw a family up, or be with someone, who was in a committed relationship.

Dick must have caught something on Jason's face, because he sighed and ordered another drink. "Barbara is in star city. She's working with Dinah lance and Helena." That explained Dick's mood then. His wife was away from him.

But something caught Jason's attention. "Helena? As in, Helena Bertinelli?"

"Yeah. You know her?"

"She's my lawyer." Whom he had a sexy history with. Sue him, she was down right hot! And she seemed fairly interested in him too. She was that angry ball of fire with a love for English literature. They had lots of common ground, more than they'd ever admit, but somehow despite all of them, they never worked out. It wasn't like  anyone did.

"Good choice. She's great." Dick smiled like he was remembering something good. It was beautiful.

"So, why star city? Isn't it hard for her to commute from Gotham to there? Are you guys living in star?"

"No, just her. My job's here in Gotham, but her's got transfer to star city, and...you know how committed she's to her career, so." Dick took a long sip of his vodka.

"Then, how does it work? She's in another city and...you're here."

"She said she'd visit every chance she got, but...she's a workaholic, so, it's hardly ever."

Before he could respond, Tim beat him to it. "And that's why I dragged his lonely ass here to socialize a bit. You leave him alone for a minute, and he'd go all the way to being crazy."

Everything made sense then. So, that was why he came without Barbara, acted so reserved and avoided the topic of his wife. Jason has seen him after a long time and guess how he looked then? like a sad puppy, because his dear Barbara was more committed to her job than her husband.

Jason wanted to pull him close, to stroke his Raven hair and kiss his sorrow away. Wanted to assure him, he would always be there for him, if not as his boyfriend, but as his friend. Whatever he wanted. He wanted to feel Dick against him so badly, squeeze him in his arms, inhale that intoxicating smell one more time, to have those aqua eyes to look at him with trust and love again. Oh, God. Jason was so not over him.

Dick and Tim didn't stay long after that. Jason debated on going up to his home or staying down there. The night was alive and Jason's heartbeat couldn't go any more wilder than that. He debated on staying and letting some of his steams off, or call it a night and crash till his heartbeat turned normal. If he stayed, he had to deal with Stephanie's never ending questions about how he knew the Wayne kids, or worse, he had to feel Roy's pity stare and concern over him and mange not to snap. Roy was merely worried about him, because he knew how much of a mess Jason really was. Jason knew that himself too, he should have appreciated Roy's concern, but Jason was a kid from crime allay, who hardly survived the shit life has thrown at him, he managed to stand on his own foot without asking for help so far. So he couldn't do anything about feeling resentful toward Roy's stare. Because Jason and pity didn't exactly get along, so staying was off the table. But going up there was even worse. He would be alone and his thoughts would drift back to Dick, and he didn't want to know what would happen if he was alone with Dick's thoughts on his mind. Jason was stuck. He didn't know what to do, he needed some fresh air, he...rooftop.

He needed to go to the rooftop.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I originally had planed to post this a week later or something, but I had received some sweet lovely comments for the first chapter, So, here it is  
> enjoy:)

Jason didn't sleep that night. His mind wouldn't shut down. It was constantly showing him images of Dick, refreshing the memories with a more intense and vivid vision now. The amount of chemical Jason felt on his blood stream, didn't let him sleep.

He needed to exhaust himself to sleep. He thought about working out at his place, but then decided against it. He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts any longer than he already was.

He decided to go for a run, he changed into sweatpants and his red sweatshirt. Dick used to love that color on him, said it gave him a daring look. He_.

He really needed to go.

He chose the longest path from his place to Gotham's national park. It was far, really far, but Jason wanted to burn the steam. So, he put the headphones on his ears, hit his work out play list and started running toward his destination.

It was 5 a.m and the weather was a little chilly. It was the first time Jason would come to that part of Gotham to run. He usually chose the path to Gotham's docks and near harbors. It was filthy, filled with workers and sailors swearing and complaining about everything. It smelled of cigarette and sweat. Jason liked it there, but he needed to do something different that day.

So he ran toward the cleaner and wealthier part of Gotham. He was running toward...toward...toward Dick?

Yeah, that guy was definitely Dick. Jason would know, or he wouldn't? Dick was different then, figuratively and literally. Jason couldn't see his body that good the night before, because he was too focused on keeping his mouth shut when he looked at Dick. But he saw it now, Dick got slim.

Dick was wearing black sweatpants with his blue sweater tied around his hips, and his white T-shirt, half wet with sweats. Once upon time, that T-shirt would clutch itself to so tight around his body to show off his perfect lines of abs and muscles. But then, not even his nipples were visible.

Jason wasn't sure what Dick's job was right then. Dick either stepped into his major career and became a cop or a detective, or followed his dream job and became a gymnastic trainer. But come to think of it, both jobs required a strong and fitted body build. Considering the perfect body Dick used to have, his career would merely enhance that greatness, not burn all those muscles. Dick was slim then. Jason could tell. He knew that body too well.

He waited for Dick to catch his breath, took his headphones off.

"Hey...looks like you've been overworking yourself."

"Hey I uh..." He was panting slowly. Oh God, just kill him already. "No...actually I..."

Jason waited patiently for him to continue. Dick drew a deep inhale and said. "I haven't actually run that much. It's just...well...I'm out of practice...Haven't done this since a long time."

Jason gave him a look of confusion. Dick just sighed and continued. "To be exact, ever since I got married."

"You're kidding, right?"

Dick's eyebrows furrowed to show an expression of confusion as well.

"How can you be out of practice when part of your job demand a heavy work out?"

Now, Dick switched his expression to a blank look, like Jason was dumb for asking that question. He answered with an annoyed tone. "Why should it be? I gotta work out so I could do paper work? Or to arrange deals?"

Jason's eyebrows knitted together. Was he saying what Jason thought he was going to say? Was he...?

"Are you...?" He tried to ask, but found that he couldn't form the words.

"Yes, Jason. I work at Wayne enterprises."

Jason was lost for words. Dick, the idiot, who wouldn't shut up about his time at Haley's circus, about how his parents were such amazing acrobats. All those shit about him being the last flying Grayson. He even charmed Bruce into manufacturing a big gym for him at the manor, with the lines, net, trapezes and everything. Dick was glorious up in the air, flipping and doing his magic there. He could fucking fly. That used to do things to Jason, watching him pulling tricks in the air, without falling even once. He flew high with grace, like a bird. That was why he called him ' _pretty bird'_ or  _'Dickiebird'_ in the first place. It totally suited him, used to make Dick blush and smile with glee. He knew it was true too.

What happened then? How could he put that part of his life aside for that long? Jason wanted to ask, wanted to shake him, so he came to his sense, but all that came out of his mouth was a simple. "Oh."

Dick looked aside and sighed quietly, like he could read Jason's thoughts too, but didn't know the answer to them himself either. Dick looked unease and when he was unease, he would run away.

No. Jason wasn't the same hopeless guy he was before when it came to emotional stuff. He did that mistake with him a long time ago, Dick had been on the breaking point and needed Jason more than anytime, but Jason the fucked up mess he was, didn't do shit about it. So Dick scram away and he never saw him again, till just now. But Jason wasn't the same person anymore, and he desperately wanted to prove that to Dick. He wouldn't lose him a second time. Wait...what the hell did he just said?

Jason shook his head."So, you just started off running, like, now?" He switched the topic.

"I, yeah. Figured since I'm alone more often now, I could do something for a change, you know." 'Since Barbara wasn't around anymore' was left unsaid.

"Yeah. How long have you been running now?"

"five minutes, I think."

"Wow, you really are out of practice if five minutes can take your breath away like that."

Dick chuckled. "Give me a break. It's been so long."

"Yeah. You look like you could use some professional advice." Jason gave his smuggest grin.

Now Dick looked amused, folded his arm against his chest and said."Oh yeah? Didn't know Mr club owner was also a bodybuilder too."

"For your information sir, I used to be one too. Have these work out equipments still at my place and all."

And just like that, he and Jason were engaged in a conversion, like they were best buddies and not two guys, who hadn't seen each other for five years.

Dick was easy, he had that comfortable zone around him that made you ease your worries and talk free. It used to freak Jason out, how he made everything so comfortable. Nothing had been easy for Jason before, he used to feel vulnerable at times like that, because he was stupid and had a lot of issues and insecurities. How could Dick ever fall in love with someone like him, was a wonder to Jason.

**********

 

Ever since that day, Jason changed his running path to Gotham's park. _'It was for a change'_ he kept telling himself, but deep down, he knew it was to see Dick again.

Everyday, he woke up at 5 a.m and headed toward that destination, would see Dick and engage in a conversion with him for a few minutes, with each encounter, the time would increase. Jason would ask about his work out schedule and would give him a new one, encouraging him when he felt like giving up.

 _'Just keep it casual and friendly'_ he kept reminding himself.

He asked one day. "If you wanna go back in shape, why don't you just go to a gym or something? It'd be faster that way."

Dick shrugged and said. "I don't have time to go to one during the day, and I usually have work to do at home too at nights. I couldn't hire a private coach, because there was no one available at 5 a.m."

Jason wanted to offer his place, but decided against it. It was too soon to bring Dick to his house. Even if technically, it was his work out place, but still... _'Keep it casual and friendly'_ He repeated. Didn't want to make things awkward between them if asked and Dick declined.

So, he changed the topic and asked about his siblings instead. That seemed to lighten up his expression, he always liked talking about his family. Jason hadn't forgotten, just like he never forgot anything about him.

Dick talked enthusiastically about Damian, his little brother, of how much of an amazing artist he was. He showed the pictures of Damian's drawing and sketches that he took with his phone. And Jason had to admit, they were quite impressive considering he was a thirteen year old kid. They were mostly consisted of animals or his family members. Jason didn't make a comment about how most of the sketches of Dick looked sad or deep in his thoughts.

"Kyle's pretty good at drawing too. Used to be a freelance artist in L.A when he was a teen."

"Kyle?"

"His our DJ."

Dick looked like he was connecting the dots in his head. "Kyle. Used to be a freelance artist and now's a DJ...is this Kyle the Kyle Rayner?"

"You know him?"

"Yeah, he's Donna's boyfriend...knew he was doing music now, but didn't know he worked for you."

Donna was one of Dick's best friends, but Jason didn't know they were still in contact. Donna that sneaky little girl. He wondered if she ever told him about their short time dating.

"How come they never brought you to my club?"

"Oh believe me, they tried, but I just...had a lot on my plate to go out clubing, you know."

Dick hated working at Wayne enterprises or anything that demanded sitting on a chair for more than an hour, and staring at documents and numbers. Dick utterly abhorred those kind of work. He was a free spirit, he couldn't be contained in an office for long, no matter how fancy they were.

What happened that glued him to his job like that? He rarely missed a night out with his friends. Sure, he had grown more responsible and wasn't that ball of fire anymore, but workaholic? No. never. He was the one, who constantly bugged Bruce about his job, telling him _'Bruce, you always overwork.' , 'you're a workaholic.' , 'You're a bad influence on Timmy' , 'Bruce give Alfred a vacation, he works too much.'_

Jason had a feeling, it was Barbara's doing. She was very committed to whatever she did. Living under the same roof with a person like that, would do things to a guy. But Jason didn't say anything about it. "But, you seem more free now."

Dick sighed and said. "I don't know about that Jason..."

"Come on! You need to give yourself a break every now and then. You work a lot. Bring Tim too. If Steph's right, then we gotta set him with my doorman up. Conner's a handsome boy. I can't guarantee he'd be single for long if Tim doesn't up and ask him out."

Dick laughed. "You know they go to the same college,right?"

No, he did not.

Suddenly, the rush of university memories, had Jason burning with heat. Memories of two students, who fell in love under the darkness of a club. Two boys, who synced their heartbeats to their body movements. The beauty, who was dancing with some girl, but talking to Jason with his eyes, telling him stories of a passionate night, and Jason was all for reading stories then.

After that, everything happened in a blur, the ride to heir dorm, the heated kisses, the sudden realization that they went to the same university, the clutter of clothes on the floor, the shared whispers and laughter filling the room. Eyes lustful with a hint of being drunk, and finally, that vision. That sight in the morning when the sun lights came through the window. When Jason was sober enough to see clear again, that sight, which hunted Jason's every thoughts ever since. Those ocean blues of his eyes, that warm smile of his sweet lips. That face, which looked like an angle when the morning rays, and the white sheets reflected on him.

Jason might have felt cocky at the sight. That he slept with a guy, who looked like a supermodel, but even back then, in that moment, while he was feeling smug, he knew he would never forget those eyes.

"I...no?" Jason said when he was able to move his mouth again.

**********

 

Dick didn't come to his club that night, or the night after, but Tim did. He came often and would leave pretty soon, he stayed long enough to check on Stephanie and have a chat with him and Roy, but mostly Roy. Those two were tech-computer nerds, who never seemed to run out of nerdy things to talk about. Jason had missed the count of the many times, he rolled his eyes over Tim and Roy making no sense. At some point, he figured they were just making stuff up to annoy the fuck out of him. Jason just made an easy target to tease like that.

Jason's nonchalant behavior toward his running sessions with Dick, and his new fondness toward Tim, had put Roy at ease. Jason has proved, he could interact with them, without losing shit or making a change in his routines. He had Roy believed that he has moved on and was focusing on his business then. The latter might have been true, but he couldn't say the same thing about the former.

He wasn't over Dick yet. How could he? If anyone else had seen the magic of those eyes, the mystery, the beauty, the gravity that sank him deeper than the ocean. If anyone could see them the way Jason did, then they could never move on from it either.

Near three months pasted, but there was barely any change in Dick's shape. Of course it wouldn't, running and doing some light exercises weren't enough to return a body to it's glorious form. He needed some lifting, some exercises that would only work out with especial kind of equipments.

With the pace, Dick's reshaping schedule was going, Jason was this close to offering his workout place to him. But instead he would remind Dick that he needed lifting and that the usage of some stuff was actually required. He hoped Dick would finally realize that with the pace he had, no satisfactory result would come.

Maybe he just was hoping that Dick's ice would eventually melt and he'd ask about Jason's place himself. Knowing Dick, that was unlikely, but did he really know him anymore?

He had changed, maybe for the better good, Jason didn't know, but he hoped that his stubbornness would have at least lesson a bit.

False hope. If anything, he was even more determined than before. Jason simply came to conclusion that some stuff, would never change.

**********

 

On the fourth month, Dick came to his club again, he came alone, and started drinking, he drank heavy stuff. Something bad must have happened that brought him out of his shell, that made him drink his problems away.

He had Roy and Stephanie to check on him, to see if he was alright, but Dick brushed both off and wouldn't talk to anyone. Jason and Roy shared a look, he knew there was something wrong with Dick too, but he was as clueless as Jason himself.

Roy might have been wary of Dick when he appeared after five years, but before he became Jason's best buddy, he was Dick's close friend. Dick had been with him through all the shits Oliver Queen would put Roy at, or the hard suffocating times of giving up drugs. Dick had been with him through it all till he came out clean, which Roy was grateful and appreciated it, but he was Jason's friend then, and he was worried about Jason getting hurt again. That was about it, he hadn't picked a bone with Dick. Concern could be read on his green eyes crystal clear.

Stephanie was acting strange. It wasn't like her to stay quiet that long, especially when Dick was drinking his head off like that. She had a look on her face when she watched Dick acting reserved, like she knew what was going on on his head. She had a look of understanding and pure sadness, she looked like she wanted to reach him, hold him and cry with him, but kept her distance. She must have known, what was wrong. She was still in contact with the Wayne family.

So he cornered her and asked. "What's wrong with Dick tonight?"

She gave a dramatic sigh out. "I don't know. He won't talk to me."

"Yeah, but he doesn't have to. You already know. So spill."

"Look, Jason, I really...I can't tell."

"Steph I_." He tried to reason with her, but she cut him short.

"It's not my place to say...it's something personal boss. All I can reveal, is that it's a family matter."

Jason took a glance at him and sighed in defeat. She was right. If Dick felt comfortable enough with him, he would tell what was wrong.

"At least, call Tim. He can't drag his drunk ass anywhere alone."

"I can't. Tim's not in Gotham and I don't know where Dick's house is."

"Well, just great."

"I'd take him to my place to crash for the night, but my dad's at home. And I don't wanna know what he'd do when he sees me bringing a drunk man home." That would be a scene to watch.

"Alright then, go to him, see if you can get his address."

"I already told you boss. He won't talk to me." She added after a beat. "But he might do to you."

Jason's eyebrows knitted together, signaling her to be more specific.

"He was asking about you." and with that being said, she left him standing dumbfounded there. Did he hear right? Dick was asking about him?

He looked at him. Dick looked lonely, even with the girl clutching herself to him there.

He walked toward him. "Alright Dickie. I think you had enough for a night. Come on, off you go."

Dick's frown was adorable. He looked like he was pouting. How he could manage to be an adult, but look cute as hell when pouting, was beyond Jason. "Are you kicking me out?"

"No, Dick. I'm taking your drunk ass home. Now tell me your address. I'll call you a cap."

Dick gave a bitter laugh. "I don't have a home Jason."

"I could take you to the manor, but I'm pretty sure you don't want Bruce to see his golden boy like this."

Dick stared at him for a minute. "You know what Jason, it's funny that you think I've ever had a home." He chuckled a bit. "really funny." and took another sip.

Jason hadn't sighed that much in an hour for so long. He seriously needed a break. "Come on, Grayson. Did you bring your car with you? I'll give you a lift."

Dick seemed deep in thoughts. "Lift." he murmured. Suddenly, he turned to look at Jason. "Lifting. You said I had to lift."

Jason just stared at him.

"You have a room full of weights and everything, right? You said yourself."

"Um...yeah, so?" What was he getting at?

Dick rolled his eyes and huffed. The girl next to him long gone when she figured she couldn't get his attention. "So take me there, silly."

"I...what?" He was startled then.

Now Dick was openly pouting. "You're mean Jason. You're the one, who always tell me to use some gym stuff if I'm gonna be big like you. But you never invited me there."

He...he would invite him there, but Dick never mentioned it and Jason thought he might make things awkward between them if he offered. If he had asked, Jason would've gladly let him use his place, but he never did, not until then.

"I...Dick, you never asked."

"Well, I'm asking now."

"Dick, you're drunk now. I'll take you there another time I'll_."

"No!" He took Jason's hand in his and squeezed them as hard as he could. It didn't hurt as much as the look on his eyes did. Ocean blue eyes were looking at him with plea and desperate, like he was an addict and Jason held the drug. "Please Jason. I need a punching bag to hit, I need to be empty, I need to feel pain... Anything."

"Please." There, the desperate tone. He used it again. He was manipulating Jason into granting his wish, and if the death grip on his hand or his plea look wasn't enough, he used that tone against him. If he wasn't already sitting, his knees wouldn't budge and he'd fall before the blue eyed man.

With a defeated sigh he said. "Alright! But you're not staying alone, okay?" for the better measurement, he gave his own squeeze.

Dick just smiled with all glee and childish joy. Jason was probably going to regret it, but it would be worth Dick's smile.

**********

 

He send an assuring nod toward Roy, and gave Stephanie a heads up that Dick might have stayed there. "If Barbara called, tell her he's here and ask their address. Then I'll send him home."

Stephanie just gave him a blank look, but didn't say anything. Just nodded and that was enough for Jason.

He took Dick in the elevator and hit the last floor's button. They were silent through the travel up until the speaker announced the fifth floor and opened the doors. Jason moved out and was trying to unlock the door when Dick started talking. "It's the last floor? Why so far? Don't you think about your neighbors Jason? What about the ones who_ WOW!"

Jason turned to look at Dick, who was seeing around the place with a look of awe and utter excitement. "Wow, Jason. This place is sick! Look at here, no wonder you're so big and bulky." His desperate tone long gone. "At first, I thought you were bluffing when you said you used to do training, I mean." He chuckled. "You're in this business and club doing. Why would you wanna help some absless guys, right?"

It was Jason's turn to laugh then. Dick was a funny drunk."Dick, I'm pretty sure that's not even a word." He leaned against the wall _'Let Dick wander around'_ didn't want to follow him around like a child. _'Keep it casual'_ he repeated.

"Where does that door open? It's the last floor!" Uh oh. "Oh I know. The rooftop, of course! silly me." He breathed out a laugh.

Jason stayed silent, but tense, hoped he would just leave it there and wouldn't actually go there. Dick was a funny drunk, but sometimes _too_ funny.

He walked near rooftop's door, reached the handler, but Jason didn't move, he was pretty sure it was lock_ oh fuck! He forgot to lock it up!

"Dick, wait_." But it was too late, by the time he wanted to say those words, Dick had already opened the door and was there, on the rooftop, standing in the middle, looking out of place with his back facing Jason.

"Dick." He tried to get his attention. He walked toward Dick, came to a stop beside him. He peeked a glance at his face. He looked confused, like he was trying to sort the view before him out. Jason couldn't quite put his fingers around what that look meant. His expression was a mixture of sadness and confusion with a hint of wonder.

The cold wind was brushing his thick raven hair in every direction, his eyebrows half forming a frown and his curvy mouth parted. That perfect nose and cheekbones were red because of the sudden breeze. God! How could someone look stupid but frustratingly handsome at the same time like that?

"I..." Dick's voice cracked. "I...I've...I haven't." Jason looked at him again, this time his expression was pure depression. "I can't remember the last time I've been on a rooftop like this." His voice was low.

"Like what?" Jason asked, his voice small, like he was talking to a crying kid.

Dick was quiet for a while that Jason thought he might not get an answer. But when he did, his voice lacked the life it had minutes ago, like he was forcing the words out through the knot in his throat. "Like this...just watching the view, to notice how high you are from the ground, to...to remember flying." After a pause he continued. "To do it all with you there...with me."

His voice was visibly shaking when he said those words. He breathed out a fog of sigh while closing his eyes, one single drop leaving his eyes to fall silently on the ground. Jason was lost for words. The rush of nostalgia hit him, and it hit him _hard_ , made him want to cry out his own loneliness, to kneel and beg Dick to come back to him. To end their torture, to let Jason hold him again, till there was nothing left. No nightmares, no tears, no pain, no lies, no loneliness, just the two of them, and they would be enough for each other. No responsibilities, no commitment, no Bruce, no Barbara...

And that was the problem. There **was** a Barbara. No matter what he did, in the end there was always Barbara. She was the ration that kept him sane, she was the reason Jason stayed away, she was the only thing that would be left.

To be fair, it wasn't her fault that Jason couldn't keep Dick and their relationship when he had the chance. So Dick left. Jason was the who let him slip away from his grip, he didn't clutch to him as hard as he was supposed to, and before he knew it, Dick had already reached Barbara. A smart, beautiful girl, who would appreciate him unconditionally, a girl who would give love as much as she was received, a girl whom Bruce would approve of, who would be Tim's big sister. The perfect girl with no scars from a harsh lifetime in the most defiled and corrupted part of the city. A girl who could say _'I love you'_ back easily,  who could give him a real family. She could give him anything, or be anyone he wanted. So it was merely logical if Dick reached her instead of him.

It wasn't her fault Jason was a mess.

"Come on Dick. Let's go inside. It's freezing here. I don't wanna send you to Barbara with a cold." He tried to coax him inside.

Dick still had his eyes closed. "She won't be there to care."

Oh, right. She was working in star city.

"Yeah, but if she hears I let you get drunk **and** freeze your ass out, she'll probably kill me."

"No, she won't. She's stop caring about me years ago. She won't even notice if I'm dead." Dick looked frighteningly calm for a man claiming his wife didn't love him.

"Dick, don't say that. I'm sure she just has a lot on her plate. She'd make it up to you when she comes back, she cares about_."

Dick turned to give him a sharp look. For a drunk guy, he sure could look scary. "No, Jason! You don't get it! You don't know anything about her. You don't get to say shit about her." He was steeping back, toward the rooftop entrance. "She doesn't care about me, she hasn't for years. She...she doesn't care about anything other than her work...she's...she's gone...that night...everything went to shit and she...she..."

Dick was going to have a panic attack. Jason walked toward him, carefully held a hand up in a peaceful gesture, structured him to breath deep and slow. When he was close enough to touch, he put his hands gently on his arms to decrease the tension with physical connection. He was hoping that physical contact still worked for him in a stressful situation. Dick didn't pull back nor did he flinch from his touch, so he kept his hands there.

Jason said low, just a little above whisper. "Dick, look at me." Blue eyes stared at his. "You guys are gonna make it, her job isn't gonna last forever. She'll_."

Dick just laughed. "Jason you don't get it." Jason had learned to be patient, but it was getting harder with each passing second. He would eventually reach his last straw and snap. When Dick finally stopped laughing, he locked eyes with Jason for a good measure of time. "Barbara and I got divorced."

Jason froze.

"It's been a year now. She got rid of me to keep herself busy with a pile of work, anything but to linger a second with me or our house or our **life**." He was clutching his fists on Jason's jacket. "Jason I..." he sounded so _desperate_ , his face has turned red, eyes teal with water. "I'm fucked up...nobody stays...they all leave...you left...I..." Dick's expression suddenly fell. He dropped his hands, his arms hanging from his shoulders like the life was drained from them, face turned as unreadable as stone, tone colder than the air. "Nobody could ever love me."

He said it like it was a fact, like he believed in that sentence to his core. It broke something in Jason, he felt his chest getting heavy, breathe became hard to reach down his lunges, his head felt light, and suddenly, he weighted too much for his legs to carry.

Dick just walked away idly to what was happening to Jason. He should have probably gotten his shit together and followed the man. He was a depress drunk with a package of insecurities then,but Jason found he couldn't move a single finger. He was a dead meat staring in wide shock at Dick. Everything happened in a blur, it was too fast and straightforward for Jason to bear. The sudden realization had been smacked right in to his gut, taking his breath away and leaving him gasping with shock. He couldn't find his voice nor could he form a single word. He just stood there dumbfounded and tried to process the new information he gathered in a heartbeat.

Dick and Barbara.

Dick Grayson and Barbara Gorden got divorced, they had gotten for a year then. That explained a lot. For one, it explained why she was working in star city, or why Dick avoid the topic of her all the times. Whenever Jason brought Barbara up, Dick would just beat around the bushes, or come up with short answers here and there, but nothing more than that.

At first Jason thought it was because Dick didn't feel comfortable enough with him to talk about her, or he didn't want to make things awkward between them by talking about his relationship, because it might have brought an unwanted memory. He thought that maybe it was the fact that she was away in another city and Dick didn't want to be reminded of her absent. That it all bothered him to know he couldn't have his beloved wife every time he wanted. Jason was so wrong, so clueless, but...

How come the press didn't cover that news? How come Vicky Vale hadn't written an article about it yet? That would make a hell of a story! Did they even know? Did **anyone** know? Was it a quiet and mutual divorce? Most likely, with Babs arranging the paper work, it couldn't be stealthier than this. But... _why_? That was the real question he desperately wanted to know.

And of course, Jason wasn't ignoring how Dick constantly brought their long lost relationship up. He noticed it, but he just didn't look much to it. Dick was alone and Jason, the reminder of a failed relation, was there. So, it all just made sense if Dick blurted whatever that was on his mind. Seeing Jason, Dick probably came to conclusion that every relationship he'd have, would have the same result as theirs had.

It made Jason feel like shit, like he wanted to shout and tear everything apart. He felt like ripping his whole hair out, like punching someone till his blood ran cold. He felt rotten, filthy into his every being core.

He was not the same person, _damnit_.

He wanted to scream them to Dick. He wouldn't do the same mistakes, that he changed. Wanted to shake Dick till he could see it too, but Dick's words would constantly echo through his mind. _'Nobody could ever love me'._

No! That wasn't right. Jason did, he always did. _'It wasn't you'_   He wanted to tell. _'It was me, I'm the one who was fucked up'_ .

He didn't know why Barbara had divorced from him, but he could tell, it wasn't all Dick's fault. Maybe it was, Jason didn't know, but what he seriously knew, was that Dick was not alone in that fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to note that nothing is one-sided. If there's a divorce or a break up, there isn't just one person to blame, both parties had some roles in the play, so I just want you to not judge Dick or hate Barbara. I know Jason thinks he's at fault, but it's never a person alone.  
> I hate myself for doing this to my characters, but I just can't seem to write anything that doesn't end up being a drama.
> 
> I hope this long chapter would do it for now, because I wanna focus more on my other fic 'A lover's story for a thousand years' for now. But for the two future chapters, we're gonna have some flashbacks on their relationship and some Dick's pov.
> 
> Let me know what you think of the story. Your thoughts are appreciated dearly and gives me inspiration to write faster, just like how quick I was able to post such a long chapter.  
> Thanks for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the flashback of the first time Dick and Jason met back in the university

Dick's eyes opened to an unfamiliar sight. That wasn't his room. That was the first thing he noticed since he woke up. Where was he?

The sounds of soft breathing had him turning his head to the body sleeping soundly next to him. The sudden twist of his head caused him to groan in pain. The damn hangover. His head felt heavy against his body that he felt like the slightest move would pull the trigger and his head would explode. He didn't even remember drinking that much. He rubbed the back of his palm to his eyes. When his vision was clear again, he took in the picture of the man sleeping next to him.

Apparently, he got drunk, saw that handsome guy, who wore an unhealthy amount of leather, and decided that going to a total stranger's place for a one-nightstand, regardless of the fact that he might have been a serial killer or a creep, was a great idea. What was his logic? Oh, right. Because _'He was really hot'._ well done, Grayson. Damian had every right to call him an idiot.

He let his eyes roam the stranger's naked body. He was quite fit, in fact, _very_ fitted. He looked through the perfect lines of abs to the scars that stayed on his body, like lines of a painting. Who was this guy?

His eyes caught a glimpse of something dark, right on the line of the muscle above his right hip. He thought it was probably a tattoo, but he couldn't get a clear glimpse of its shape from the angel he was looking, and he didn't dare to move his head to take a better look, he knew better.

His eyes fell on the stranger's face. Sharp lines of jaw and cheekbones, lips full and swollen with a small scar above his upper lip, pale skin, jet black hair and...was that a white strike? Yep, definitely. He remembered the many times he brushed his hands through them, only for the guy to yank them off of him to squeeze down to the mattress. Dick felt himself blushing from the memory

Normally, he would be the one, who topped and was in charge when it came down to sexy times, but the memory of last night had him doubting his preference. The way that guy just hovered over him with his bulky body, dominated and used his body the way he pleased, which ultimately brought pleasure to Dick too. The way he pulled dick's hair, pushed his head back to give him more access to his neck. He remembered the bite stings everywhere on his body.

He didn't know which was scarier, the fact that he liked it, or the fact that his whole body was most likely covered in bruises or hickeys. How was he going to hide them then? How long till his friends noticed? Wait. He didn't go alone to the club. Did he tell his friends that he was going with this guy, or left them without a heads up? Oh crap. They were probably out there, looking for him while he was there, remembering his dirty night. He needed to call_.

The guy was moving. He was waking up. He pulled a hand up to rub against his face, none too gently, pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed out a sigh. His hands dropped, he blinked a few times to the ceiling, like he was coming back alive. Then turned to stare at him.

Dick tried to hold his stare, but was captured by his eyes. He was a bit taken aback, because he thought the guy had dark eyes. He couldn't see clear through the lights of the club, or the darkness of the room that what shade of color his eyes were. But then sunlight was shining the room and he could see vivid and crystal. The guy had blue eyes, or were they green? He couldn't actually put his fingers on the right shade. Maybe it was dark turquoise? He wasn't sure, but he decided he liked them very much.

He smiled. "Hi."

The guy smirked. "Hey."

They just kept staring. Why was the guy staring? Why was _he_ staring back? Should he have said something? What would he do now? Grab his clothes and leave? Right, maybe that was what the guy was waiting for him to do.

He got up slowly, careful not to disturb his head any further and looked around to find his clothes. None of them were on sight except for his boxers, which was presumably _tossed_ near the room's door, just laying idly there. There was a significant distance between where he was sitting, and where his boxers was. He debated on pulling the sheets around him or walking there nude. He might have as well gone naked there. He had sex with the guy, there was no point in covering himself.

So, he just stood up and tried to walk toward his boxers without stumbling. He made a show out of bending down to grab his underwear, also made sure to show off his legs while walking. He didn't turn to look at the guy's face to see his reaction, but could definitely feel his stare on his back. Dick was aware of the effect his body had on people. That was one of the many benefits of being a natural born acrobat, to have a strong and fitted body structure.

He followed the trail of clothes to the kitchen. God. Just how enthusiastic was he that he started stripping the second they stepped inside?

He took his time while dressing up, to see the house. It seemed pretty decent and neat. No dishes in the sink, no books or clothes around, there wasn't even a single dust on his stuff. That man knew how to clean up. Dick bet the guy didn't even ordered takeout and actually cooked his own food all the times. But the housewife aspect aside, the house looked familiar, almost like his own...his own dorm house?

"We go to the same university."

Dick turned to look at the voice's owner. He was wearing sweatpants and wow. If it was possible, he looked even _hotter_ , standing shirtless there, wide shoulders, slim waist, long legs and really, _really_ big hands. Dick licked his lips without even realizing that he was checking the guy out while doing it. He couldn't help it. Those hands looked strong and big. He wondered how they would feel around his cock.

The stranger gave a mischievous grin and walked toward Dick. He grinned like he could read through his soul to his dirty thoughts. Dick's body language was probably giving him away.

As he got closer, Dick got a chance to take a better look at the tattoo on his right hip, under his belly line. It was of a gun, but only half of it was visible above the waist line of his pants. Its barrel was aimed down at his feet, but that part was hidden underneath the layer of clothing. The grip, the chammer and slightly the trigger were displayed. If he hadn't already seen it, he would have assumed it was a real deal. That was some tattoo he had! from the shape of the gun, he guessed it was a pistol, ready to be pulled out in a smooth move. He couldn't help, but think it suited the guy, using real guns looked easy on him. At least that pistol did.

The green-blue eyed man came to stop two steps from him. Dick made eye contact with him and arched an eyebrow in confusion. "We're dorm mates." The man clarified.

"No shit." Dick couldn't help to roll his eyes a bit. Duh! He could put the two and two together, thank you very much. What he wanted to know was "Which section?"

"D." Dick groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. But it all just seemed to amaze the guy. He sneered and continued. "long walk to your place now, ain't it?...class canceled."

Dick narrowed his eyes at him. He knew where his place was. Dick didn't remember mentioning that. "Have we met?" He asked skeptically.

The guy just gave a shrug. That wasn't an answer. Dick raised his eyebrows, encouraging him to be more specific. The man huffed and said. "Yeah, _Dick_. We met last night at the club." After a beat. "How much do you remember from last night?"

"Almost all of it. It's just...I have a headache right now, and I can't remember the conversions we had, like...I can't recall a single voice or sound."

The man arched an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Silent stretched between, it was getting awkward. Dick was hoping for a story to come, but the guy just kept quite. So, he broke the silence. "I'd appreciate it if you could fill me in with the missing parts."

He gave a lopsided grin. "Which parts? The dirty parts, or the boring parts?"

Dick gave him a look. "The boring parts, please."

"Well, for short, we danced, you suggest to go to your place, I rode us us here, but then realized we're dormmies. So, I took you to my section instead, and the whole damn ride you were babbling about your address. Section A, second floor, room 1102, right?"

Dick just stared at him. Damian's voice was echoing through his mind _'Grayson, you're an idiot'_   voice of logic from a **seven** year old kid. _What has gotten to your life Dick?  
_ He thought to himself.

The man with tattoo nodded his head and took his silence as affirmative. He mumbled. "Figured."

And that was his cue to leave, but he really wanted to know the guy's name first. He was sure the man told him that, but the hangover was blocking his memories. "So, um...I kinda forgot your name in between."

"Jason, Jason Todd."

Oh, right. How could he forget that name when he practically moaned and shouted his name like that the night before? He felt his face heating up a bit, but schooled his expression before showing his embarrassing blush. He had a reputation to maintain after all.

"I'm_." He was caught off by Jason.

"I know who you are." He had a little frown on his face.

"Do you now?"

"Yeah." Jason had his arms crossed against his broad chest, showing off a new tattoo on his right arm. It was of a black bat, but without the face of an actual bat, its sharp wings were spread around his muscle. His attention was snatched back to Jason again when he continued with that throaty voice of his. "You're Dick Grayson, the rich kid, Bruce Wayne's eldest." He said it like it was an insult.

It was too early for that shit.

"Hey man, I wasn't always rich, you know."

"Yeah, that's what everyone say at first. But once you get a taste, you're in for deep shit."

It was Dick's turn to be wary and go all tense and offended. He straightened a bit and scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

When Jason talked next, his tone was frighteningly calm. "It means, this is GCAU and Bruce Wayne just happened to be one of its biggest donators."

' _And you're his son, so the only reason you're here, is because of daddy's sweet money'_ sat there unsaid.

There it went again. People giving him shit because of Bruce's wealth. People just criticized Bruce's life and the ones like him, as if the money was handed to them like that. Bruce had worked really hard for his company, so it could reach the glory and success it possessed then. The money he earned, all came from sweat and hardworking. Dick would know. He has been living with Bruce since he was eight, and during all those years, he barely had the chance to see his dad, as the man would just drown himself in piles of work. Bruce was an honorable man, who would always make time to be sure that children achieved everything on their own without depending on money. So, when a nobody jerk just popped out of nowhere and started sending critical attitudes toward him and his family, Dick's blood would boil.

"Yeah, so the likes of _**you**_ could have a proper education." Dick seemed to hit some nerves, because Jason's expression instantly changed from cold to pure anger.

His jaw was set against his teeth, blue-green eyes narrowed dangerously, eyebrows knitting together, it all just gave him a predatory look. If Dick wasn't angry himself, he would have been turned on by that sight. Jason was tense and he looked like a wild cat. The scars and the tattoos didn't help, but to make him look even scarier. It would probably make a lot of people shit their pants, but not Dick. He has seen worse, and besides, what kind of a crime fighter would he be if a glare scared him off?

So he stared right into the devil's eyes, but he couldn't help to ask. "What's your problem with rich people anyway? I mean, you seemed pretty okay with it last night."

"Oh, you mean when **_you_** were getting it? Because let me tell you something, I for one wouldn't pass a chance to fuck the shit out of one of the **likes** of _you_."

"You seriously have some issues. I'd suggest a therapy, but that won't probably work for you."

Jason showed his middle finger to him. He had another tattoo of a little raven on his right hand, flying between his thumb and index finger. That was the third tattoo he had found on Jason's body. Just how many did he really have?!? Dick wished he could stay and find out, but Jason turned out to be such a jerk, which was a pity. He was too damn hot to be out of Dick's league like that.

So, he did all he could do, showed his middle finger back and walked away, slamming the door behind him.

That was such a perfect way to start a day!

**********

 

A week passed since Dick had seen Jason. Not that it was of any concern for him. He was too busy to even think about the guy. That week had been full of tension and frustration and Dick had enough on his mind for him not to turn a hair on Jason.

Bruce's conflict with Talia over Damian's custody, had put everyone under pressure. Ever since Talia revealed Damian's true identity, Bruce has been doing the paper work to request an order from the court in order to set up a custody order for Damian. He wanted legal guardianship over his son. Talia had no right to hide Damian's existence from them, raising him alone while not even managing to be there for him as he grew up.

Bruce has been taking legal action and he's found enough evidence to prove Talia guilty. But apparently, Talia wasn't going to give up on Damian, she had put a request to have shared custody of their son. All it did, was to just delay the process of Bruce's victory.

Talia had a hell of good lawyers, which proved to be problematic. Talia was a powerful woman, they underestimated her and her ability to cause trouble. How on earth Bruce managed to get involved with the daughter of Ra's Al Ghul, ruler of Al Ghul business empire on eastern Asia, was a wonder to Dick.

But, Bruce was very determined in the matter of his son's custody, and thanks to the _'Father's right movement'_ he had been able to take Damian to the Wayne manor to live with them for the time being. At least till the struggle was over and everything settled down. Bruce had earned the right to be with his son after being denied for so long.

That could be beneficial for Damian too. Bruce had no doubt that he would win the battle with Talia, so he thought it would be good for his son to accommodate to the new environment and get to know his other siblings, but Damian has proven himself to be quite difficult so far. Knowing the isolation way he was raised, that was of no wonder.

But just as enthusiastic he was to stay with his father, he has been giving the rest of them a hard time, especially Tim. He has barely been living with them, but has already set a sibling rivalry with Tim. When they were in the same room with each other, it would be only a matter of time before the room would turn into a war zone. Honestly, Dick was grateful he got to be away from that mess most of the times.

Talia, Bruce, Damian, Tim, university, the exams, they were all too much. He seriously needed a break from all of them. Maybe some alone time would do him good. And with that thought on mind, he made his way toward the main department of GCAU.

He wasn't going to go to the library or something. He was going to get some fresh air and be as high from ground as possible. So he climbed his way to the rooftop. It was late at night, and it wasn't like they were going to hand him the keys to the roof in the day time anyway.

So, he had no other option, but to climb the walls like a thief, which wasn't difficult or considered dangerous in Dick's opinion. He has been flying in the air and walking on thin ropes since he was a kid. Climbing a department with lots of windows and platforms was children's game to him.

When he reached the roof, he took his time to breath the cool air and just enjoy the view. The enormous campus of Gotham cit university, three tall departments with too many small windows in them, made it look much like the tall buildings in Gotham under the moonlight, with majority of the lights on, they looked as alive as the rest of the city itself. But those buildings weren't all that was left to watch. Dick was too familiar with his dorm department anyway.

He looked past the large campus ground, from its large library to its gym building. That university almost covered all the majors, from graphic to doctors, and from athleticism to science. That university had the most qualified and brand new facilities a student could ask for. The best professors, the best environment, best sources, best food, best everything. That place was a nerd's dream come true.

Everybody wished they could educate there. How could they not? That place was fucking amazing! But sadly or not, that university was the best, so it only would accept the best of the bests. One either had to be wealthy and utterly smart and talented, or out best the other opponent to get a free spot there, with the whole tuition and expanses paid for.

Dick had manged to get a scholarship too and was very eager to actually use it, but Bruce just talked him out of it. He reasoned with _'There are some people in Gotham, who actually need that scholarship more than you Dick. And if you use that free ticket, you'll take away someone else's chance to be what they want to be, but can't, because they couldn't afford it'_ which seemed sensible back then. So he refused his rightful scholar and let Bruce pay for his intuition instead.

But then he had to tolerate the critical glares or cruel whispers about him _'buying'_ his place at the university. He had earned his rightful spot there. anyone who had the same classes with him knew, that Dick was smarter than they gave him credit for.

But he has stopped correcting people about him. No matter what he did, people would still talk, and they talked about whatever they wanted too. So, trying to prove a point was a waist of time. Dick learned it the hard way.

His silent moment was interrupted by a familiar voice. "How the fuck did you get up here?"

Dick was terrified. He turned to face his visitor when he came across a face he didn't think he would see again for a long time.

Jason was approaching him, taking heavy steps with his combat boots and hitting the roof with anger. He had a cigarette between his fingers, which was half burned.

When the shock was gone, Dick asked. "What the hell are _**you**_ doing here?" His tone a bit risen.

"It's my spot, I come here all the times." Jason stopped walking when there was two steps between them.

"Are you kidding? How come I never saw you here?" Dick was utterly annoyed.

"Cut the crap Grayson. We both know it's the first time you step a foot here." He was scowling then.

"You'd know, wouldn't you? Just like the way you knew how I got accepted here."

He took a drag out of his cigarette and blew its smoke to aside. He was still scowling. If he was waiting for Dick to leave, then he had another thing coming his way. He just came there and he planned on staying. He wasn't going anywhere.

"But seriously. How did you get in here? Did you climb your way up or something?" Jason broke the silent.

Dick just stared at him. He couldn't quite place Jason's expression. Was he amused, or irritated?

"I did." He answered skeptically.

Jason's eyebrows were lifted slightly. He was clearly amazed, but didn't say anything. He took another long drag and turned to look at the campus from above.

Dick asked. "And I take it you didn't use the walls. You, what, picked up the lock?"

Jason gave him a devilish grin. His eyes were utter blue right then, which almost gave him a predatory look. "I did."

Dick was a bit confused and surprised. Who was this Jason Todd? The guy who smoked, had a bunch of tattoos, wore leather and combat boots, dyed a strike of his hair white and seemed to have picked a bone with rich kids?

His whole attire screamed of a dangerous nature. Dick should have probably avoided him, but as much as Jason's attitude irritated him, he couldn't stop thinking about the wild one-nightstand they shared.

He was a bit dizzy that night, that was probably why he enjoyed it that much. But whatever the reason was, he couldn't forget the feeling. It was the most intense sex he had ever had so far. So he couldn't help, but to inch for more.

But Jason wasn't a nice guy. He was just like the others, who judged him and whispered cruel words to him. Except, Jason had said what he thought to his face, and didn't hide underneath a fake smile. He was just being honest. Everyone, who took a glance Dick's way, would have the same critical thoughts, but they were too much of a coward to admit that to his face.

Not like the way Jason did. Maybe he was just being himself? Did Dick read too much in to it? Perhaps it was the killer headache that was clouding his judgment back then. Maybe Jason wasn't that bad if he just got to know him better.

Dick cleared his throat to get his attention, he smiled and said. "But seriously. I come here all the time too. How come I never saw you once?" Jason simply gave a slight shrug. So Dick continued. "Do you come here in the mornings?"

"Hell no. There's a fat chance I'll get caught sneaking up here, and...I'm too busy in the mornings." He inhaled the last drag of his cigarette and dropped the residue to squeeze under his foot and said. "Besides, it's more fun at nights."

They both turned to look at Gotham and its tall buildings and neon lights, reflecting in the dark sky. Gotham was a scene to catch at nights. He couldn't argue with that.

After a few minutes passed with silence, Dick decided to push for a conversion. "So, what do you major in?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm guessing graphic?"

Jason breathed a silent laugh. "Did the tattoos gave me away?"

"They helped."

Jason shook his head. "That's a no."

"So, then athleticism."

Jason smirked, but shook his head again. That one was a no then.

"An engineer?"

"Nope." Jason looked like he was having fun keeping Dick in the dark. He smiled like he knew a hidden joke and was laughing his ass out in his mind.

"Uh...physic?" He was dubious about that though. Sue him, Jason didn't look like the type to do science. But the again, Roy didn't look like a electric engineer nerd either. But he _was_ , and boy, didn't that ginger do magic with his skill.

"You're bad at this."

"Alright then. You try."

Jason glared at him. He stared back and gave him his best charming smile he managed to perfect years ago for a magazine picture. Jason had a determined look in his eyes, daring him to say something stupid so he would snap. Dick just kept quiet.

Finally Jason answered. "English literature."

Dick suddenly wanted so badly to sneer and ask if Jason was pulling his legs or what, but he didn't do any of them. Jason's narrowed eyes and his tense expression prevented Dick from making an ass of himself. Jason was tense, like he was preparing for something, most likely waiting for Dick to laugh and tease him for his major, because it most definitely didn't look like a major _he_ would choose. Apparently, he had been receiving some judgmental vibes too.

He just hoped Jason could read through the genuine meaning behind his sentence. "That's actually nice."

"Nice?" He sneered sarcastically. "Just say whatever's on your mind, Grayson."

Dick gave him a sly grin. He totally saw that coming, so he prepared what he wanted to say out loud. "You know, for someone who judges people from the first glance, you're pretty wary toward being judged yourself."

Jason scowled and his jaw went rigid. He was gritting his teeth together, like he was preventing himself from throwing a smart ass respond, or he was just containing himself from punching Dick. Either way, Dick was content from the reaction he got from Jason. He counted that as a tit for tat trophy.

Jason stepped a little closer, almost invading Dick's personal space. Smell of cigarette and leather hit him and he had to stop breathing for a second, before he embarrassed himself from sniffing Jason like a dog. He also noticed that Jason was taller than him, like, a few inches, but still.

When Jason spoke next, his voice was warningly low. "You don't know me Dick, and trust me when I say you don't wanna know me either."

Jason was only a foot away from him. One step and he would completely be in his space. The scar on Jason's upper lip caught his eyes, or it was rather the shape of those perfect full lips, he didn't know, he just stared at them. Memories of those lips chasing his own and trailing wet trades everywhere on his body came rushing through his mind. That was a heated and unnecessary memory. He couldn't think about Jason's lips when the the said man was standing before Dick, glaring at him.

Dick made eye contact with him. Those now blue eyes stared right back. "Well, I don't know about that." Dick's voice was just above whisper, but enough for Jason to hear.

They looked at each other a little, and before he knew it, his lips were on Jason's.

He wasn't sure who stared it, but he decided he didn't care. Jason's lips were warm and firm against his, that was all he cared about then, kissing Jason with as much heat as he could pour in it, kissing him the way he wanted to do for over a week then, refreshing all the good memories each time they moved their lips together.

Jason hooked a finger to his belt to pull him closer while cupping a firm hand on his neck to keep him still. Dick's hand constantly traveled from Jason's hair to his arm and chest. He was seeking more contact. Jason seemed to have the same thoughts, as he guided him backward toward the entrance door, never breaking the kiss.

Dick's back hit the wall and made him gasp, Jason kept kissing and ravishing his mouth, licking Dick's lips slightly, asking him to let the man in. Dick, too eager to deny Jason, opened his mouth to let the hot, wet press of his tongue to enter his mouth. Dick couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips as he brought his own tongue to meet Jason's.

Dick tilted his head to aside to have a better angel from Jason's mouth, and started to suck on Jason's tongue. Jason groaned and brought his hand under Dick's shirt to touch the skin there. Jason's hand were a bit cold, which sent chills to his spine. So Dick moaned again when the tip of Jason's tongue was between his lips.

They shared a few more deep kisses before Jason moved his wet trail to Dick's jawline, all the way to his ears. He nipped the lobe of his ear and bite slightly at it. Dick's hand meanwhile, found their way to Jason's pants. He unlocked the belt, the button, the zipper and brought his fly out. The sudden chill to the newly exposed skin, had Jason hissing a little. He licked Dick's ear shell before groaning again when Dick put his skilled hand on Jason's cock. He had Jason breathing heavy.

Jason moved from his ear to his neck. Dick threw his head back to give him more skin to roam, smiling all the while, loving how Jason kissed him eagerly, liking the sounds of wet kisses on his skin. Jason's hair tickled his chin a bit, the smell of his shampoo, bitter like dark chocolate, cold like icy vanilla, with a hint of spicy cigarette surrounded him.  Dick wasn't sure how he could detect them, while he was high on pleasure like that. Maybe that was how he knew, he would be a good detective one day.

Jason pulled back, only to go after Dick's pants, rubbed his palm a bit on the surface, where his cock was, just to hear Dick moan. The tease. He finally opened them and released his fly, Jason's hands were big, strong and warmer now. Those long fingers moved from the length of cock to his balls, giving them a squeeze, which had Dick gasping. Jason used that opportunity to push his tongue inside his mouth again.

It was too much, Jason's fingers traveling his shaft, hitting just the right places, putting enough pressure, knowing what they were doing. And Jason's mouth. God, that _mouth!_ Dick's jaw could move with those lips all night and never complain a word. Saliva was dripping down his chin, he was groaning shamelessly, the kiss was sloppy and needy, they were panting in each other's faces.

Everything was a mess, but Dick couldn't care any less. Jason was pressing against him, a pressure, assuring enough to create false convenience. Deep kisses were shared to make them forget that they were actually on the rooftop of their university's head department, giving each other hand jobs and sucking each other's tongues. Dick had bitten Jason's lips for God knew how many times. He would lean for a kiss, but pull back to aside with a piece of flesh between his teeth.

Dick has never been that intimated with someone in the public and outside the closed doors. It felt wrong, Dick should have been ashamed of himself, been more conservative, shown some modesty maybe. Who even was that guy? Why he should have thrown himself at him like a cheap man?

Right, because he was tired. It had been a tense week, he had been worrying about the world and everyone, he needed a break. He was tired and alone and Jason was there, handsome, keen and very tempting. So Dick gave in to the temptation, let his guards down if only for a couple of minutes, allowed himself some relief. He wanted to be selfish, to be drown in sin of craving to be used and to use in return.

That was probably wrong, but all Dick could feel right then, was pure excitement when he touched Jason like that. He would do that again too if he could.

Dick knew that he only ever met Jason twice, and both times, it was a sexual encounter, and that he shouldn't have read too much into it, but Jason was easy. He had that aroma around him that made you let your walls down and be yourself.

Jason had a sign written _'Danger, keep away'_ on his forehead. Jason was the guy that nobody approved of, Jason was the guy, who was easy, but complicated at once. If Dick wanted to ask Jason out and actually go on dates with him, he knew it wouldn't be an ordinary relationship. But he couldn't help to chase dangerous, trace thrill, something nobody had, someone Bruce wouldn't approve of.

He was getting crazy, he knew, but only ever the two times he had been with Jason he had those wild thoughts. Jason's presence in his life, he decided he liked it.

Jason bite down Dick's neck when he came. Dick's hand kept  stroking Jason till the last drop of his seed was out of his system. With a couple of more strokes, Dick followed Jason's trade and came while moaning his name. They stayed tangled in each other's arms, panting and breathing next to each other's neck.

Dick laughed breathlessly, they both had sneaked up on a rooftop and gave each other a hand job. What if they were caught? They were stupid, reckless and...alive.

He turned to look at Jason, he stared at those sharp blues, and he knew then, he liked the way they stared mischievously at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's late, but I hope it was worth the wait. I'll try to have a regular update from now on, but it just keeps getting harder, because every time I read your wonderful comments, I'd just wanna post the next chapter right away.
> 
> You might have noticed the change in their personalities, well...it was from the past, They both had changed one another...stay tuned and wait for the future chapters :) Oh, also, Jason's tattoos are there for a reason, so...
> 
> Your thoughts gives me life and motivate me to write more, sooner and better.  
> if I had a mistake, please feel free to let me know of it.  
> Thank you for reading :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we're back to the present day, when Dick wakes up after his drunk confession night with Jason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a another quick update, because you guys are amazing and your comments gave me life! No kidding.  
> Enjoy ;)

Dick's eyes slowly opened to bring him back to conscious, but sunlight had him closing them immediately. It was too bright, but he didn't remember keeping his curtains open. He blinked several times to push the blur aside. When his vision was clear again, he found himself in a foreign environment. Where was he?

He tried to move, but that only caused him to groan in pain. The damn hangover! His head felt heavy and ready to be explode into pieces right then, but he wouldn't mind his brain smashing out of his head if that meant the headache would go away. He put his hands on his forehead to rub his brow there, so he could ease some of the pain. False hope, it didn't help at all.

Dick huffed in frustration. He couldn't recall the last time he had drunken that much, or better off, for that particular reason...

But it didn't matter. Right then, he was at someone else's house, and he couldn't find his phone or wallet when he touched his packets. He was stripped off of his belongings, including his belt. But fortunately, he still had his clothes on.

Dick tried to stand, but as soon as he was on his feet, his head felt spinning, his vision went a bit black and he felt his stomach reaching up to his throat. His mouth tasted bitter, his lips were dry and his breathes smelled like acid...Oh crap. Anticipation rose in Dick.

He put a firm hand on his mouth and ran toward the second door in the room. To his relief, it was the bathroom. Soon, he was puking in the toilet and emptying his stomach to his core. He was panting when he was done. He took his breathing under control. Now that he had vomited, he felt a little better, but certainly not okay.

His mouth tasted like vomit, he had a killer headache, his clothes were sweaty and uncomfortable. He felt utterly gross. He wanted nothing more than an aspirin and a shower. But he just couldn't have that right away. He had to figure out where he was first. He washed his mouth and drank as much water as he could to devour the bitter taste in his mouth.

He tried to recall what happened the night before. Did he went to a stranger's house for a one-nightstand? Unlikely. He remembered feeling sad and despaired, remembered going to the outlaw's club to drink his loneliness away. Flashes of Roy and Stephanie's concerned voices and faces came to his mind. What else?

He remembered Jason. He remembered touching his hand, pleading, then the elevator, the door, chilly breeze, rooftop, Gotham, shouting, Jason, Barbara, his son...

He felt stupid.

Dick moved back to the room. It was still too bright, so he pulled the curtains close, and let his eyes wander the room he woke up in. The first thing, which came to the blue eye's though, was how neat the room was being kept, except for the king sized bed he was sleeping on a few minutes ago.

There was a wooden bookshelf that almost covered the whole wall, each shelf was filled with loads of books, which were elegantly put there. The books seemed well taken care of that one might have assumed, the owner didn't use then at all. And if the owner was who Dick thought he would be, then that theory was not true.

Dick's eyes caught the sight of a dagger on the wall, or it was better to say a Kris. It was a weapon with distinctive wavy blade, a dagger which was decorated to represent art and beauty that was associated with violence, death and bloodshed. It was Talia's gift to Jason, and the blue-green eyed boy held that very dear to him. So, of course he would put it somewhere, where the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes in the morning would be the Kris.

Dick saw his jacket folded on an armchair, with his phone, wallet, keys, belt and shoes next to it. His eyes caught glimpse of a pill and a glass of water on the nightstand. He abruptly ate the pill with a few gulps of water.

God bless Jason. If it wasn't because of him, Dick would have probably gotten himself into trouble. He would be either dead, or kidnapped or raped if Jason had let him stroll along the street while he was drunk out of his ass. Instead, he brought Dick to his place, took care of him, put aspirin on the nightstand for him and let Dick sleep on his bed.

Dick felt guilty, because the room looked like Jason's own room, and not like a guest room or something, because otherwise, there wouldn't be personal belongings like the dagger there. And the guy himself was most likely sleeping on the coach while Dick was puking in his toilet.

He felt pathetic for causing Jason so much trouble. He thought about lingering a bit to thank Jason, but decided against it. Dick thought, he couldn't just face Jason right then. He was gross, dizzy and had no idea what he had blurted out to Jason. He would talk to the man when he was all cleaned up and when he was able to think properly again.

With that in mind, he grabbed his stuff and proceeded to leave as quiet as possible. While he was tip toeing in the living room, he heard a light snore. He turned to see Jason was indeed sleeping on the coach, one foot on the ground while the other was dangling from the armchair. His mouth was partly open and drool was dripping down on his pillow.

The picture of an over grown man, barely fitting the coach, while drooling and looking like he was having the dream of his life was just...kind of cute? Dick halted a bit longer so he could watch him some more.

That was Jason.

He was looking at the same Jason he met five years ago. To the same extraordinary turquoise eyes, that would turn blue at nights and green in the morning. The same pale skin with all too familiar tattoos. The same full lips with that scar above his upper lip. The same jet black hair with that white streak. The same God like body structure. The same passion for books, the familiar smell of smoke, the obsession with leather and boots.

Jason was the same.

But then as he looked more, he realized he didn't know that Jason anymore. No, Jason wasn't quite the same person.

Only four months had pasted since their reunion, but Dick was a good judge of character. Whoever said otherwise, didn't know him well enough. Sure, Dick might have gotten himself in to some troubles, or had hung out with the wrong crowd, but it wasn't because he couldn't see through their motives, or was fooled, sweet talked, or because he was gullible. It was because he _wanted_ to.

Every single step  he took in his life was intentionally and had a purpose. Just like how he knew from the start that him and Jason wouldn't work, knew he would end up getting hurt, knew that they weren't going anywhere, he knew them all. But he couldn't help, but to want something different, couldn't help to be drawn to the dangerous vibe Jason possessed, couldn't help but crave more, didn't want to end that emotional roller coaster he had with Jason.

In his whole life, after his time in the circus, he was the most alive when he was with Jason. He couldn't remember a moment with Jason, when he didn't feel angry, annoyed, lustful, excited, furious, competitive, loved, abhorred all the while. Just like a roller coaster, one moment they were high in the cloud nine and then suddenly they were down to barking and biting, and they would ride that cycle over and over again. It was the amusement park of Dick Grayson and Jason Todd.

But everything had changed since then. Neither of them were the persons they used to be. Jason for that matter, was a whole new guy. Time had done a quite good job with him.

The Jason who used to be the grader of English literature essay, who worked for professor Diana prince, who was Jason's roll model back the, that same Jason had his own business then. He ran his own club, paid a bunch of employees and had a place of his own.

Jason was always independent, but he was too much of a rebel to just settle down like that. But what did he know? Dick wasn't a man of fancy suits, or a fan of sitting in an office for too much either, but there he was, the employee of Wayne enterprise.

Another noticeable change in Jason, was his behavior. He was no more socially reserved, or had a temper of a trigging nuclear bomb. He laughed more and joked around with his friends. From the stories Dick had heard from Tim or Stephanie or Jason himself, he gathered that Jason was the fun boss, who would actually make time to get to know his employees. Some of the people who worked there, were his friends anyway. Like Roy and Kyle.

Tim had told him, how Stephanie and Jason would team up to mock him about his coffee obsession, and would call him a caffeine addict. Or how Jason teased him about his crush on Conner, but at the same time, tried to make opportunities for them to meet.

Tim said. _' Jason tries to be subtle about it, but he's too obvious for that'_. Dick knew first hand what an expert Jason was when it boiled down to being subtle. So, when Tim pointed Jason's lack of stealth, Dick would argue _' It's because he wants you guys to see the obvious, to make sure you'd both realize that you were given some alone time together, so one of you would gain the courage to ask the other out. Duh!' ._

Tim and Conner has been friends ever since they enrolled in college and became best pals in no time. So close that Tim had developed romantic feelings for him, but refused to admit them to Conner. It wasn't like Tim was afraid of rejection, he simply cherished their friendship more than to risk it, with telling Conner how he felt, because if the feeling wouldn't be mutual, then it could make things awkward between them, which Tim had rather not to have than owing a potential relationship.

Whenever Dick brought it up, Tim would brush him off by saying _' If he wanted to, he'd ask me out eventually' ._ And with that being said, Dick didn't push any further. But Jason was the one, who insisted Tim should put his calculation and predicament aside and have some adventure.

Jason came a long way, from calling him _'replacement'_   just so he could piss Bruce off, to being the big brother that Dick was supposed to be for him. Time indeed had done him good.

Jason was a healthy young man, with a stable income, lots of friends while he still had the blunt talking. No more shutting people out, no more losing his temper, no more snapping at everyone, no more being extremely unstable, no more fear, no more irresponsibility, Dick saw none of that in Jason.

Maybe...maybe Jason _did_ mean it when he said five years ago, he would change for him as he begged Dick to believe him.

What did Dick do? He left him to marry Barbara. But Jason still did as he promised, he changed...

No..just no. He wouldn't go in to that path anymore. He...

He needed to go.

With that and a heavy heart, Dick left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I made it clear or not, but Jason had a history with Bruce and Talia. I mean, he wouldn't be Jason Todd if he didn't. And you heard it right...I said son somewhere in here!
> 
> Thank you for reading. :)


	5. Chapter 5

Jason woke up with an aching body. The coach he slept on last night was a good one, with a high quality and nice cushions, quite comfortable for laying or snuggling, but _not_ good enough for sleeping. At least not for Jason, considering he was too big to even fit in there.

He stretched his arms and his congested muscles. He felt a little dizzy, his body ached, he barley managed to catch a few hours of seep, and he was exhausted, like he had constructed a whole building in one night. But it was only his mind that wore him out with endless thoughts.

While physically his body begged him to give it some rest, his brain wouldn't have any of it and just kept wandering from one thought to another. Jason was so tempted to swallow some sleeping pills, but eventually he was able to drift to sleep in the morning.

He checked the time and it was 3 p.m, but who could blame him? His mind was going crazy upon hearing the shocking news. Dick was gone too. Not that Jason had been expecting him to stay, with the whole revelation and all.

Jason took his time to read every single article available concerning Dick and Barbara's divorce, that night while he was on staying awake mode. They all contained the same information, but with different words. But each news blogs declared _'Dick Grayson, the eldest son of billionaire playboy, Bruce Wayne, and Barbara Gordon, daughter of commissioner Gordon, had gotten divorce!'_

_'Gotham's favorite couples has officially cut their relationship. Rumors says that those two lovebirds had it **bad**! The former couple would not say a word about it though, and when asked from their lawyers, they simply declare that it was a mutual divorce, and that their clients did not get along with each other, hence they decided on a quite separation. They claim their client's reason for choosing that option is nothing beyond a lack of understanding between them. But looking through the incidents, the former couple has dealt with, it begs to differ that there are some hidden motives behind a two-sided agreement. The most important one being the unfortunate accident, Ms. Gordon had suffered five years ago, which resulted in the loss of their unborn child.'_

That last sentence had Jason's blood running cold.

Barbara was _pregnant?_ Dick and Barbara were going to have a _baby?_ Five years ago? But couldn't have, because Barbara got into an accident? How the _fuck_ he didn't know shit about that? Didn't he read the news? Oh, wait. He did. He just avoided news regarding Dick Grayson even the slightest, because back then, Jason was at the stage of denial with his break up. Of fucking-course he did. He was stupid and pathetic like that.

Jason dug the net, watched every single video, read all the blogs about Barbara's accident. The event happened almost five years ago, Barbara was presumed on her way to Gotham's hospital, all alone and by herself, while being four months pregnant.

The press's video footage had merely covered the event after the incident. They had filmed Barbara's damaged car, the arrival of ambulance, police force and hospital staff, who were taking the red haired out of the car and on the stretcher while she was unconscious. Her thighs and between her legs were bloody, her waist was painted crimson, an oxygen mask on her face.

The sounds of shouting and police alarm, the rush of ambulance forces, Barbara's lifeless body, it was all too much to watch, but Jason forced himself to see the video till the police report was shown.

That night, has been the night that commissioner James Gordon had died. Apparently, he had been diagnosed with lunge cancer and was deceased at the age of forty nine. Pretty young to be honest. Gordon was one of the few clean cops that was left in Gotham, and Jason felt utterly sorry for his death. Even though he didn't know the man himself, he had first-hand witnessed the commissioner's effort in fighting crime from his time living in the crime alley. That man was an honorable cop, who deserved a better death than a disease.

The police report revealed the trace of Barbara's latest phone call, and it was from the hospital her father was occupied on. The road, that the accident happened, pretty much led to that hospital's destination. It was suspected that upon hearing about her father, she was presumably in no condition to drive. So, they concluded the reason was clumsiness. But further investigation revealed of another car's involvement to the incident.

According to the traffic cameras, another car, whose driver didn't seem stable, had hit her's and caused her to lose balance and crash to another car on the road. The accident appeared to be sever, Barbara survived, but unfortunately, they lost their child while the maniac driver rode idly to what happened to her.

GCPD had detected the vehicle's number plate and found the criminal behind the accident. Jerome Napier, the psychopath who was on his run from the Arkham asylum. Arkham was a prison for lunatic criminals, because the government hoped they could cure and help those murder scums.

From what Jason could find on the internet, and his own encounter with the psycho, because that fucker was the reason Jason had his bat tattoo in the first place, Jerome had a heavy case of harassment, murder and so many other nasty crimes, so it was to be expected that he was guarded heavily. But he managed to escape with a glass.

Jason could totally imagine that scene. Jerome would innocently ask for some water, but then he'd smash the glass, slit the throat of the nearest guard in a blink of an eye and kills the remained staff with the deceased guard's gun.

Considering that night was the night of Gordon's death, then GCPD would be likely at its weakest condition, but how that lunatic knew about that was beyond Jason. He suspected the freak had a mole inside the asylum. Someone who could get close to Jerome without drawing suspects toward him or herself, like a guard or a doctor, but so far nothing had been reported, and the GCPD had scored the psychopath to the Arkham asylum again.

That system was screwed up. That fucker needed to be put down permanently, not to be locked up where he could escape and hurt people like Barbara and...Jason.

**********

 

A week had passed, but there was no trace of Dick anywhere. He didn't even show up for running sessions.

Jason tried to pull some information from Stephanie regarding Dick and Barbara's divorce, but she refused to say a word and brushed him off by saying _'It's not my place to talk about their family stuff, and it shouldn't be yours either'_

Jason knew that, but he couldn't help it.  Jason made it his business to know everything concerning Dick. He wanted to help Dick, he looked so desperate when he blurted everything to Jason drunkenly that night.

' _Nobody could ever love me'_

Dick's words would constantly echo through Jason's mind. It wasn't true. Jason did, and he would love him forever. Five years of separation couldn't eliminate the thought of those blue eyes off of Jason's mind and no amount of time could.

He thought about calling Donna, but guessed she wouldn't know more than what Jason had already found on the internet. So he called Tim to meet him for breakfast. But of course, he had to bribe the busy nerd that he would write his English literature essay for him. Because otherwise, he couldn't make time to spent with Jason. Jason knew he was being played, but decided to go along with it and write the worst essay ever, so the Timboy would be forced to rewrite it. Yeah, tit for tat Timmy.

When Jason asked about Dick and Barbara, Tim only told him as much as the press had published. But that wasn't why he called to meet up with Tim. "But why?" Jason asked.

Tim rolled his eyes and talked like Jason was stupid for asking the obvious. "I told you, they wouldn't get along _."

Jason cut him off. "No. That's what they've fed people. That's not the _real_ reason. I mean, come on! four years together and suddenly, they figured they couldn't understand each other? I don't buy it. I don't think anybody does."

Tim inhaled a tired sigh. "Jason I...what do you want me to say!"

Jason leaned closer, put both of his hands on the table and looked straight to Tim's eyes and lingered there for a good measure of time. Then slowly said. "I want you to tell me the truth." He hoped he sounded genuine enough.

Tim's eyes narrowed, he gave Jason a skeptical look, like he was trying to see through Jason. After a hesitation Tim simply asked. "Why?" That single word was translated to _'What are you up to?'_

"I wanna help. I'm his friend." Jason said without missing a beat.

Now, Tim looked wary and offended, his eyebrows came down to form a scowl. Apparently, it was before his third coffee in the morning. "He doesn't need _help_. Why would he need help?"

"Tim, cut the act. It only took four months and some alcohol for me to see it. You're his fucking brother. You mean to tell me, you hadn't noticed his change yet?"

"People change all the time, Jason. That's not reason enough, I mean, look at you. You came a long way from giving Damian ideas on how to kill me when I'm asleep, to trying to hook me up with your doorman."

"That's beside the point."

"What _is_ the point, Jason? I've changed, you've changed and he's changed too. Why would his adaptation require help?"

"Okay. First of, stop talking like the Demon. Second of all, his change is not good for him."

"Alright, first, I _don't_ talk like Damian! Second, sorry if I'm being blunt, but you don't know him Jason."

Jason just stared at him, suddenly, he found breathing to be hard. He retreated his hands back on his lap, Tim following his every move. Tim was looking thoroughly at him, like he was trying to read him. Jason didn't know what expression was being shown on his face, but whatever it was, seemed safe enough for Tim to continue.

"I know you guys had a history and everything. But, if I'm not mistaken, five years had passed since then. A lot of things has happened, and Dick...Dick is not the same person anymore. He's different now, and four months isn't gonna be enough to fully know a different person. Especially if you don't even know about what happened to them during those times. I mean...obviously you were recently informed of their separation, right?"

Tim drank a sip of his coffee and took Jason's silent as affirmative sign to his assumption. He wasn't looking at Jason when he continued. "Steph has told me about the night Dick came to your club and got drunk."

"Oh." Of fucking-course she has.

"Yep."

This time, Tim leaned with his hands folding on the table. He gave Jason a determined look. When he spoke next, his voice had the low authority of a protective brother, or maybe a boss who was trying to fire his employee as smoothly as possible. But what did Jason know? He couldn't even figure out his own breathing, let alone detect what a voice sounded like. "Look Jason, I don't know what Dick had told you that got you thinking like he was in desperate need of help _."

"I didn't _."

Tim brought a hand up to silent him. Jason officially felt like the poor employee, whose life was going to be ruin because of his mean boss.

" _But_ , I assure you that he's not. I admit though, Dick's change in behavior had all of us worried, but it was understandable, considering what he's been through. I guess all I'm trying to say is that Dick is allowed to change as much as the rest of us. People change all the time for different circumstances. For the better or worse, it would be part of who they would be. We're allowed to help them, but at the rage they'd permit us to. If we insist on _helping_ them, then they're gonna assume we don't accept the person they became, the person they've changed into. And that will lead to new problems and depression."

Tim paused, gave Jason time to process what he has been told. Jason understood what the nerd had said, he devoured every single word with the philosophy behind them, but he wanted to argue with the depression part. That Dick had already stepped in that stage and help was essential, but he kept quite.

Tim leaned back and breathed another tired sigh. "Dick is too stubborn to give in to depression. If you haven't noticed, he's more determined than ever now." He said it like he could read Jason's mind. That little wizard nerd. "I see your intentions here Jason, and I'm not saying he's completely fine, because he hasn't been for a long time. But I can't tell more than what Dick wants to offer. It's his story. It's up to him whether he wants to share them with someone else or not. Just talk to him. That might actually help more than you think."

Jason gave him a look. "I hate it when I can't argue with you."

Tim smirked, gave Jason a side look while sipping the last drop of his coffee. "What can I say? I'm just awesome like that."

Tim looked as smug as ever, but he was right. It was Dick's life and Jason shouldn't have been peeking his nose in it. That night on the rooftop, Dick wasn't on his right mind. He didn't have a filter on his mouth and made a drunk confession, he probably didn't even remember what he had blurted out to Jason. So, he had to mind his own business. Dick was a strong man, he had a caring family and a lot of friends. If he needed help, he would reach to them first, an uninvited assistance would not be welcomed. Especially coming from Jason, the man who had hurt him several times before, a man who had broken his heart more than a glass factory has broken glass.

But, Jason...he just wanted to make sure that Dick was okay, wanted to see him alright. Jason was his friend then, and beside that, they had shared a history together. They have held feelings toward each other. Jason have cared for that man and he would hold on that passion for as long as he breathed.

They said people tended to forget, given the right amount of time. They said it was in their nature to do so, but in Jason's case, that fact wasn't so accurate. He has never forgotten and he never would. He would always recall the memories that were filled with emotions and feelings. Whether it would be anger, detestation, shame, loneliness, happiness, sadness or even love. He carried those memories with him like how he carried clothes.

It was a bitter-sweet thing for Jason.

The taste of happiness and joyous memories would always be a as delightful and breathtaking as the first time. It would put a smile on his edgy expression and lighten up his irritated mood whenever they were brought up.

But unfortunately, the same intensity was true for unpleasant memories too. All the fighting, all the tortures, the loneliness, the death, the resurrection, they all held tight on Jason like a second skin, like the tattoos on his body. Every single of them felt as fresh as the initiate time. He never forgot. His memories were simply accumulated by the new ones. So, they got a little bit lighter over time, but never forgotten. The wild dreams, the dark nightmares did not allow that to happen.

So, not only five years of separation wasn't enough, no amount of time would be adequate to clear Jason's mind off of the feelings he had for Dick. He cared about the blue eyed man and wanted him to be happy. He always wanted that for Dick, but he was too coward, stupid and messed up to let that happen.

It was a mistake and Jason knew that too. He owned it like how owned his tattoos, a mark on his body that no holy water could wash away.

Jason gave the little nerd the essay he promised him. It was a pretty decent one that would earn him a, B plus or an A. Jason  **really** tried to write him a shitty essay , so Tim would have to work on it harder. With the amount of awful essays Jason had graded during university, he was quite familiar with a structure of a terrible one, and he could easily write as much bullshit as he pleased, but refused to do so.

He just couldn't bring himself to dishonor the art of English literature like that. It felt like betrayal. So, he held back on writing a masterpiece and worked on managing something believable, in case Tim turned out to be miserable at it.

Tim seemed pretty satisfy with it and paid for breakfast. Since it wasn't his money, Jason had the decently to order the most costly meal just to see that face on Timmy, a little regretful and reluctant to give his credit card to the waitress.

The older boy just grinned mischievously, leaned back on his sit and devour the irritation behind the fake calmness and polite smile. Jason damn well deserved it, that was a pretty good essay and besides, it wasn't like the nerd's credit card wasn't filled with thousands dollars. Because that was what happened when you had a billionaire for a dad.

After that, they talked about everything and nothing. Jason enjoyed Tim's company. He had a realistic attitude and a dark sense of humor. He kind of reminded Jason of Raven, with those round blue eyes, which were filled with wit and hidden knowledge.

Raven was Jason's Gothic friend. The mysterious librarian, who made being a bookworm a hot thing. It has been a long time seen Jason was aware of her and hadn't been in contact with her ever since he left university. He missed her dearly and Tim there resembled so much of that dark girl.

Both had short, jet black hair and extremely pale skin, with a serious perspective but witty comments. Their sense of humor mostly consisted of sarcasm, but accurate. They both overlooked the stuff and seemed to be always lingering on the worst scenarios ever, like how Tim would hold back on asking Conner, his employee out, because he held on the thought that his feelings might not have been mutual.

Raven and Tim weren't the most optimistic people, but they both were quite observant. When you looked in those eyes of them, you would feel naked, like they could go from seeing your soul, to reading your mind if you stared long enough.

But aside from the similarities they shared, they were quite distinct too. Raven was pretty quite most of the times, and you could sit on a comfortable silent with her. But unlike her, Tim was quite the talkative. Jason Blamed Stephanie for that. She was a blabber and never seemed to run out of bullshits to talk about, and she could be pretty influential too. So, Stephanie was at fault for Tim's nonstop mouth.

Nostalgia hit Jason, he really have missed Raven. It was unfortunate that they had to go to their separate path. He just hoped wherever she was, she would be okay.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jerome Napier is the joker in Gotham (series). And yep, Jason has a history with the joker as well, I mean, there isn't a Jason Todd without The joker...so...  
> Barbara's incident didn't end there, there's more to it, remember, Jason only knows what the press knows, and we have to wait to hear the complete story from Dick's pov. The same is true about their divorce too. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading. I'm so excited to read your beautiful thoughts about this chapter. Every single criticize is appreciated too. :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually happens after Jason and Tim's talk. Chapter 5 and 6 were supposed be a single one, but I figured It'd be too long. So...here it its.  
> Enjoy.

Jason rode his bike back to his club. Once there, he took notice of a black BMW which was parked in front of the outlaw's entrance. He couldn't think of anything fancy enough around that neighborhood to measure up the worth of the car's owner. It looked fresh out of the factory.

The glasses were black, so he couldn't see through them, but a sickening part of him wished it belonged to Dick. It was false hope though, he knew it. Dick was too occupied with the Wayne enterprises business, to leave them unfinished so he could spare some time with Jason.

He tugged his helmet under his arm and put his keys through the door lock. It was unlocked, but that wasn't of a surprise for him. Some of his friends actually lived and worked in the department, like Roy and Kyle. And they both had the keys to his club.

Jason and Roy were practically business partners. Well, Jason owned the place and did ninety percent of the management duty, the deals for purchasing drinks, opening and closing the place and everything, but Roy had a saying in their work, and he was the boss when Jason wasn't around. He would be the bartender when Roy had other works to do too. It was a two-sided partnership. Roy had been there for him since the begging of his business, and Jason would be there for him whenever he could too.

And Kyle was a trusted friend with a beautiful insurance named Donna Troy. So, it might have been one of them in there.

Jason walked inside and found Roy there, leaning his back against the bar table, his arms were crossed and beside him sat a lady facing the bottle of drinks in front of her. Her back was straight, long brown hair fell smoothly on her back and her legs were crossed. Roy saw him and abandoned the lady to approach him.

"You got company Jaybird." He said in a low tone. Roy gave him a pat on the shoulder and and left toward the direction of his room. His expression was a bit off. Who was that lady? What did she say to Roy to make him look like a kicked puppy in the morning?

He was about to find out. He walked a bit closer to her. "Can I help you ma'am?"

The lady stood up. "Not necessarily."

That voice, he knew that. He was familiar with that voice even more than he was with his mother's. She turned to face him and Jason felt like his heart might have stopped right there.

"Talia." He said her name like a pray, like her name was a breathe he needed to exhale. It tasted sweet on his tongue. He wanted to keep calling her name till he had enough of it.

Talia. Jason's savior, his guardian angle, his mentor, his flying raven.

"Jason." She greeted him.

He couldn't help but to smile. "Long time no see."

"Indeed."

Her face didn't twist to show any kind of feelings. Her expression was calm and collected as ever, her body language was relaxed and unreadable. Although it had been quite a long time since Jason had last seen Talia, to be exact, since he had parted from Dick, she wasn't showing any kind of desire to come closer or express longingness. She kept her composure while dressing up as the head of the Al Ghul enterprises, while she was being the eldest daughter of Ra's Al Ghul, the mistress Talia, the heir to the Al Ghul legacy.

"I'm really glad to see you again. Come on in."

"Aren't I already... _in_?"

Jason chuckled. "Not exactly. Come on, let me show you the way."

They traveled the way to Jason's section in silent. Jason unlocked the door and opened it for Talia to enter. She walked in and let her eyes wander his place. When the clicking sound of her pumps stopped, she turned to stare at him. Jason took his time to take in the view of her. Talia stood there, in the middle of his living room, with the grace of a queen. That picture suited her.

Jason walked toward her. There still hadn't been any words exchanged between them, but it was okay. Talia didn't need to speak a word to Jason, her eyes were thousands of poems. She was wearing a long sleeved, dark green dress, which reached just above her knees. A long necklace was on it with matching jewelries on her wrists and ears. She was wearing a light make up with the addition of a traditional eye kohl. Jason had seen her without it though, she was just as beautiful as ever, if possible, even more. Her perfect cheekbones and jawline, her dark brown hair, her tanned skin, she was gorgeous.

Jason stopped a few feet from her and kept staring at her emerald eyes, silently asking for permission to let him in her space. Her full lips twisted to form a small smile, her supernatural green eyes sparked with happiness, and it was answer enough for Jason.

He broke the distance between them and pulled her in for a hug. His hands went on her slim waist while he buried his face in the crook of her neck, and inhaled her rich aroma. Her smell was familiar and pleasant to Jason's senses. He breathed a long exhale from her, searching underneath the accumulated smell of colon and her shampoo to find her own sense. She put her arms around Jason and seemed to be seeking the same thing as she sighed in content while Jason nuzzled her neck.

"I missed you." He whispered. Talia didn't say anything back, but the fact that she allowed him in her personal space, to touch and breath in her sense, was all the answers he wanted.

Jason didn't want to part from her. Her arms felt warm and she smelled like cinnamon, but Talia had different ideas. She pulled back enough so they could properly look at each other. She put a hand on the side of his face and gently moved her thumb on his cheeks.

"How are you Jason?"

"Better now that you're here."

"You sure sound better." A pause. "I hope I'm not wrong."

After a light chuckle Jason said. "You're never wrong."

"Yes, mostly."

Soon, they found themselves sitting in the furniture and lost in a conversion while slowly sipping echium tea. It was Talia's favorite. That tea was a natural remedy for alleviating stress and especially good for reinforcing calmness. It could keep a person awake for a whole day better than any coffee or energy drinks. That was what Jason used to drink when he had a killer exam, and needed to stay up all night. All thanks to Talia.

So apparently, it was Damian's birthday and Al Ghul enterprises had a weapon shipment for Roman Sionis. And those reasons were enough to bring Talia out of her shell. She could come to Gotham to see her precious son, and to personally arrange the deal with Sionis. Two birds, one stone.

But everything was done before she came to visit him. She was there to say her fair-well and then would leave for Khadym. Work would be endless when you were the heir to a powerful and well-known international enterprises. She had a lot on her plate.

"I might give him a visit as well, before leaving." Talia said.

"But Damian's probably at Gotham academy __."

"I didn't mean Damian... _him_." She gave him a determined look.

Oh. Realization hit him. Of course she would want to visit her beloved. Even after everything that happened between them, she still loved him. Damian was just an excuse, so she could see her beloved again. Everything she did was because of him. She became pregnant because of him, gave birth to Damian because of him, fought her father for him. She even brought Jason to her house and took care of him because of Bruce.

The playboy billionaire jerk. who was probably sitting in his office at the Wayne tower, looking at Victoria secret's magazine to choose his next arm candy for the next outrageously expensive and pointless gala, and let poor Lucius Fox and his golden son, Dick Grayson, to do all the work. He __.

Wait a second.

"So, you're going to the Wayne tower, right?" Jason asked.

"Where else do you think he is then? He is a workaholic."

Jason knew that was true, but he liked to think Bruce was the moron he pretended to be. "Right. So, can I ask for a favor?" Talia rose a suspicious eyebrow. He took it as a sign to go on. " I wanna come with you too. I mean, to the Wayne tower."

Silence.

"I need to see someone." Jason pressed.

Her eyebrows came down to form a frown. "You're not going to see Richard, are you?" She asked skeptically.

Busted. "How did you _ . You know what, never mind." He should have known by then not to question Talia's ability to read him.

"Why?" She simply asked.

Jason bite his lips and looked anywhere but at her. He was debating on telling her about Dick and Barbara's divorce, but she probably already knew that. He thought about telling her how Dick was drowning himself with endless work and isolation, in a way that the effects were visible on his physical and mental condition.

He wanted to tell her about how miserable and breakable Dick looked that night on his rooftop. About how the blue eyed man needed someone to save him from drowning, from losing it, from being alone. He needed a friend and Jason wanted to be that ally when everyone else seemed to have given up on him. He...he just wanted to help the man he loved.

Jason finally answered. "I wanna talk to him."

"Look, Jason, he's __ ."

Jason immediately cut her off. "No, no. it's not what you think. I just wanna see him, really."

She didn't look convinced at all. "Why all of a sudden?"

He sighed, licked his lips nervously and tried to form the right words, so he wouldn't confuse her any further. "We've actually been seeing each other lately. It's just been a few months. We run together, his brother comes to my club often and we just found out we have some common friends."

Talia gave him a good. She wouldn't buy anything he said. "I'm quite sure, there is a hidden motive beneath this strange friendship of yours."

"I...well." He didn't know why all of a sudden he found out that he couldn't actually talk to Talia. Maybe it was because Dick was the subject of their discussion. Normally, Jason wouldn't be that much startling when Dick was brought up, but with her, Jason was lost for words. He couldn't keep her stare while mentioning Dick. The last time Dick was the subject of their speaking, was filled with tears, curses and disappointed looks. She had the same look on her beautiful face again.

The flashbacks hit Jason.

 

_The images of a younger Jason clutching the register's paper of a job. He was suggested by his favorite professor, Diana Prince, for an English literature teacher job at Gotham academy. His passion in his major and his extraordinary skills at grading literature essay had finally paid him off.  
_

_Everything was perfect, except, it wasn't. He finally could have what he always  wanted, but really, he couldn't.  
_

_Dick was gone, nothing was perfect. Dick had gotten married to a pretty girl, he couldn't have what he really wanted._

_What was the point of accepting the offer for a job when all he could think about was Dick? How could he continue reading a poet and not think about his smile, his eyes, his warm arms and his gorgeous body. How could he possibly grade a single page and not be reminded of the times he and Dick fooled around every time Jason put a red pen on an essay._

_Everything about literature would remind him of the blue eyed beauty and Jason forever had to live with the fact that he lost the man he loved. Because he was too fucked up, too scared, too hot-headed to see how lost he could be without him, until Dick had enough of Jason's shit and moved on with that red haired girl._

_She was everything that Jason wasn't. She was raised in a healthy, happy family and had none of the issues he owned. She had a kind expression and a loving smile on her lips. But Jason had a harsh face with his eyebrows constantly knitting together, and a scar on his lip instead of a smile.  
_

_Sure, Dick didn't give a shit about his scars or his scowls, he was just opposed to Jason's unforgiving attitude toward Bruce. His wrath, his furious temper, his inability to express any emotions except anger, his arrogance and his incapability of being himself._

_Those were the reasons to why he left Jason. Because Dick wasn't that shallow to care about something as pointless as appearance, he was attractive enough to have any beautiful creature he desired, with the slight twist of his index finger. But he chose to be with Jason, because he genuinely loved him._

_Jason loved him too, so he didn't want to be part of something the blue eyed man used to be once._

_He fist his hand and the registration paper was clenched harder. Talia was utterly disappointed, she called him weak, pathetic, fool, begged him to reconsider, to cease ruining his future. But Jason had long lost it, just because he was madly in love with a man, who belonged to another woman then._

_Talia shouted and reviled at him, but Jason could read the understanding in her emerald eyes. Like him, her heart was broken by one of the Wayne boys, her dreams were haunted by a set of blue eyes too. She knew how Jason felt. She __ ._

 

 

"Jason." Talia brought him back to the world of reality. She was looking questionably at him.

Right. She was waiting for an answer when he zoned out.

"What?" He sounded silly saying that.

Talia the patient woman she was, calmly said. "You were talking."

He cleared his throat. "Look, it's just that...last time I saw him, he wasn't...well, you could say, at his best condition. And I haven't seen him ever since. I just wanna make sure he's alright."

"Then call him."

"I don't have his number."

"If you are the friend you claim to be, then why don't you have his number?"

"I...we aren't that close. We meet when we go for a run and I...We talk while we're at it. Nothing more."

"Then his well-being shouldn't be of your concern."

"I...it's just..." He hated how he fumbled in her presence when Dick was brought up. _'Get your shit together. What are you? seven?'_

"He's not alright Talia. I know it. I...I just do. I wanna help him."

Her eyebrows twisted together. "Listen to what you're saying, boy. His well-fare state is none of your business. You are not even properly friends. The man you once loved, is no more. He has moved on and so should you."

He huffed loudly and rested his head on the backrest of the furniture. He closed his eyes, that conversion was irritating the fuck out of him, Tim had said the same stuff to him too. Why couldn't anyone see is genuine intentions? "It's not what it looks like."

"Then enlighten me."

He sat properly to look straight in her eyes. He tried to be as calm as possible. "Okay, listen. There's no good way to start this, so I'm just going to go straight to the point."

Silence.

"I know you and Bruce are done now, but what if it was Bruce who needed help."

"Bruce and Grayson are two distinct individuals. You can't compare them together."

"I know, I wasn't trying to. I was just asking you about him. What would _you_ do if it was _him_ that wasn't alright?"

"I would say that it's not of my concern."

"Yeah, you'd say that. But would you think like that too? Feel like that?"

She was quiet then. Her expression was unreadable, but her eyes gave her away. She knew it too, so she looked away, at anything but his face. She finally said. "He has his family to take care of him." Her voice was small.

"What if they don't. For whatever reason."

"He's strong enough on his own."

"But, everybody has a breaking point."

She turned to stare at him, reached out to put a gentle hand on Jason's face, stroked the skin beneath her fingers. When she talked next, her voice had a hint of concern. "You looked so good when I first stepped here. So good that I thought to myself, after all these years, you finally have found yourself, that you've finally settled down, that you're over your past now, running your own business and my son is all grown up." A pause. "But I presume I was wrong in some cases."

That stung, probably even more than it intended to.

No. He's changed. He wasn't the same miserable love sick Jason she last saw all those years ago, not the same pathetic Jason, who gave up the dream he worked so hard to achieve, in a blink of an eye, in front of her. It has been a long time since then. Jason didn't want her to leave with the same image of him again. He just wanted to see Dick and talk like two adults . Damn it, he wasn't fourteen.

"No, no, no. You're not wrong Talia. Not at all. I've moved on, it's over. I don't have an alternative purpose, I swear. It's just that...well. You can move on, but you'll never forget." Her hands stopped midway.

He continued. "I know you're over Bruce, but how long has it been Talia? Have you forgotten about him? Have you stopped fighting with Ra's?" Her hands dropped. "You wouldn't be there for him when he needs you?"

She put her lips in a thin line. Her brows were slightly coming down. He knew he was hitting all the wrong buttons, the fact that he got a reaction from her was the proof. But he felt like justifying himself. He didn't want her to remember him that weak.

She knew what he was talking about. She was familiar with the feeling long before Jason came to the view. She was constantly in dilemma between getting her father's approval or staying loyal to Bruce, to act at the behest of her personal gain. That was the main reason to why Bruce left her.

Ra's wanted Bruce to marry his daughter, because he considered him _'The man, who was worthiest to marry Talia and become his successor'_. However, Bruce didn't agree with their (sometimes) illegal methods of earning money, and since Talia was to be the heir of the Al Ghul organization, it meant that Bruce would be Ra's successor and was expected to continue the illegal family business.

Of fucking-course Bruce wouldn't accept that. So, their passionate, loving marriage turned into a war zone, and Talia was stuck between being faithful to her father and choosing the love of her life. That fucking Wayne couldn't just put his pride and stupid moralities aside to take a glance her way and see how she was struggling to keep both parts satisfied. Just the more reasons for Jason to hate him.

"No." Her voice was firm and void of any emotions. But Jason knew, she was just keeping a strong face in front of him. A mask she showed everyone, to make them believe she was fine, but Jason knew better.

After a sigh, she continued. "What if he doesn't want your help?"

Jason looked at her. "I...I don't know."

Awkward silence stretched between them. He didn't dare to break it.

She was right! What would he do if Dick rejected his help? It wasn't like he was going to ask him directly _'Hey, Dick. You don't look okay to me. Maybe I can be of some assistance'_. It was a slow process. He'd do what friends did for each other to feel better.

But, what if he really didn't need it...

No. He's been thinking about it for over a week then. He had weighted the possibilities and more importantly, he knew Dick. He could tell if something was wrong with the man, and he was determined to be there for him.

"Very well."

Jason arched an eyebrow. "Very well what?"

"I don't have all day Jason. If you're going to come with me to the Wayne tower, then get up before I change my mind."

He smiled and gave her a look. He used all his willpower not to blurt _'I knew you cared'_ . He opened his mouth to say __ .

"Do not say something you'll regret later, young man."

Jason closed his mouth. He just wanted to thank her for giving him a free access to the Wayne tower, and saving him the trouble of sneaking in, but...

Oh well. Guess he should have just shut up and move his ass already. It was going to a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Jason's decision to give up on his dream seemed a bit too cheesy and stuff, but people tend to make some seriously harsh choices when they're emotionally hurt. The strong will you have in a break down, would give you the courage to do stupid stuff. Because you'd unconsciously wanna do anything that'll help to sooth your broken soul. And I'm not talking about break ups only. I had my share of bad decisions and having break downs too. That happened when my grandfather died. I still cry at nights when I think he's not here anymore.
> 
> Anyway. Sorry to bore you with my bullshits. I hope you have enjoyed this chapter. Next two chapters are gonna be from Dick's pov. Let me know your sweet sweet thoughts, I'm writing a very important chapter and I seriously need motivation. (I'm sooo bad at this) Evey single criticize would be appreciated too.  
> Thank you for reading! (^_^)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a flashback of Dick and Jason's relationship. And It's from Dick's pov.

Dick closed his eyes and sighed in content as the drops of water fell on his body to wash the love marks of Jason, the touches of his hands and the kisses he left a few minute ago on his body. He rubbed his fingers on his arms and abdomen, where Jason's hand traced his skin, chased the hickeys on his thighs and licked his own lips, where Jason's mouth sucked the breath out of his lunges.

He knew he was smiling like a fool to himself, but he couldn't help it. The memories of their lovemaking would dance before his vision as he moved his hands on Jason's prints. He almost didn't want to wash Jason's trace off of him. He liked the love marks Jason would leave on his body. He had a feeling Jason has known that too, because he made sure to mark him every chance he got, leaving the evidences of his existence there, surrounded Dick with them, claimed him as his territory.

Dick loved the skin Jason would paint on his skin. Never ever in his life would Dick have thought that a bruise would make him that happy. He guessed it was just one of the many hidden things Jason managed to bring out of him. The concealed craves he never dared to show anyone. But Jason seemed to have no difficulties to detect them, to find Dick's darkest desires and lay them on the surface for Dick to see. It was so easy for him, almost like he did it unconsciously.

Just like how he would play the big spoon every time they slept together. Jason would gather him in his warm arms and press him tight against his chest, to the point where Dick could feel the steady beat of his heart. The sound which was music to his ears, the lullaby that lured him into deep dreams. Jason's breath against his neck was the warmest breeze he had ever felt.

Dick liked being the little spoon. He started liking it ever since Jason held him like that, so protectively in his arms, keeping Dick away from the world, proclaiming a possession over him while stubbornly denying the affection. Dick smiled to himself. He liked it more than that.

Dick had stopped hiding his desires at some point. What was the point when Jason kept unwrapping them without any efforts like that? Not only could Jason strip him from his clothes, he could expose his soul to the world, the world which they held in each others hearts. Jason's arms were the only world he knew, the only world in which he was human, the only embrace he was himself. Jason would show the real Dick Grayson then, in the holy privacy of their arms.

Dick sneered. _Holy!_ There was nothing sacred about anything they did, about anything they had, hell not even about the concept of them. Him and Jason. They were the idea of a sin. Two boys craving a forbidden affection, two boys making love in the world where its churches said, they won't be send to heaven, because they dared to cherish a wrong love, a false passion, an illness of their biology.

Every time those thoughts would invade his mind, Jason would kiss the self-doubts away. The kisses which said, _'Don't listen to what they say. Make love to me and worship me instead of the ancient words that won't be able to express what love is'_. Jason would look at him and those green-blue eyes of his would whisper _'You don't need heaven, your heaven is your lover and him only'_ . Jason's eyes talked of love stories to him and Dick decided, he liked that conversion better.

They weren't sinners, what they felt wasn't sin. Jason was the love, and Dick was the said lover. That was what they were. Dick made sure to let him know about that every chance he got too. Even though Jason never said them back, even though he looked away scowling or rolling his eyes in annoyance whenever Dick said how much he loved the man. Even in those moments, Dick knew better.

He could read through the flushes of his ears, or the times he moved his jaw to aside, or when his grips on his hands became rigid, Dick knew. He knew what went on Jason's mind. For as much as Jason pretended to be a person other than who he truly was, shielding himself from the world, he was pretty exposed to Dick's eyes. He could read through Jason's actions.

Jason was hiding, he was trying to run away from the bitter reality, from confrontation. He was afraid, afraid of being exposed, afraid of being broken, of showing his real self, to be judged and abandoned, from being chewed and used. He concealed himself behind a shell and nothing would bring him out of that shield. Not even Dick's love.

Dick rubbed his face under the spray of water. Jason loved him, he was sure of that, even though he never admitted that out loud, Jason loved him. He knew it. He'd be patient with him, he'd wait for Jason, because Dick loved him even more, and he didn't need sweet words to realize how much the man cared for him. Dick would look at the man's eyes and they would tell him all the things he needed to know.

The glassy silent of those eyes, which broke pieces of affectionate words to his heart.

* * *

 

Dick toweled his hair as he walked toward the kitchen of his dorm house, where mouth watery smells were coming from, and found Jason there, facing the stove as he was stirring the pan in front of him. Dick smiled at the scene. He put his towel around his neck to free his hands, so he could wrap them around his abdomen and hug him from behind. He pressed the side of his face to Jason's and landed a kiss there, but didn't pull his lips back and let it linger on his skin a bit longer.

He fucking loved it when Jason cooked for them, although from the smell of it, he was actually doing it for himself since he was making the meat sauce he used for chilly dogs. But still, it was a scene he held dear to himself.

"Didn't take you long." Jason said.

Dick hummed and whispered to his skin. "Didn't want to wash the traces of our lovemaking...just wanted to be cleaned."

Jason poured some salt to the pan while saying. "Then you could have used the tissues and wouldn't wasted the warm water."

Dick continued with his low voice. "Well, a certain someone managed to wear me out quite... _hard_ I'd say. So, I was left sweaty and needed to wash up."

He could feel Jason's smirk from where he was pressing his face to his. He probably had that cocky expression of his again. Jason didn't need to say it out loud, his voice told him what was going on his mind _'I fucked you hard and good then'_ . Pun intended and all. That was what Jason did, he called it fucking while Dick called it lovemaking.

Jason sneered. "Yeah? Then you haven't washed up well." He turned off the stove and turned around to face him, cocky expression indeed on his face. "Think I should come and do it for you this time?" He grabbed the towel from his neck and dropped it on the floor, with one hand he pulled Dick against himself and buried his face in the crook on his neck. "Maybe go to the places you can't reach yourself."

Dick titled his head back to feel more of Jason's breath on his skin. Jason planted a few kisses there, presumably on the places he left his hickeys. Dick closed his eyes and smiled. He just got out of shower and Jason was sniffing him like a dog. Dick decided he liked it. It was Jason's way of claiming ownership over him. It was wrong to feel that way of it. It was just **wrong** , he knew it. They were both sick, but Dick loved to be sick with Jason like that. Who was there to judge him for it at the moment anyway?

Jason moved his mouth to place it on Dick's ears. He whispered. "Rooftop?" And that single word had enough hot breeze to send shivers down to his spine. Jason seemed to have felt it too, because Dick could sense the side of Jason's face twisting to form a smirk. He continued. "After dinner maybe?" He parted his lips a bit to trace Dick's ear lope with his bottom lip, smoothly brushing the shell there, up and up again.

"Don't you have essays to grade? I remember you saying something in the line of _'I have a professor Diana Prince to impress'_ Jut when I came here." Dick hooked one arm around Jason's shoulder to hold the man firm, and had his other hand tangling in his hair.

"I finished them while you were at the shower."

"And you managed to cook as well? Wow, Jason. You work with the speed of bullet, because as far as I recall, you said it didn't take me long to shower."

Jason groaned and pulled back. "Busted." Dick rolled his eyes, but chuckled at the annoyed face Jason was making.

Jason kept staring at him for a while, seeming to be lost in his own thoughts. Dick gave him an encouraging smile and let Jason watch him for as long as he pleased. It was rare occasion where Jason seemed to just be zoning on him and him only like that. Dick liked attention, but there was only one person he wanted full attention from. His eyes, those were the only observers he needed. So, he smiled and locked eyes with Jason in the staring contest they were having.

Until Jason broke it. "Guess that's what happens when you have a detective as your..." He didn't finish his sentence.

As your what? Dick was eager to know. As his pal? As his boyfriend? He would even dare to think as perhaps...lovers?

Why did Jason swallowed his sentence? What did he want to say? Dick's skin was itching to know. Did Jason think of him as his boyfriend? Dick wanted to ask, but kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to put pressure on Jason like that. He would eventually talk. Dick just had to be patient.

Suddenly, Jason's expression fell, his mouth stayed slightly parted from where he left his sentence incomplete, his brows came down. For a split of second Dick thought Jason looked confused, but then the man instantly set his jaw to a rigid hold and brought his eyebrows down to openly frown then. Before Dick could think to ask what was wrong, Jason had already grabbed his face to press their mouths together.

Dick made a surprised yelp, but the sound was swallowed by Jason, he cupped his face in a solid hold, bringing Dick's face as close to his own as he could, to the point where Dick's cheeks were blocking his view from how high the piece of flesh was being pulled forward. He put his hands on Jason's forearms, tried to pry the man off of him, but that only seem to increase Jason's strength, because he kept pushing back, not letting go of him even the slightest.

Dick made a sound of protest, but Jason ignored it and seemed to be focusing on keeping Dick in a firm hold, like he was afraid Dick would escape. From the little he could see through his half opened eyes, Jason was scowling, squeezing his eyelids hard, like he didn't want them to be open, like he was afraid to see.

Dick tried calling his name, but Jason only used that opportunity to kiss him deeper, desperately licked his lips, bite them, nipped on the flesh between his teeth. It was a sloppy kiss. Jason was trying to distract Dick. What he was doing, was a mess. Maybe he just wanted to distract himself, to focus on Dick and satisfying him than facing what was coming for him. On the answer he had to give, to escape from the reaction he would get from Dick.

Jason was trying to pry him off from answering, and he did what he felt could save him. Dick stopped struggling at some point and let Jason do what he wanted with him. Trying to pull back was in vain, because Jason would only push back to keep him there.

There Jason went again, closing himself off whenever the subject of them or their feelings were brought up, shielding himself behind the intimacy of a sexual interaction, escaping from confrontation, trying to distract Dick long enough for him to forget it was ever mentioned.

Dick sighed and hooked his arms around Jason's waist to give him assurance that he was there, that he wasn't going anywhere, that he had stupidly bought in his distraction. And that seemed to work, because as soon as Jason was sure that Dick wasn't going to run away, he eased his hold on him and stroke his thumb on Dick's numb cheeks.

Dick fully closed his eyes and kissed him back. What other choice did he have? That was how Jason showed love to him, through flirtation and intimacy. The _'I love you'_ sentences Jason was supposed to say, where hidden in the heat of his kisses. The _'I'm really glad to see you again'_ voice was lost in the depths of his flirts.

But Dick didn't brought those concealed pieces up, because he loved the man and he loved those moments, which were filled with insecurities, denial and regretful sighs. That was the most Jason was willing to offer. So, Dick tried to hold on what he had then, until Jason would finally come to him with his whole being. Dick would wait for that moment, because that man made him feel alive, and only in those moments which were filled with insecurities that he shared with Jason, were when he felt human again.

Until then, there was Jason, warm lips, strong hands and the hot breaths they shared. And that was all he needed to focus on.

Their moment was interrupted by Dick's phone ring. Jason didn't break the kiss. Dick tried again. "Jay..."

"Just don't answer it." He mumbled between their lips.

"Hmmm." He broke the kiss again. "I can't Jay. It's Bruce's ring call."

Jason groaned. "The more reasons to ignore it."

Dick scowled and pushed slightly at Jason's chest to create a gap between them. "Stop acting like a baby Jay."

Jason sneered bitterly. "Yeah, okay then. Go running when your rich sugar dad calls."

Dick pushed rather harshly at Jason to pull away from his embrace. "Don't start with that shit again."

Jason pushed equally hard at his shoulders. "You don't **_get_** to tell me what to do."

Dick was torn between giving Jason a smart-ass respond and asking what the hell was his problem with Bruce, and answering his phone first. But Jason's arrogance and that stupid music weren't helping, they just increased his irritation further. "Ugh!" He shouted out of frustration and walked up, or rather marched with how heavy his steps were hitting the ground, toward his phone.

"Yeah?" He picked the call.

" _Dick?...Is that you?"_

He rolled his eyes even though Bruce couldn't see it. "What? Did you call the wrong number or something?"

" _No, I...are you alright, son?"_ Concern was visible in his voice. Bruce probably could hear the irritation in his voice.

Dick inhaled a deep breath. "Yeah, it's just...I have this exam and it got me pretty worked up."

" _Are you sure It's nothing else_ _?"  
_

Jason came to lean against the wall before Dick, arms crossed and scowl still apparent on his handsome face.

"Yeah, Bruce. Everything's fine...how are you?"

" _I'm good. In fact, I couldn't be better."_

"Someone's in a festive mood...wait!" Realization hit him. "Oh crap, I totally forgot about the court! I've been wanting to call you all day Bruce, honest! But I just...shit, what happened."

" _It's over, Dick. Damian's going to stay with us."_ Bruce had won the custody battle.

"No way! That's freaking great, Bruce! I'm really glad for you."

_"Thank you, son. It's been a hard battle, but we were able to pass it victorious."_

Dick laughed at his father's formality. Damian hadn't gotten his conventionality gens individually from his mother. Bruce would switch to professional mode whenever he was utterly happy from the bottom of his heart. Guessed his father wasn't all that happy often that when he was, his brain cells would mess him up.

"I know, right! Gosh I'm so happy to hear that. This has been the best thing I've heard since a long time."

" _We won, Dick. We won."_ He said it like he couldn't believe it himself yet. Oh hell, Dick was still getting to grips with it too.

"How's Damian? How's he dealing with this?"

" _He's alright."_

"Is he there?"

" _Yeah, hold on a sec."_

And exactly a second later, Damian's voice came through the line. It was like he was sitting beside Bruce and waiting to take the phone away.

" _Grayson."_

"Hey there little D. How are you feeling today?"

" _As usual. I don not feel any different."_

"You're officially a Wayne now. I think that quite counts as especial."

" _Tt. I have always been a Wayne. It was merely a matter of mother's stubbornness and some paperwork."_

"Well, those said paperwork, officially signed you as my little brother now. Which means..." He waited for Damian to finish his sentence.

" _That I officially have to tolerate your annoying presence in my life?"_ He could practically hear the eye roll though the line.

"It means that your allowance to use the phrase 'it's none of your business' is legally snatched from your grips."

" _Yes. I am as you might say_ 'stuck _'  with you now."_

"I know little D! Prepare yourself for older brother to pick his nose in every single aspect of your life. Gosh, I can't wait to tease you about your first crush. And the best part is that you can't complain a word, because I'm your brother and I _can_ totally do that."

" _Tt. You are an idiot, Grayson."_

"I love you too, Damian."

Jason sneered from where he was leaning against the wall, listening to their conversation. Dick raised an eyebrow questionably at him, he just gave another bitter sneer and pushed himself from the wall to go to his room.

Dick didn't acknowledge him, he kept his conversation with Damian up. He was too happy to get annoyed over Jason acting like a baby again. He simply couldn't bring himself to care any less if Jason was pissed that he chose talking to Bruce over making out with him. Dick didn't regret picking the phone up, the good news he heard, just quickly lightened up his mood like that. He wasn't going to hang up because Jason seemed to have picked a bone with Bruce out of nowhere.

So, he kept talking to Damian and Bruce for a good portion of time, before Damian started arguing with Tim over the phone and Bruce had to excuse himself to separate the brats. Dick didn't mind though, he just laughed at his family's drama and wished them fair-well before hanging up.

* * *

 

He went looking for Jason and found the man next to his bedroom windows while he had a half burned cigarette between his lips. He took a long drag and let the smoke slowly leave his mouth. Jason was trying to keep the smoke, the nicotine taste in his system some more. He only ever needed that much chemical in his blood, and that was when he was outrageously furious. The way he kept smoking in that calm pace, smelled of nothing good. It was like the peace before a hurricane.

Dick was in for deep shit. He had to be caution about what he was going to do next. He slowly approached Jason, like how a prey would curiously get closer to a predator tiger, only for the wild cat to snap and eat him alive. Dick was most definitely expecting that to come, it always did. He was used to it by then, but he approached carefully anyway. He was pretty confident he got the idea of how to handle Jason in those situations by then.

"Hey." Jason didn't acknowledge him.

Dick tried to bring a hand up to touch his arms, but before he could even lay his hands on his cloth, Jason beat him to it. "Don't even think about it." Jason said coldly without even turning his head to look at him.

Dick's hand stopped midway. Sometimes, he just forgot that Jason cherished his personal space a lot. Well, with the way he held Dick so _tight_ against himself, how could he not? Dick retreated his hand, but didn't make a comment about Jason sulking like a kid there.

He tried again. "Aren't you hungry Jay? I think the food's gonna get cold...and besides, Bruce just told me he won the custody battle. I think that calls for a celebration."

Jason turned to give him a nasty glare. "Celebration? Bruce separated a mother from her child and that calls for _**celebration**_?"

Oh God. Not with that shit again. "Jason, you already know the story. Talia isn't the innocent mother here."

"What do _**you**_   know about her?"

"More than _you_ do. Talia hid Damian from Bruce all these years. How come you can't see that she separated a father from his son for that long, but see that Talia's the victim here?"

"Because Bruce couldn't keep his family when he had them, he left. And now he pops out and snatch his son from the woman he _left_ behind? I'm not blind like you Dick. I don't have a dad to order me around and I comply like the moron you are. But I have a woman who cared for me like a mother. And she'd **burn** the whole fucking world if it meant she could be with her child. So  ** _I_** would know."

Since Jason had started with poetry responds like that, Dick would be glad to give him one. "What are you implying here? That we did evil and we're the devil for being happy about it?"

Jason fully turned to glare at him then. "What the fuck are you saying? Is this the damn time for teasing?"

Dick couldn't get that why Jason was so angry. Dick had heart such a good news. He was so happy, Jason should have been happy for him too. But then he was there, barking at him like he was a wild cat and Dick had taken his beloved kitten away from him.

"Jay __."

"You say that I don't know her, but it looks like _you've_ forgotten who she is. She's _Talia Al Ghul_ , daughter of Ra's fucking Al Ghul. You think it was easy for her all this time? To be treated like an unwanted woman, rejected by Bruce fucking Wayne, because that asshole didn't want to bring his head out of his ass and see the reality? That the world isn't sunshine and fairy tales? That bastard had his family, but he abandoned it. He broke her dignity and left. Then he came back to take the only thing she had, the only thing left for her, a piece of herself **again**. And I'm supposed to celebrate that and be happy because Bruce had won?"

Dick knew he was giving him a confused look. "You speak like you know her personally."

"You're the detective here, Dickie. You think It'd take a relation to know how a mother would feel?"

"She hasn't been a _mother_ for Damian."

"And you think Bruce's gonna be the ideal parent?"

"It's what Damian wants." Dick stubbornly crossed his arms against his chest.

Jason shook his head. "No. It's what _you_ had fed the kid."

Dick stared at him, but before he could come to himself to ask what was that supposed mean, Jason had already taken his leather jacket and left him hanging there. With dozens of questions on his mind. That what was his deal with rich folks and specifically with Bruce? Why was defeating Talia while he knew what she has done to them? Did he actually knew her in person? Just how he came to resent his father in that level?

Dick hasn't shown Jason to Bruce, and his father hadn't come for a visit to his university as far as he knew. There was no way for Bruce to have come to his dorm department and met Jason by accident without Dick noticing. Where Jason picked a bone with Bruce?

Oh, well. What did he know. It wasn't like he knew a _thing_ about the person Jason was in the past. The man never talked about his past. Dick was the one who always made sure that Jason knew about his life, about his family, about the history he had with the circus as a kid, about his friends, his adventures, his dreams, his secrets and his everything. Jason almost knew about his whole life while the things that Dick had learned about the man could be counted with one hand.

Jason never brought his past up and whenever Dick asked about it, he would pry the blue eyed man off, either by kissing him passionately, or starting an argument with him, to let Dick forget the subject momentary. But Jason's past always stood obvious in the air, but shielded in the crate of his heart. He would never open up to Dick, he never let a secret slip from his grips, but Jason's eyes would sell him out. Those green-blue eyes were slits in his shield, and showed the glimpse of his soul to Dick.

That was how Dick was able to read through Jason like that. He saw the pain, the loss, the fear, the horror and the sad stories those eyes hid in their depths. Jason had a rough past, those scars were the evidence of it. Jason claimed that he had gotten in to some pretty violence fights when he was younger, but Dick had a feeling that it was more than that.

He didn't need a degree in criminal justice to notice they way those lines of scar painted Jason's body. They were deeper and more careless than to be of a street fight or stabs. They were disordered, older and definitely not the scars that a stab wound leave on a person's body. Jason had a more tragic past than simply being poor and hot-headed to get in to brutal fights.

What Dick managed to dig from Jason, was that he had lost his parents when he was a kid and lived in foster houses, until he had studied really hard and got a scholarship to GCAU and there he was. Jason had kept his own last name after adaption. He never really spoke about his foster parents and never mentioned their names. Jason guarded that side of his life, like how he closed his true self from everyone.

Everyone, which included Dick too. The man he made love to, crushed him with his arms, kissed him like his lips were the air he breathed, stroked his hair when he thought Dick was sleeping, stared at his eyes like those blues were a puzzle he was trying to solve. Th same man he never trusted with his past.

Dick inhaled a deep breath through the knot in his throat. He hated how Jason made him feel. Somehow, he always manged to make Dick feel guilty, like he had done something wrong, like he was to be blame for the horror that happened to Jason in the past, like making Dick feel like shit made it easier for him, soothed his wounds, poured water to his vengeance's fire, made it better.

Jason kept loving him with his eyes, but hurting him with his words.

Dick gulped through the ball in his throat, which was filled with tears. He hated the things Jason did to him.

Suddenly, his weight was too much for his legs to hold, his muscles went limp and he just wanted to collapse from exhaustion. So he did just that. He pulled his shirt off and went to sleep on the bed with an empty stomach, his appetite was lost anyway.

He tried drifting to sleep, but his mind wouldn't let him rest, it was constantly giving him twisted thoughts. _' Where was Jason? ', ' Why didn't he trust him? ', ' Did he really mean it when he kissed him like that? ', ' Why was he closing himself off? ', ' Who was trying to hide from? ', ' Why was he so angry all the time? '._

Dick laughed silently at the empty room, why wouldn't he? It was truly funny how Jason could swing from one mood to another. One moment he was all for hot and mind blowing sexy times, and one moment he was this shotgun, shooting and hurting them both with wounds that hurt more than an actual bullet. It was funny the way Jason was, so easy to love, too quick to hate.

Just like the pistol he had tattooed on his body. He was elegant, powerful, and smelled of danger and was a picture of beauty and grace, it was easy to be drawn to him. But just like any guns, only one single push was enough to pull the trigger and shoot bullets through the flesh. Jason was complicated and easy like that. He was the pistol that gained your interest, made you curious to go closer to it, but once you did, only one smooth move was required for the metal within to be fired to your heart.

Jason's fingers never seemed to release the trigger for a second. He kept himself ready, prepared to shoot people away from his life any second. He never ceased his hold on the weapon, never let his hands rest, he kept pointing the barrel to people's face and shooting them away from him.

The only reason Dick was able to survive the ammo so far, was because he wore a bulletproof skin called love. But even that skin had its limits and too much bullets would tear it apart. It was already ripping from places. Dick didn't want to think about what would happen if the skin would be torn one day.

* * *

 

A few hours later, Jason came back. Dick was still awake, but he didn't open his eyes to acknowledge the man. The sounds of shuffle came and something dropped on the chair. Jason's jacket presumably. He felt the mattress twisting from the weight it was implied to it. Jason's body came closer and it sent a breeze to Dick's naked chest. He must have come straight from outside there.

"Dickie?" He whispered above him from where Dick's body was facing the ceiling.

When Dick didn't respond, he heard Jason sighing and felt the pressure of soft lips on his hair. Jason stayed like that for a minute, with his lips on Dick's head and just breathed in his hair. Then his lips stared to move lower, he traced feather like kisses all over his face, on his brow, on both of his eyelids, the tip of his nose, under his eyes, down to his cheeks, jaw and chin.

He kissed like he wanted Dick to wake, but his lips were pressing so tender and feather-like, that it gave the impression that he didn't want to wake Dick up. The blue eyed man didn't read too much to it. He also took note that Jason's breath smelled of alcohol, the man probably didn't know what exactly he was doing, but Dick let it slip, because he loved the way Jason was kissing him then. He always liked it, since the first time he messed around with Jason on the rooftop of GCAU department.

Jason moved the trail of his kisses to his neck. He was openly giving him proper wet kisses with bites and pleasant sucks on his skin. Jason's face was cold from where he pressing his face to his neck. He liked the breeze which was combined with a hot mouth and heated kisses. Jason put his hand on Dick's chest and seemed to have picked up the little increase in his heartbeat as he opened his fingers wider and let his hand roam his chest.

Dick couldn't help the gasp that was followed after Jason bite a particular spot on his neck, held the flesh between his teeth and nipped the skin there. It was like he was sucking the blood through his skin, and inhaling the air he breathed from that spot. Dick still had his eyes closed though, didn't dare to open them to see Jason's face and contain himself from giving in to that handsome temptation.

Jason's hand started stroking his abs, feeling his increasing warmth. He felt the man hovering above him, with one knee between Dick's legs as his mouth slide from his Adam's apple to brush his chest, giving tongue kisses all over the skin while swirling his hot tongue on Dick's nipples. The blue eyed man whined lightly when Jason started sucking on the sensitive skin there. Dick felt like his nipples were being drawn out of his skin and that Jason could swallow them in his mouth any moment. Only for Jason to pull back slightly to sooth them with the tip of his tongue.

Dick bite his lips to keep the voices, which were threatening to come out of his throat, inside. Jason's lips trailed lower on his abs. Dick had to squeeze his eyes harder to keep his hands from being tangled in Jason's hair He was pissed at Jason didn't want to just forgive him right away just because the man was giving him apology kisses. It was Jason's way of saying he was sorry. He could practically feel the regret in the hands, which stroked his skin with affection.

Only ever Jason was gentle with him like that, and it was when apology touches and kisses were involved. It was Jason's way of ' _I'll make it up to you'_ Intimacy. Dick let Jason to do whatever he wanted, because it usually would end up with Dick feeling better and lingering for more. But he still wouldn't give Jason the reaction he was seeking. Jason had to earn Dick's attention this time.

Jason hooked his hands under the back of Dick's knees to bend the legs upward, he placed himself between Dick's legs while he barely removed his lips from Dick's skin. Dick had to gulp when anticipation of what was going to happen hit him. He had to fist his hands on the sheets as Jason proceeded to strip him of off his pants and boxers. Dick pushed his hips upward to help him pull the clothes down his legs.

Jason's hands, those warm and big hands, stared to wander his thighs, applying pressure to the muscles near his cock, the same big hands that knew his body better than himself. God, he loved those hands. Jason's lips touched his skin again, licking the burning muscles of his thighs near his groin, teasing him with light bites.

Dick's heart beat stared picking faster, blood rush was being directed toward the places Jason had his mouth on. His body temperature was rising, his hands were itching to feel Jason, his eyes were hungry to see the handsome man's lips moving on his skin, worshiping his body with the focus of his mouth, eating him little by little, sucking the breath out of his lunges bit by bit, drawing blood stream toward his mouth drop by drop.

God, Jason made love just like the way he read Shakespeare quotes to him. It was filled with poetic excitement, sharp concentration and...so much feeling.

That was what Jason did to him, he left him wanting for more, to be seeking further, made him want to test their boundaries, to be a little wild with their desires. Wild and alive. Shit, why was he even pissed at that guy? He loved him, he wanted him, he needed him.

Dick finally opened his eyes to took in the sight of Jason between his legs as his hot breath was getting closer to his cock. Those curvy lips reached the denied member between his legs. Jason's eyes locked with his, blue on blue, the intensity of that stare sent a shiver of arousal to his system. Jason slowly leaned down to press kisses on the tip of his dick, took the head on his mouth and swirled his tongue around it. Dick bite his lips as warm breathes brushed the wet trail of Jason's mouth of his sensitive skin, the hot drools on his cock, which was frozen by the breeze of his breath, sent shivers to his core.

When Jason finally took him fully on his mouth, Dick's head was dropped on the pillow, his lips hurt so bad from how hard he kept biting them, a low whimper came from down his throat, but he swallowed it. He didn't even know why he was stubbornly refusing to let out the noises he so badly wanted to make, he didn't know. He couldn't think exactly think properly then.

Jason momentary left his cock to talk. "No, pretty bird. Let me hear your voice." Followed by his tongue moving on the shaft of his dick. "Come on, Dickie. I wanna hear how much you want it." He gave a hard suck on the head. Dick felt the come being drawn out of his system by Jason's mouth, so he moaned. "That's it. Let it out. let it all out." Dick moaned louder, he was regarded by Jason taking him deeper and deeper, until he could feel the vibration of his throat when Jason hummed in encouragement.

"God, Jay...please." He begged for more and Jason gave him more, he kept sucking harder, faster, merely pulling back for a break and then taking him in again. Dick's hands found their way to Jason's head, fingers tangling in his hair and clutching at it. Jason hummed his approval and that was enough for Dick to tug at them.

His heartbeat was going mad, his body was getting hotter, his skin was burning with heat, his mouth would open and close like an infant, his blood was speeding toward his cock, where Jason was blowing his mind off. Jason mouthed at his balls and that caused Dick to arch his back. He whined, whimpered and cursed through the noises Jason's wet mouth was making on his cock.

God, that mouth. So hot, so wet, it burned his skin. He loved that mouth, he wanted more. He needed Jason.

"Jay, Jay..." He panted his name.

Jason arranged a pace, going up and down, taking him as deep as his tongue allowed, down to his throat and coming up to suck a little harder on his head. Dick was on fire, it felt so good.

"Come on baby...come for me." Jason's hoarse voice reached his ears and Dick groaned louder, because Jesus, that voice was so sexy it sent chills to his body. He wanted to obey that sound, so hot, so deep, so full of commands.

He panted faster, his muscles went tense, his grip on Jason's hair became rigid, and he came. He came as his whole body shuddered, his head arched back and a low whimper escaped his lips. Jason gagged, but took every single drop of his seed that hit the back of his throat. Dick's body went limp, his legs were dropped lifelessly to each side of him, his chest was rising and falling as his body heat was slowly becoming more obvious to him.

Jason crawled up on top of him again, put his forearms on both sides of his shoulder to cage Dick under him. Dick grabbed his waist and leaned up to kiss Jason eagerly. When Jason opened his mouth a little more, he didn't hesitate to push his tongue inside his mouth to taste the bitter come there. He moaned as Jason's tongue met his, his head was dropped back on the pillow as Jason dominated the kiss.

Dick's heart was still beating fast, he was slowly coming back from his orgasm, but his mind could properly think again. Jason, he came back. He always did.

What they had, it hurt. They would argue, shout at each other, treat one another like shit and hurt each other again, mentally and physically. But in the end, they would always come back together, they always did. That was what they were, that was what they did, they hurt each other, but kept coming back for more. Because there was an attraction that was stronger than their arguments, there was a wild feeling that hit them harder than any punches.

They were sick, they hurt each other, they kept hiding themselves from the world, but it was okay. Because in the end, Jason would be there, kissing the sadness away and killing the self-doubts off. What they had was wrong, but it would be alright as long as they came back to each other.

They were the sinners, they were the sick boys, they were the crazy lovers that didn't give a shit about what life had to throw their way, because they had each other's warm embrace, and that was enough. It would be enough, Dick told himself. _'It was enough'_   he repeated.

They parted slightly. "I love you, Jason." Dick said between their lips.

Jason just stared at him, dark turquoise on his blues. "Then show it to me."

Dick wasn't expecting to hear the sentence back, but he was still disappointed. A small part of him hoped that Jason had the same feelings when he would come back to him. What did he know, maybe Jason did, but he never said it back.

Dick wondered how long he was willing to wait for Jason to open up to him, he didn't even want to think about what if he never would.

No, he just wanted to kiss Jason and show him how much he loved him, to touch him and make him feel how much Dick wanted him, because that was all Jason would allow him to have, all he offered in return, and that was enough. Dick would hold on to it.

That was enough...for now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter happened in ONE night! But I kinda had to put this chapter out, because it'd give a better look on their relationship and how everything went down. And I had to make some stuff clear.
> 
> It was long, But I hope you enjoyed it anyway. I promise this would be the last long chapter (But idk, maybe I'd do it when I'm writing their break up, because loads of stuff happens then) 
> 
> For the next chapter, we're gonna have Jason in the present time, going to the Wayne tower to meet Dick and...........yep, that's for the next chapter to find out.
> 
> So, let me know your beautiful thoughts on this chapter. Did you enjoyed this long update? Think I should write more long chapter? Did you like that little drama between Talia and Bruce? Can you tell the difference between their personalities in the past and present? Which part was your favorite one?All the criticized are appreciated too. If I had a mistake, feel free to let me know of it.
> 
> Nervously waiting to read your wonderful thoughts. Thanks for reading! (^v^)  
> (Also, just ignore the second end note, I can't get rid of it)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to the present day. There's some mention of Barbara/Dick here.  
> Tags are updated, because...reasons.  
> Enjoy! :)

Dick sighed as he leaned back to rest his head on the leather office chair. The lush texture was cool against his neck. The chair was rather comfortable, but Dick hardly got to feel its convenient as he was too busy to push back from the pile of paperwork on his desk, which seemed to increase everyday, and take a moment to just lean back against his chair and appreciate the view of Gotham through the glassy wall of his office. That high, it was a scene to catch, especially at nights when the sky was dark and asleep, but the city lurked of life and light.

But it was okay. Dick was the one, who always asked for more work. He was the one, who sought heavy tasks, who wanted to be occupied, be busy, distracted and exhausted. It was better than crying himself to sleep or getting himself crazy with nonstop thoughts about the past. He chose his life, **he** decided to be where he was then. _'He wanted it'_ , He smack the believe in his head.

It was his intention to be sitting in a luxurious office, wearing a lush suit and missing the view, people paid extra money to their hotel reservation to have. Sure, other people were quite influential in the career he pursued, people like Bruce and Barbara, but in the end, it was his decision. **He** was the one who made the final call.

It was what Bruce has wanted him to do since he was mature enough to think about his future. He has been trying to persuade Dick into joining him, to be part of the Wayne enterprises, but Dick knew better. His father was just a paranoid, who wanted to have full control over his children's life. He wanted Dick to work under his supervision, next to his own office, where he could have an eye on Dick and his condition without directly peeking his nose on his life. Bruce was an over protective father. That used to annoy the hell out of Dick.

 

 

_He appreciated the support his father was willing to offer with or without Dick's approval, but he wanted nothing to do with the man and his shadow. He wanted to stand on his own feet, to make his own choices, to chase the future of his own dreams. He had been living with Bruce's money as it was already, he couldn't allow the will of his life to be taken away from him too. Bruce could guarantee a bright future for Dick besides himself, but Dick wanted to built that future himself, with his own efforts, with his own steps, with his own choices._

_So, he chose to be a detective then. Bruce was quite surprised with his decision, but didn't try to talk him into working at the Wayne enterprises anymore. He knew why though. Alfred had told him that Bruce wanted to be a detective as a kid too, but then his parent died and the employees of their organization started robbing the company and leading it to corruption. So, Bruce was left with no choice but to save the company his parent worked so hard to build._ _Bruce abandoned his dream to spend the rest of of his life on trying to save what good was left of his parents. He was amazingly good at what he did, but it didn't mean that he had to like it.  
_

_Dick understood where his father was coming, so he fought whoever said_    _ **'Bruce Wayne is just a lucky bastard, who was born rich.'** .Yeah, he had engaged in some fistful fights with a few of his classmates back in the time when he went to school and then university, because they deserved it and Bruce was so much more than those people gave him credit for. _

_The people, which Dick was included himself too. He wasn't proud of it, but sometimes, even a man as good as Bruce could be a drive on the nerve. In his father's case, it was a ski on the edges of his madness, because he knew how to push the wrong buttons of someone, and he would gladly do it if it meant benefits for him, even to his own son._

 

Dick swirled the chair to finally take in the view before him. Tall buildings, tall buildings and nothing more, even the sky wasn't blue enough. Normally, it wasn't that boring, Gotham could be wild and beautiful, but only when the sun had fallen and darkness has covered the sky. Only then, the city would shine with life. But it wasn't night yet, and Dick barely had time to enjoy the city at its greatest, so what did it matter if it was boring or not then? He was busy and had work to do.

It had been like that since a long time. Ever since Barbara came in the picture. She was the one insisted that Dick should have accepted Bruce's offer and worked in the Wayne enterprises. She didn't like the path he was trying to pursue. So, she would try and find means and motives to convince him not to work with police force.

She was the daughter of commissioner Gordon, a daughter of law, hence why she studied law to be a lawyer. Her whole life was centered in order, justice and principal regulation. Yet, she was against becoming a cop, a detective or anything that concerned working in the GCPD. She would tell him about her father's experience and warn him of the hardship he had to pour in that job. But he was braver than to back off merely because his job called for danger. He had already accepted that part of the job when he enrolled to study criminal justice.

She would joke around and say _"Nobody is paid enough in GCPD. You can't earn a living that way, unless you turned to crime, like the scums you'll arrest."_. Dick would point out that James Gordon hadn't, and she would say, it was because her mother was there to pay the bills when the money James earned sincerely wasn't enough to keep the house running.

It was sorrowful to hear, but true at the same time. The ones who worked for Gotham city police department, weren't paid enough for the services they did for that city. Therefor, most of them had to earn their living through filth and the corruption they fought against.

The rate of living was too high in that city, and it only seemed to increase everyday. Dick, nor anyone who had lived in Gotham, was to judge them if they robbed each other to survive yet another day there. It was a hunger game, everyday in Gotham. They knew the price of living there, but it didn't mean it wasn't wrong.

There were still a lot of people who functioned without committing crime, people like Bruce Wayne and James Gordon. Dick would remind her that despite everything, their parents had a decent lifestyle. She would just give him a pained expression and say _"It doesn't mean that they're okay with how things are."_ Well, of course they wouldn't. Life was tough. If you wanted to live with a light conscious, then it would be even tougher. That was how it was for everyone else.

Dick didn't get the deep meaning of what Barbara was talking about then.

 

 

_Dick and Barbara were childhood friends. Commissioner Gordon was as much a family to them as was Alfred.  
_

_The unfortunate night, where Bruce's parents were murder in front of him, because some self-seeker bastards, who no amount of wealth would satisfy their greed, had arranged a set up in a dark allay, where a couple with their eight year old son would stroll, to strip Thomas and Martha off of their rights toward the Wayne foundations.  
_

_The same said night that they robbed a boy from his parents, orphaned a boy of his family, of his passion, of his dream. But Jim Gordon was there to comfort him, to help him get up and move on, to face a future without his parents by his side._

_That night, Alfred became the guardian Bruce needed, and Gordon became the big brother he never thought he wanted, until then. They helped Bruce to open his eyes to the world before him, and not allow those profiteers to party for their victory._ _So, Bruce stood up to show them that he was still alive and ten times stronger than his deceased parent. Bruce stood and fought day and night to save what was left of his future. Alfred and James were there to support him too._

 _Jim has always been there as far as Dick remembered. He was like a uncle, who would give them a visit on thanksgiving day, or attend their birthdays. He was practically a family friend. That was how he came to know Barbara. He was seven years old when_ _Barbara, the daughter of Commissioner, and that pretty girl with short red hair that always smelled sweet and fruity, came to the manor for the first time.  
_

_Her hair was that beautiful hue of red that Dick used to think she had colored with crayon to look that bright. He would always stare at them when he was playing with her as a kid. He wanted to touch it and see if his hands would stain with red color, but he was afraid that she might have thought of him as a creep, so he would pull her hair, or grab a fistful of it and tug it down instead, and run away in the manor's hall, laughing as she would angrily chase him._

_She didn't seem to pick Dick's interest in her hair, because he always teased her about it, called her an orange head, pulled it and poured water on it, because it smelled so delicious, he just wanted to lick her head like a fruity ice cream. It irritated him that she had such beautiful hair while his was a boring black._

_Barbara would go complaining to Bruce that **"Dick's mean to me!"**   And Alfred would bribe her with cookies while Dick had to sit back and stare as she poked her tongue to him._

_**"That's what happens to mean boys, they get no cookies."**   She would say. Dick would cross his arms and pout, and think that it wasn't his fault that her hair was so pretty. And Barbara would laugh at his pouty face.  
_

 

 

Dick would smile whenever he recalled those memories. Those were good times, almost the best moments he spent with Barbara. It didn't matter that they didn't work as adults, Dick and Babs were good childhood friends and nothing could erase those memories. No heartbreaking separation, no sad beginning, not even the loss of their...their child.

He sighed and massaged his forehead. That was why he would never allowed himself to rest for a bit. He'd stop working for a second and his mind would wander to the past, to the lost memories, and no matter how good those thoughts were, whenever he thought about Barbara, the sweet moments would all lead to grieve and sorrow. That was what her thoughts would do to him, it would start good, but then end in tears.

He needed to go back to work, but before he could even put his hands on the desk, his office phone started ringing. He picked the line that connected him to his reception.

"Ms. Kane."

" _Sir. Sorry to disturb your work, but there's someone who wants to meet with you."_

He didn't remember having an appointment with anyone. "Did you check my schedule?"

_"Yes, sir. There's no date on your schedule for today, but I was informed by Ms. Al Ghul to arrange one."_

"Ms. Al Ghul?" What was Talia doing there? He thought she was going to leave after Damian's birthday. And what right did she think she had, to walk around in their company, arranging dates like that? That was a behavior he only had ever witnessed in Damian, as the kid walked around like he owned the place. Technically, he did, but that didn't explain Talia's behavior. Now, he knew where Damian got his righteous gens from.

" _Yes, sir. It appears, she was going to have a meeting with Mr. Wayne, and she brought this man with herself too."_

"Who's that man?"

" _He's Mr. ..." She held the phone for a second. "Todd. Jason Todd."_

Jason? What was he doing there?

It seemed like he hesitated for too long to answer as his reception called him again. _"Sir? What should I do?"_

"Let him in."

Dick sat straight and pushed a hand over his face to collect his composure together again. Soon, Bette opened his office door to let Jason in. The tall man took a quick glance in the room, just when Bette had closed the door and left, did Jason locked eyes with him.

Jason gave him a amusing smirk and said. "No matter how many times I've imagined this scene, It still managed to look awful. Even more in person."

"If you're refereeing to my attire, I'd have you know that I've heard more compliments in a blazer than I've ever received with a leather jacket."

"Yeah, well. Leather's not everyone's material."

Dick took in Jason's appearance. He was wearing a pair of worn jeans, black leather jacket and a white shirt underneath it, and with that shaggy hair and smirk, he looked so young and so out of place, standing there in his office room like that. He motioned for Jason to take a sit.

"And yes, hello to you too, Dick. I'm actually pretty fine. Thanks for asking by the way." Jason said while he sat on the leather armchair. He sounded impatient and nervous.

Dick offered a smile. "I'm glad to hear that."

"How are you?"

"As alright as I could be. Thank you."

"Good...that's good." Jason licked his lips nervously.

Awkward silent stretched between them. Dick was in a work and professional mode, and his formality seemed to make Jason uncomfortable. God knew Dick wasn't in the mood for faking smiles and happiness at the time. He needed to concentrate on his work before he stared having unnecessary thoughts again.

"Do you need anything to drink?" Dick asked.

"Uh, no. Thanks."

Silence.

Jason started to drum his fingers on his thighs, he kept staring at the calender on his desk, avoiding eye contact with him, occasionally, he would set his jaw to aside. Dick knew it was a nervous habit Jason owned. He just moved his jaw aside to subtly bite the inside of his cheeks. It took quite some times of staring to the man to have picked that nervous movement in the past.

Jason used to lean against the headboard, with Dick's head on his lap while reading Iliad. Every now and then, he would read it out loud for Dick too. But when Jason got to interesting parts, he'd stay quiet, and Dick would stare at him and take in the small twists of his face. _  
_

The little furrows in his brows, the tiny rise in the corner of his lips, the slight movement of his mouth that muttered some quotes to himself. Sometimes, Jason's hand would find its way to Dick's raven hair, and stroke the the thick locks in it, but it didn't distract him enough to let the nervous habit of his slip his eyes.

He finally managed to figure it out, but didn't get the chance to tell Jason himself of his little discovery, and how adorable he thought it was, that Jason was trying to subtle his body language with the aggressive twist of his jaw.

No matter how small or unimportant things were, Dick would notice them about Jason, because he used to spend too much time thinking about the green-blue eyed man, that he would pick them unintentionally.

"What can I do for you, Jason?"

"Uh, nothing. I just...came to give you a visit." There was no trace of the confident tone he wore when he first stepped inside merely minutes ago.

"What's Talia doing here? I though she was due to leave for today."

"She wanted to meet with Bruce."

"There isn't a meeting between Al Ghul and Wayne enterprises as far as I'm concern."

"No, she just wanted to see him before she left the country."

"But, she's just met with Bruce on Damian's birthday."

"I...I don't know, Dick. What's with the interrogation?"

"My secretary told me she just walked in and arranged a meeting for me, without notifying me. Shouldn't I at least be curious?"

" ** _I_** asked her to do that. Jeez, Dick! What's got your panties in a twist?"

"I..." He sighed and leaned back on the leather chair. "I'm sorry. It's just...I get so worked up with my job that I sometimes forget to attend important appointments and stuff, even though my secretary always remind me of them... I just wanted to make sure I wasn't left out if Bruce and Talia were having a business meeting."

Jason's expression softened. "It's okay, but you sure know how to make a guy feel welcomed."

Silence.

"How are you, Jason?"

"Um...I said it. I'm fine."

Dick nodded his head. He was slightly feeling unease. It never used to be that awkward between then before. Not even when they first met after all those years. He didn't know what was causing Jason's awkwardness, but Dick wasn't in the mood to figure out.

"Not that it isn't a pleasant surprise, but...what are you doing here?" Dick finally asked.

Jason gave him a smile. "Blondie secretary told me your lunch break's about a few minutes. You wanna, like, go eat something?... My treat."

Dick just stared at him.

* * *

 

It actually took some convincing for Dick to finally accept Jason's offer and leave his office for a friendly lunch with him. Since Talia gave Jason a lift, he hadn't brought his ride, so they had to drive with Dick's black, A class Mercedes Benz. Jason's voice didn't escape his ears when he muttered. "Show off."

Well, Dick couldn't help it. He had to own a car, because at the odd hours he left his office, there wasn't any buses to give him a ride home, he couldn't afford to be considered of the environment then. Besides, he was Bruce Wayne's son and had quite a salary, he kind of had to show off his wealth in a way to close the press's mouth.

During the drive, Dick was somewhat quiet, but Jason filled in his place with rambling instead. That used to be Dick's thing to do, to open up conversions when everyone else seemed to surround themselves with suffocating silence. He would babble till his company's ice started to melt.

Babs used to say _"Dick, zip it up."_ When she had enough of his talking.

Jason himself was like. _"Shut the fuck up! I can't believe that's the same mouth I like on my cock."  
_

Now Dick had zipped it up, he had shut the fuck up, because he didn't have anything to say anymore. He couldn't be that person to fill the silent anymore.

So, there was no Barbara saying. _"Dick, stop it. You're not funny!"_

Or Jason to say. _"That mouth better be sucking my cock off than my ears."_

Dick didn't bother to find shit to talk about. He had long stopped doing that.

They rode to where Jason had picked, since he was going to pay for the food, he got to chose the place. He argued with Dick to "Never refuse free food." Dick just laughed it off, because really, he didn't know what to say to that.

* * *

* * *

 

They walked up to the restaurant. Dick took note of Jason's height again. He knew the man was always a bit taller than him, but you could never tell if they didn't stood beside each other. He remembered that at one point in his life, Barbara was taller than him too.

 

_When they were both at the fifth grade, Barbara had grown significantly taller than him. Her hair had grown longer too. She used to braid them, which would leave small curls later on her hair.  
_

_She was older than him, but she had missed a year of school, because her father had some missions and they were constantly moving from one city to another. So, she has skipped a year and was then at the same grade with Dick.  
_

_But she had lived up to her age and managed to grow taller than him.  
_

_She would tease him and say. "How's the weather down there, short stack?"_

_And he would respond. "Not as cold as up there, you ladder, coconut tree."_

_But it didn't take long before Dick outgrew her, to the point that she had to stand on her tip toes, and he had to lean down at the same time, so she could just kiss his cheeks.  
_

 

It was a matter of puberty with Babs, but he couldn't say the same thing about Jason. That tattooed man was always tall as far as he remembered. Dick would always remain a short stack for him...

They got their orders, and Jason kept up the conversion again. He talked about his job, about the many fights he had to interfere with in the club, about the many numbers Kyle would throw away daily, about how he had caught Stephanie making out with someone at his office, or the girls who wouldn't climb out of Roy's butt.

"I had to fake being Roy's boyfriend once." Jason said. "There was this girl who wouldn't leave him alone, no matter what. One day, when we went on a grocery shop, she was there too." He chuckled to himself. "Roy practically begged me to play it off with him, so he could ditch the girl once and for all." He gave him a cocky grin. "Well, the good friend I am, I decided to give him a show. I grabbed the cream spray, hugged him from behind and was like _'There you are, babe. I found the cream you love so much'_ and she was like _'I didn't know he liked that stuff, what the fuck?'_ and I was like _'Oh, yeah. Sorry. My boyfriend just loves that flavor when it's on **me**. You know what I'm talking about, right? Like, he's all into covering me and licking me clean and all. You have any idea how many of these sprays I buy daily? He's got quite a appetite.' _ and just like that, she was _'WHAT IN THE GOD MIGHTY FUCKING SHIT are you talking about?'_ and then ran off and never showed up."

Jason made all those funny voices when he was talking for the girl too. Dick couldn't help the laughter that escaped his lips. "I bet you would've gotten an Oscar for your role, too."

Jason gave a simple shrug. "Meh. I got to have a punching bag, and free massage for two weeks. What more could a guy ask for?"

Dick sipped his champagne and hummed in agreement. "I once played it off with Roy, too."

Jason raised a single eyebrow up and took his own glass between his fingers. "Oh. Did you now?"

Dick offered a smirk. "Yeah. We were at prom and Roy had asked two girls to come with him, because as he said, one of them wasn't supposed to come, and he liked both girls. So, he asked them both on the prom, but then they both showed up and he had to drag me to his car as his back up plan. When the girls appeared, he kissed me to shoo them away."

After he said that, Jason started chocking on his drink. "He...what?!?"

Dick mostly ignored his reaction. "You should've seen his face when the girls poured the drinks on his head. He had thought only one of them was gonna bust him again, not both of them." Dick chuckled at the memory. "Good times." Roy used to live up to Oliver's playboy reputation.

Jason cleared his throat. "So, you mean to tell me...Roy made out with you?"

Dick's cheeks flushed a bit. "You're getting away from the point."

Jason gave him a disbelief expression, with his mouth partly open. He didn't say it, but Dick could read it through his eyes. _'Dude! mental images'_ . Dick laughed, and this time, he laughed sincerely from his heart.

Him and Jason never had a problem talking about their exes or classmates.

 

_Jason would say. "That Kara chick was wearing that red short skirt the other day. Boy, have you seen that tiny little stomach?"_

_Dick would say. "I can't take my eyes off of Zatana's legs whenever she walks by. those fishnets really shows off her long legs."_

_"This Garth guy has some abs! I was tempted to drop coffee on him the other day, so he'd take his shirt off."_

_"Kori gives the best tongue kisses."_

_"Rose Wilson's definitely something. How did you get her to walk a single step with you, let alone sleeping with you?"_

_They talked about how they ogled their classmates and laughed it off like two friends. Because it was okay, because in the end, Jason would check out **his** ass whenever he walked by. His tongue was the one Dick liked to suck on his mouth, his abs were the one Jason liked to take his shirt off to lick hungrily.  
_

_If anything, they were at least honest with each other about that aspect of their relationship. They noticed others, but they liked each other better. They saw beautiful guys and girls, but they would always come back for one another._

 

Barbara never liked it whenever he mentioned his exes or even brought their names up. She was quite possessive, she didn't like sharing Dick with anybody, not even the thought of him.

That used to be a turn on for Dick, which would lead to passionate lovemaking nights, but now, the thought made him sick. That how could she leave someone she called her own and hers only, so easily like that. To leave the life she claimed to have always wanted? To leave him just like everybody else did? He didn't even know why he still thought about it. He knew the answer to that.

He was a fucked up loser.

*****

A week later, Jason came to the Wayne tower again with the excuse, that Dick owned him a lunch this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's some notes. 1) Barbara has her own reasons to disagree with Dick working in the GCPD. It will be explained later
> 
> 2) Because of the forceful way Bruce had to leave his own dream aside to save his company (From the grips of corruption and profiteers) He hated Al Ghul's(sometimes) illegal method of making money. That's one of the reasons to why he ended his marriage with Talia (Just thought it'd be better not to judge them one-sided) 
> 
> 3) It's clear that this chapter isn't finished, but the next chapter is long, and it has a drama on it. So I decided to split them.
> 
> I'm working on the future chapters, but it's moving slower than I thought. I'm gonna be super busy for the next month and with the pace it's taking, I might not be able to update soon anymore. But I'll try my best.
> 
> Let me know your wonderful thoughts on this chapter. They're like a speeding pill for my hands to write faster. Honest!  
> if I had a mistake feel free to tell me. All the criticizes are appreciated too.  
> Thank you for reading. (^o^)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. so, this is the only time I could post, because I'm seriously gonna be busy for the next two weeks, but guess what happened? I typed the WHOLE chapter, read through it twice and was ready to post, but then everything went to shit and I had to write it AGAIN...I just....uarg!!!! I wanna smack my head to a wall or something...I swear, it happens all the damn time!  
> But...I typed it for you guys anyway.  
> Enjoy! ;)

 A week later, Jason came to the Wayne tower again, with the excuse that Dick owned him a lunch this time. Dick was more than eager to buy them food. The good mood Jason had left him in, remained its effect for the whole week. Dick was all for being distracted by Jason's potty mouth and the little adventures he had during his week.

He started to go for running again. He had missed the good feeling after a hard workout. Running wasn't anything near the level of 'hard workout', but it would do it for the time being. He hadn't touched a weight for years, it would take some times for his muscles to get used to the pain again. But surprisingly, it was a slow process. His body was familiar with the roughness of exercising, it was what he had been doing since he was born an acrobat, but still, the pace was slow. He guessed it had something to do with stress and the lack of sleep. He hadn't exactly been having a healthy diet, either. They were quite influential elements.

As always, Jason was there to encourage him and give some tips here and there. At first, he used to think it was cute, how he thought Dick needed any advice. He was an athletic once, how much could the knowledge of sports had possibly changed in a few years? But Jason had proved him wrong with the informative information he has offered. It turned out, Dick got quite a lot to catch up.

Jason would always linger for quite some minutes to indulge in a conversation with him, coaxed him to talk more. Dick was trying, he really was. He cracked jokes with Jason more than he even did with his own family now, but no matter how much he tried, he just couldn't be the same talkative guy anymore.

At least, it was a good thing that Jason wasn't bringing Barbara up anymore, he seemed to ask about her every single time they met. It was painful for Dick to feed him lies and beat around the bushes whenever the topic was mentioned.

At first, it took him by surprise that Jason didn't know about their divorce yet, and still asked questions about her, like they were still together. It was probably due to the fact that how quiet the process of their separation took place, with Barbara doing the paperwork.

Bruce could be quite forceful with the press when it was the matter of family, and commissioner Gordon had good friends at the GCPD station. So, it wasn't all that difficult to scare the newspaper from making their divorce a highlight, or writing a fuss about it at the front pages, or publishing anything at all. They made sure that people didn't know more they were willing to share.

Commissioner's friends tried to cover most of the police report, too. It was a principal rule to maintain a case like that in the law system, especially since it was considered a delivered attempt at murder, the murder of their unborn son. But they did their best to erase the evidence of Barbara's incident from public, which was mostly her medical reports and her state afterward.

Their marriage had ended so quiet, and he guessed Jason was too busy, or didn't give a shit, to read the articles that regarded Dick Grayson to know about it. He tried to convince himself that if the latter was true, then he was glad that Jason had moved on from their break up, and had his mind on own life then. He told himself, that it was okay when he thought Jason hadn't even cared to check his name on a single news article for all those years. But a small jealous part of him still had hoped that Jason might have been thinking about him sometimes when he kissed a pretty girl.

False hope though. Jason had moved on. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he still thought of Dick and Barbara as a couple, maybe that made it easier for him to get over Dick and act like there wasn't a history between them, and be the friend that Dick seemed to lack lately.

So, he let Jason slip away with his own assumption of Dick's marriage. Because he was pretty sure, Jason wouldn't be talking to him if he knew the relationship Dick had left him for, was a failure. It would be super awkward sitting at his club while he could feel Jason's dark turquoise eyes on him.

It was nice to finally find someone who didn't know of his failure in life, to talk free without being pitied or judged, without being stared at by the eyes that saw him as a broken man. So, he played it off with Jason. It was merely a matter of time before he figured it out, but for the time being, Dick just wanted to enjoy the company of a piece of his past, a person who saw him as just Dick Grayson, not the man to pity over.

It hurt whenever Jason would innocently ring her up, so he was grateful that he seemed to stop mentioning her. Instead, he tried making Dick to talk more.

"You know, I was thinking about getting a pet." Jason said one day.

"Yeah. That's a good idea. You're a dog person after all." Dick said.

Jason gave him a look. "What makes you think I'm a _dog_ person?"

"Because you're too much of a sass to get along with a cat."

Jason threw his head back and laughed out loud. "Did you just make a pun?"

Dick smiled. "I just stated the reality."

"Well then. Now I know. I want a cat."

"Just to prove a point?"

"No. Because they're these little cute lions, and I'm a sucker for big cats, but...I have shitty neighbors. So, I don't want charges against me if my baby got bored and decided to eat one of them. I can settle for a cat, I guess."

Dick chuckled, because he couldn't imagine Jason, with all his act like such a tough guy, to enjoy the purr of a cat as he stroked behind its ears, or even tolerate the scratches they would leave on his body. Dick had his own share of wounds by Damian's cat, so he would know. But then the picture of Jason, sprawling on his couch, reading pride and prejudice while a cat would make itself comfortable on his chest, came to his mind and made him chuckle to himself some more.

* * *

 

At some point, Jason started pestering him about going to a gym again, to use some dumbbells, barbells, and do bench presses. Dick could always buy those equipments and hire a private bodybuilder for any hour of the day he wanted, because he had the money to afford anyone and anything if he needed heavy workout routines, but he merely chose not to. Because getting into shape has never been his purpose when he started running again. He just wanted to escape the lonely walls of his house, even if it was for a few hours.

But then, he met Jason on the way, and he started encouraging him to aim for higher goals.

He would say. "Now that you're putting your time and energy on it, then do it the way it'd pay off in the end."

Jason was insisting and so tempting. So, Dick teased him. "How about I come to your place then? You said you still keep that little gym of yours."

The answer he got from Jason, wasn't something he expected to hear though. "That's a great idea."

Dick gave a nervous chuckle. He was joking, right? "Seriously?"

Jason shrugged and said. "Yeah. I mean, my equipments are eating dust there. By all means, feel free to come any time you liked."

"Thanks, but I think I'll pass." Dick refused the invitation with a smile to avoid turning things awkward again.

But days passed and Jason still kept on bringing it up. The offer was practically on the table for Dick.

At first, Dick thought, Jason was just being polite, because for God's sake, Dick was his ex. They had an ugly break up, how could he just bear to look at the blue eyed man and ignored the history they shared? To turn a blind eye on the fact that their peace zone could be turned into am awkward vibe if he made that proposal? He had five months to make that offer, but he never even brought his place up, but then suddenly, kept insisting out of nowhere.

That thought made Dick a little unease.

* * *

 

Eventually, Dick gave up and accepted his offer. Jason was just trying to be a friend, he didn't want to look at their break up every time he met Dick. So, the blue eyed man didn't read much to it.

Jason held the mitt drills and guided him to throw punches and kicks. "Left, left, right...left, left, right...dodge." He delivered a jab and Dick moved aside. "Left, left, right...left, left, right...front kick." He held the mitt toward his stomach. Dick threw a kick. "Left,left, right...uppercut...good...duck." He threw a hook over his face and Dick quickly ducked to avoid the hit.

Those moves came easy on him. When Jason told him to land his punches, he didn't try to correct his moves or say _'Bend your knees a bit' , 'Put pressure on your stomach' , 'Tense you legs' , 'Hit harder' , 'Inhale with you nose, exhale with you mouth'_. None of those words came out of Jason's mouth, because to both of their surprises, the strikes came natural on Dick. It was like he had never stopped flexing his legs to deliver a roundhouse kick, or raising his arm to throw jabs. The hardship of his compress workout as an acrobat, and the self-defense lessons at the academy, were printed on his muscle memory.

If he thought going to Jason's place, even for workout, was already a too much step in turning things awkward, then he didn't know what to think when Jason would up and say that they had to spare. Jason wasn't that comfortable with it the past five months. Sure, they talked, but Jason kept his guard up, he maintained his distance with Dick. He was sure they talked and interacted in that month alone, more than the previous five months accumulated. Jason's new fondness of getting closer to him was a bit off, but Dick didn't complain. He was too high from happiness to give a shit. To hell with his paranoia mind. He wouldn't decline a sparring offer, especially since it was from Jason. He had missed the times he used to do that with the green-blue eyed man.

"Don't worry. I'll go easy o you." Jason said as he took his stance.

"I see you're already making excuses for losing." Dick simulated his manner.

Jason snickered from behind the guard in front of his face. "Don't hold back. That's as much a warning as you're gonna get."

Dick gave him a smirk. "Then I'm gonna enjoy kicking your ass."

Jason had a challenging grin on his lips. "Let's see whatcha got, birdie."

Jason made the first move, Dick blocked it and attacked with full force. Jason took the hits and delivered a front leg to create a gap between them, he laughed and launched forward. "That's it! Bring it _on_."

Dick laughed and dodged the punches, which were aimed toward the side of his face. He laughed, because Jason was still such a sucker for a good fight. Soon, legs were swung, punches were raised as they kept sparing, sweating, panting and throwing smart-ass comments here and there. Dick didn't even need to think twice before his body would automatically set itself to a defense and attack mode.

It was good, it was perfect, it was everything he had missed since a long time. The excitement, the rush of adrenalin to his blood, the feeling of his body burning with heat and sweat, the feeling of his throat getting sore due to the harsh breathes he took. It was all the stuff that he had been missing. He almost had forgotten what it felt like, to watch Jason's mischievous grin that screamed of danger, to have his head spinning because of the accumulated blood stream there, to be able to touch those tense muscles, to feel the skin that was on fire without having to fuck. Dick didn't even know how much he missed it until he had another taste again.

It was too good to be true, too soon to happen. What the hell were they doing? Hanging out, laughing, sparring like they were together again, like they were going to tear each others cloths and fuck till they forgot their own names after the spare. Dick almost leaned to kiss him out of habit when they had each other on a grappling lock.

It was too familiar, too wrong, too soon, too good. He had forgotten himself in the presence of Jason, ignored the clues, denied the obvious.

Dick went too close to Jason's personal space and that caught the man off long enough for Dick to perform a low reserved roundhouse kick, and drop Jason flat on his back. Quickly, he put one knee on the defeated man's chest to prevent him from bolting upward. Jason grunted and stayed on the ground.

Dick panted the words out.  "It's cute how you forget, I used to be an athletic...but...I guess you know better now."

Jason gave a breathless chuckle. "You kinda cheated."

Dick moved to sit beside him, put his forearms on his knees and said. "What, did you expected it to be fair? I haven't even done a simple push-up for years, and no offense, but you're a bull. Honestly? You should have seen that coming."

Jason sat up, an amusing grin on his lips. "Where's your sense of sportsmanship, Dickie-bird?"

That nick name. His cheeks warmed up and he had a feeling, it wasn't all because of the spare.

That was the name Jason had chosen for him when he first showed him his tricks with a trapeze line. He remembered Jason saying. _"I knew I've caught myself something good when I started messing around with you, but...didn't know I've pried a bird. And a pretty one for that matter."_ And then he sucked the life out of him, licked the length of cock eagerly and moaned to push Dick into fucking his mouth harder. He used to say seeing Dick up in the air, did things to him. And that nick name was stuck between them like that. But then they had an ugly break up, and the name was never mentioned.

Until then.

No. It wasn't true, it couldn't have possibly been right. The clues, the obvious, they were right before his eyes . The hints he has been excusing with denial.

Dick stared at him. Jason was biting his lips nervously and trying to look anywhere but at him, but he seemed to fail. Dick kept staring, he told himself, It was the adrenalin, the heat, the electricity between their skin, the magnet of those dark turquoise eyes that drew him closer.

He leaned closer and closer, tried to focus on the different hues in Jason's eyes, the faint freckles on his nose that wouldn't have been visible if the man wasn't that pale. He leaned closer to the scar on his upper lip, that he stubbornly claimed to have received when he slipped on the bathroom floor and hit his jaw to the sharp edges of their shower and ripped his lip, the same scar Dick liked to move his tongue along.

He tried to convince himself that it was the lost memories that made him so bold, it was the lonely nights that encouraged him to move closer. The nights, in which he urged for a warmth to hold, for a skin to kiss, for a body to worship. He didn't even need to be loved, he just wanted to love someone, to resurrect the feelings that were dying inside of him, to express affection, to show he was still alive, that his heart wasn't dead.

Jason didn't pull back, he didn't say anything. He just locked his eyes with Dick's. A sea before a sky. If he wasn't busy following that sea, he'd say that Jason was slightly leaning closer, too. Dick gulped.

_it has been so long..._

When he finally closed that inch of distance between their lips, he kept his eyes open, he kept staring at Jason's eyes as his lips brushed his. Those full lips that he loved on him, on his own lips, on every inch of his skin. He pressed another brush of lips and Jason kissed him back. Eyes open, locked together as they moved their lips against each other.

Those delicious lips, they were warm and gentle on Dick's. They were like a magnet, each press of the lips pulled him in for more, urged him to close his eyes and get lost in the feeling of its warmth. He almost did, he pushed for more, because Jason was kissing him back, because Jason's eyes were uncertain, but his lips moved with purpose and confidence. It was too familiar, too good, like their lips had never been parted from each other, like it was just yesterday when they were kissing each other like horny teenagers.

That damn feeling.

He was tempted to push Jason on his back, to straddle his hips and kiss him deeper, to push his tongue to his mouth and taste those sweet, sweet lips.

It was like the breath of temptation, the grin of the devil above their heads, the sin which was sealed by their kiss.

He wanted to give in to Jason, because he needed him, didn't even know how much he missed the man before then. That kiss could turn into everything he wanted, everything he was denied for years. Just a bold move he could feel Jason again. But it would be a temporary bliss, and Dick was so stupid...

The kiss didn't even lasted for ten seconds, but when Dick pulled back, his heart was beating like mad. "You knew." Dick muttered.

Jason was still looking at his lips. "What?" He asked a bit hazily.

Dick leaned back so they could properly look at each other. He was quiet for a minute, then sighed and tried to form the exact words he was going to say at the moment. "You know, when I started to study criminal justice and become a detective, I learned that the crime scene, dead bodies, hair samples and finger prints weren't the only clues I needed to look for. I had to learn how to read a person, to detect any behavior that would appear as suspicious...but I never had difficulties to pass that class. Wanna know why? Because I've learned to read a person long before I was even adopted by Bruce...my parents taught me that. They said that if I wanted my body to move the way my thoughts led them to, then I needed to read what each muscle said, I needed to know how to read a body. So...I wouldn't need a degree in criminal justice to read you, Jason."

He gave Jason a look. "You knew didn't you?" His voice was small, but loud enough for Jason to hear.

Silence.

"How long?... How long you've known, Jason?"

"I..."

"Who told you that? Did **_I_** told you that when I got drunk and woke up to your room?"

The clues, they were right in front of him, but he ignored them. He should have known. Jason popped out of nowhere and suddenly, wanted to hang out with him, he wouldn't mention Barbara even once while he used to bring her up for three minute out of the five minutes, which were spent talking. He should have known when Jason became comfortable enough with him to invite him to his place, to have lunch dates with him while he was supposed to think Dick was a married man.

" _You gotta lift some weights if you wanna charm the ladies."_ Jason said one day.

" _Why would I need to charm anyone?"_ Because he was presumably a married with Barbara then.

" _Uh...isn't that part of your playboy persona?"_

How could he stupidly reasoned the hints Jason dropped.

" _I bet a bear could get lost in your house, because there's no one to clean your mess anymore."_ He reasoned that he meant Barbara wasn't home often.

" _Lonely nights is burning your fats, Dickie."_ He meant since Barbara wasn't there often and was working in another city.

" _Why don't you give us a visit? I know you're free at nights."_ He meant Babs. He meant she wasn't around anymore, that she was star. _'That was what he meant'  
_

He should have known. Why would Jason be so friendly only days after he got drunk at his club? What had he blurted to the man? He didn't remember. He recalled shouting, Barbara, rooftop...Did he shout his sorrows to Jason, did he cry his desperation to him? Has he confessed his miserable divorce with Barbara? The loss of their son?

He was stupid, he was a fool. He had thought about that night, had weighted the possibility that he might have blurted the stuff he wasn't ready for Jason to know yet. But he brushed the idea aside, because Jason returned and there was no trace of change in his attitude toward him. But that was a lie. Of fucking-course it was.

He was a stupid and a miserable man to let the feeling of the moment to blind him, to let the happy mood to fool him, to let the laughter and warm memories consume him. It was too good, that he wanted to believe it could be true.

He denied and ignored the obvious. _'Jason still thought of him as the same Dick'_ He wanted to believe Jason was different, that he didn't pity him, didn't look at him like a broken man, miserable, fucked up, a man to feel sorry about, because that said man had lost his unborn child, because that said man had been living alone for years, even when his wife was merely a step away from him, because he has been denied love more than once.

The guilt was apparent on Jason's eyes, on his glassy silent, he _knew_ , he knew it all along. Dick himself had blurted them to him.

That night when he got drunk, was the anniversary of the death of commissioner Gordon and the death of his unborn son. The only reason to why he went to Jason's club, was that there were some people there, who knew him, and would actually drag his ass home if he lost himself in the feeling of the alcohol. He wasn't counting for Jason to show up to his rescue out of all the people there. Where was Stephanie when he needed her? Roy? Kyle? Even Conner knew him. But instead, it had to be _Jason_. It just had to be the man who would trigger nostalgia, who would remind him of the past he tried to bury underneath the buzz of some chemical.

His throat hurt. The tears, which were gathering in a knot inside his throat, hurt. They were painful, because they were the tears of pity. _He_ pitied himself, because he was such a poor guy that the universe never got tired of being cruel to him.

After all those years, he let his guard down for a night, for a week, for a God-damn month and he got played, he got hurt like that. Because like other people, Jason saw him as a broken man that he could put the pieces together. **_Just like others_**.  Jason saw him vulnerable and decided to fix him.

He wanted to cry for himself, because he was such a miserable person that everyone pitied, wanted to **_help_**.  He trusted Jason, he thought that in the lonely world, where everybody labeled him breakable, Jason was the only thing that had remained the same, who wouldn't try to pry on his life and play him like that. Was that why he kissed him back? Because he saw Dick like a lonely shit to pity over and kiss so he'd feel less like a loser?

As soon as the tears were about to drop on his face, he bolted upward to leave that damn place, to drag his stupid ass away from a man who wasn't worthy of his tears anymore. He was crying for himself, he had no tears to spare for Jason and his fucking past anymore.

His tears were for him and himself only.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean...at least they kissed! That's something to count for, right!...No? Okay.
> 
> My arms, my back, my eyes, everything aches. Please tell me your thoughts on the chapter and make it worth the time. All the comments are great, wonderful and welcomed, even if they're criticizes. I'm in the need of your sweet sweet sweeeet motivations.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is another flashback of their relationship, but this time, it's from Jason's POV.  
> Also a quick note: These flashbacks are the continuation of the previous ones. Now, this is the third flashback, continuation of the last two.  
> Enjoy! :)

Jason would never admit it, not even to himself, but Dick Grayson managed to convince him into visiting the manor. That shit-hole was the last place Jason wanted to go for as long as he breathed. The short time he spent as a poor orphan kid there, only to be kicked out because he was an unwanted child, and Bruce fucking Wayne excused himself with _'Paperwork'_ , triggered bad memories enough to boil his blood with anger. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he actually stepped a foot there and saw Bruce, or was recognized by their butler as the same arrogant kid they had picked up from the streets, and fed him lies with the dream that they were going to adopt him, only to leave him to the grips of the wolves out there.

Such a fool he was, and such a self-righteous bastard Bruce was.

He wanted nothing to do about him or his mansion. But then he screwed around with his oldest son and before he knew it, he found himself into deep shit, because that fucking perfect Dick Grayson was too much to resist, especially after he had a taste of a great thing like that.

He tried to convince himself that _'It was just one time, just once'_ as he kissed the fuck out of him. But then Dick showed his ass in his life again and Jason kept repeating that _' Just one time'_ scenario in his head as he was thrusting harder to that gorgeous body. Eventually he gave up and made up a new excuse for his actions. _'We're just screwing. It's got nothing to do with his Dad'_.

It was a good thing that Dick wanted to hide their relationship from his family and the public. The blue eyed man said something about the media publishing a rumor about him and Bruce being gay and sexually involved with each other the early years of his adoption. They both denied the accusation and declared they weren't into men. Bruce made sure to charge the journalist, who was to blame, too. But unfortunately for Dickie, he was a kid back then and still hadn't figured his sexuality out yet, so ever since that incident, he had to conceal part of his preferences.

When he saw Jason on the campus, he wouldn't approach him, he hadn't suggested going on a date or even told his friends about Jason. The only people, who knew they were messing around, were Roy and Wally, and they were their roommates, of course they'd know. Dick wanted to hide their relationship, and Jason didn't argue or complained even once, he wasn't keen on being seen holding hands with a rich brat anyway.

So, everything was going as good as it could get. He got a guy, who was hot enough to be a supermodel, to sleep with, and he never had to worry about the awkwardness of a date anymore. He would keep passing his semesters and when they got their degrees, they were going to go on their own separate ways. They couldn't even label themselves boyfriends, because what they had, was more like a friends with benefit thing. So, there wasn't going to be any hard feelings or attachments when they would up and leave for their lives.

Everything was cool, till one day, Dick insisted they should visit the manor. Jason argued that nobody was supposed to know about them, not even his family. So what was the point of going there together.

Dick would reason. "I just wanna show you to them. And besides, we'll have more alone times there. The manor's far, _far_ away from the city. And it's quite big. I'm sure we'll find plenty of rooms to ourselves there."

It was a tempting offer to screw Bruce's precious son in each surface of his shit house, but no. He just refused to go there. Dick kept talking about the gym he had charmed Bruce into manufacturing for him, and how he wanted to show Jason the tricks his parents taught him as an acrobat. The idea of Dick in a spandex was tempting, too, but none of those things were quite as persuasive as the blow job he gave Jason.

Dick was pestering him to visit the manor again. He knew why though, Dick just wanted to show off his little brothers to him. So Jason refused and that caused the man to pout. "You're acting like a kid." Jason said.

Dick only grinned as his pretty eyes sparkled with mischief. "Then let me suck that delicious Popsicle of yours like a  _kid_ ." That was the stupidest and the hottest thing he has ever heard from anyone, but to add spices to the matters, Dick licked his lips suggestingly.

Oh God. He knew it, he fucking knew it even before Dick went on his knees with that knowing smile, that he was going to do whatever the hell birdie asked afterward. He was so screwed.

Maybe it was just Dick. That fucking perfect man knew how to screw Jason. He literally blew every single brain cell on Jason's head as he eagerly sucked the comes out of his system like a vacuum. He kept moaning, humming and living up to his promise as he swirled that damn skilled tongue around his cock and licked him like a Popsicle. Those lips, they did things to Jason that he didn't even know he had it in him to enjoy. God, what was worst, was that it was only **one** of the many things that Dick did to him.

So, yeah. Even admitting to himself was painful that Jason was convinced by Dick fucking Grayson to go to the place he kept resenting for a major part of his life. It hurt, because he wasn't _convinced._ He was **seduced** into giving up, he surrounded himself to the temptation of those hot lips, and all the doubts, all the hates were emptied from his system along with his come.

And just like that, he was persuaded to visit the manor.

* * *

 

To his relief, Bruce was still at the Wayne tower, and their butler didn't seem to recognize him as the small boy, Bruce had brought to the manor eight years ago. He had changed significantly. Jason wouldn't be able to identify himself if he saw his young self there, either. Eight years was a long time, and loads of shit would happen during that time.

He wouldn't worry about the brat, either. When Talia had taken Jason under her wings, Damian wasn't still in the picture, and when he was born, he merely got to live with them until he was three before he was snatched by his grandfather, the one and only Ra's Al Ghul. Because that old junk was a sick paranoid, who was desperately looking for a male heir, and when he heard of Damian, he demanded the kid to be raised by his ancient attitude, his bullshit standards and under his supervision. Talia had no choice, but to leave.

After her divorce from the Wayne guy, her state as the only female heir to the Al Ghul legacy got notorious. Because Ra's didn't have a son, he had taught his daughters to be raised with perfection, he made sure Talia didn't lack any attribution and had all the finest of a qualified leader. She was manlier than most of the pussies Jason knew in the Al Ghul house. But that family worked with ancient traditions, and their stupid ego preferred a man over a woman.

So, only after Talia married Bruce, was she accepted as the rightful successor. But then the said man would leave her, and the little respect she managed to earn, was gone again. When a woman was abandoned by a man, that woman must have been unworthy and unqualified. That was what they said, and Jason beat the shit out of all of them, but those old beliefs couldn't just be smacked out of them.

Jason wasn't there when Damian grew up, and the brat couldn't have possibly remembered those three years, right? So, he was safe from the kid running around calling him Todd in the manor, only to be questioned by Bruce and everything turning to shit.

He only introduced himself as Jason and gave each of them a look to dare and ask his last name, but nothing came and Damian was more jealous with his golden brother's new company to even care to stay and talk to him.

Jason couldn't help, but to notice how much the brat has grown since the four years he was gone. He was mostly growing to look more like Bruce than anything, but he had Talia's eyebrows and eyes. They were totally hers, just as sharp and green as hers. How could that billionaire look at his son and not see the woman he left so cruelly behind?

Dick had taken him to their so called gym in the manor, and when he came with that, oh so **tight** spandex which was practically his second skin, and jumped up in the air with the trapeze, Jason felt his jeans were getting a little painful for his groin. Because **holy shit** , that was a fucking bird dancing with grace in the air.

Those hands, which were holding his not _at all_   light body so easily. Those legs, which were bent backwards till his toes was touching his head. Were those hands the same ones that liked to tug at Jason's hair? Were those the same legs he liked to stretch wider each time they made love?

Dick was fucking beautiful like that. He was this pretty bird and Jason was the wild cat, licking his lips at the sight of him. Never in his whole life would Jason have ever imagined that a sight like that would turn him on so hard. Again, another one of the many things Dick did to him, so he gave his pretty-bird the blow job of his life.

* * *

 

They kept visiting the manor, but Jason always made sure to only be present when Bruce wasn't there. He wasn't quite ready to face the older man, he didn't even know what reaction he would have if he did. But the good hours he spent with Dick there would be worth the confrontation.

They would sneak up to the rooftop, take in the view of Gotham and make out till even the open area didn't have enough oxygen for them to breathe. They would go to the big gym in the manor and spare. Dick had proved himself to be a decent opponent, but he guessed his acrobat moves helped the man, too.

Jason hit strong and Dick blocked fast. The blue eyed man's movements were as limber as a dancer, he would play around and even the dirty fighting style Jason learned in the allays of Gotham, or the kickboxing lessons Talia forced him to take to burn some of his stream, weren't enough to compete with the game Dick Grayson had up his sleeves.

He'd show off some of his circus moves and leave Jason flat on his back, panting heavily. Dick would straddle his hips and grin up to him. "Now, where's my prize, you sexy defeated boy?"

Jason wouldn't hesitate to bring himself on his forearms to kiss him. No matter who won, they would be too high on adrenalin and too hot from sweating and panting that in the end, they would engage in questionable sexual encounters. Sometimes, they never even got to start before they were making out and trying to reach their release.

What they had, it was good. It was hidden, rushed, sinful and without a future. They were in the air, at the moment. That sure was going to pay off bad, but they were too lost to care. They fought, argued, hurt each other and didn't show their ass around each other for a while, till they had enough and would come back for more.

Jason even reached the point, where he felt like he'd die if he didn't get to touch Dick's body. Another shit that the blue eyed man did to him, he kept himself close, too close to Jason that he felt naked when Dick wasn't around, like there was a weight on his chest, or his arm, or his neck that was supposed to be there, but was missing from there. Jason tried replacing that empty weight with other people, but none of them would be enough. Only when Jason had Dick in his embrace, only when he crushed the man in his arms and breathed in that intoxicating sense, did Jason felt the void being filled again. He held Dick tight against himself and the pretty-bird felt like a missing puzzle, which would complete Jason, that would match his embrace and arms.

He hated how Dick made him feel so despaired like that. So, it wouldn't take long before he snapped and Dick fought back.

"You're a piece of ass I hit when I'm bored." Jason would shout.

"You're a piece of trash who's not even worth kissing my boots." Dick would shout back.

They hurt each other like that and came back for more. They would kiss each other like hungry men, tear their cloths to feel the burning skin like thirsty men, and fuck till they were dropped lifelessly against each other. Jason would stare at the panting beauty underneath him, and he couldn't get over the fact that why such a gorgeous creature would want to even talk to someone like Jason. He was so _good_ that it made Jason unease, and when he felt unease, he would be an asshole.

"I wonder what Damian would say when he sees you like this. You wouldn't be so admirable now, would you?" He said with a sneer.

"What the fuck, Jason! Don't bring the kid up when we're like this!" Dick frowned at him.

"Like what? You mean while your eyes rolls back to your skull when you come, or when you keep begging me like a whore to go a little rougher?"

Jason was a jerk, he knew it, so he saw the punch coming. But he didn't want the good feeling to be knocked out of him juts yet, so before Dick's fist could land on his face, he pinned the older man's writs above his head with one hand, and brought his Dick's chin up to meet his lips with the other. Coaxing birdie's soft and swallowed lips with gentle brushes, and kissing him as slow as he could. That was as much an apology as he could afford. Dick eventually bought into his bribe and kissed him back.

There was nothing filthy or even sexy about that moment. No tongue exchanging, no saliva wetting their chins, it was merely their lips fitting together and moving mildly against each other. And just like that, he was forgiven. Dick was going to play it hard for him for a while, but he has forgiven Jason. It was apparent in the contentment sigh Dick exhaled to his face as Jason nipped his lips between his teeth.

* * *

 

They kept going to the manor, because why the fuck not? It was becoming their regular spot.

He has met with Bruce, too, but like Alfred, the man didn't recognized him, either. Jason didn't even care anymore, it just meant that he could keep screwing with his golden boy. It was a wonder how none of them were able to caught Dickie and him, yet.

Damian would avoid him if he could help it, Alfred wouldn't bother them except for bringing a tray of tea and some snacks, Bruce wasn't home ninety percent of the times, which left Dick's middle brother, Timothy fucking Drake.

The kid was a drive on the nerve, he was too smart and too nosy. The amount of questions Tim asked, was more than a seven year old would. Even Damian wasn't that curious and he **was** actually seven, but that brat was a whole new story. Damian had turned into a little shit when he was with Ra's. With the way they treated Damian like a prince, that was of no wonder, but he mostly left Jason alone. Unfortunately, he couldn't say the same thing about Tim.

The kid followed him and Dick around and made those smart-ass comments and stupid questions, like. "Is tomato actually a fruit or vegetable? I mean, they're both the same thing!"

Or like. "Do you believe in Aliens? I think my friend's a half Alien."

And the questions kept coming. "I've never had a nose bleed. Have you ever had that? How does it feels?"

And coming. "What's a bird who can read?Uh..no? It's **pen** guin! Duh!"

And getting on his nerve. "You know What I hate the most? Allium Sativum. You know why I feel comfortable telling you this? Because you got no clue what that is, do you?" And laughed at his own joke.

That was the last straw, Jason thought as he picked his phone and searched that Allium shit on internet, because they weren't living in caves and he wanted to prove Tim wasn't as smart as he pretended to be. Turned out, Tim actually hated _garlic_ , which just made things more interesting as they had some garlic bread for lunch at the manor. He purposely sat next to Timboy at the table, ate as much bread as he could, which caused Tim to give him weird disgusted looks and tried to distance himself from Jason.

' _It's time for some old Jason Todd payment.'_

"Yo, Timmy. There's something on your face." Jason said as he leaned closer to him and huffed and blew garlic breath to his face.

"Urgh! Fuck! __." He swore and turned away coughing.

"Tim, that's not the language we use." Dick reprimanded him.

Tim just ignored him. "My nose! Oh my God, it's burning! I can't breath."

Dick hided his snort behind faking coughs. Damian just rolled his eyes. "You're not dying, you moron. It's just garlic. It will not suffocate you." Amusement was apparent on his childish voice.

"Easy for you to say. I know for a fact,  _you're_   mouth doesn't taste gross." Tim snapped. Jason and Dick openly snickered this time. When Tim realized the statement he just made to his little brother, his eyes got wide in genuine horror. "Jesus, you guys are a perv."

That caused them to laugh out loud this time. Damian, the innocent kid he was, didn't get the hidden joke and simply said. "What does that have to do with the circumstances? You're not even allergic to garlic."

Tim pushed his chair to stand up. "That's it. I'm out of here."

Jason controlled his laughter long enough to shout after him. "The history won't forget your little goofy mistake here."

"Dick! I swear to God, if Jason doesn't shut up, I'm gonna throw up at your room." Tim's threatening shout reached their ears.

"Aw, come on, Jay. Don't be mean to my little bro." Dick managed to say between his own laughter.

Damian obviously didn't get the dirty joke, but it seemed like seeing Tim annoyed to hell was amusing to him as he sent Jason a grin. If it was any kid, he'd give them a high five, but since he wasn't just any kids, Jason manged for a knowing grin of his own. He got the hang of how to make friends with Damian. He was going to make sure to use it if Tim kept pestering them again.

* * *

 

Days passed, and they made it their goal to christen every single room in that manor.

He pushed Dick violently against the door and started mouthing his neck, kissing his shoulder blade up to his chin to meet his lips again. He aggressively bite his bottom lip, which earned him a light sweet moan from his lover. Jesus, the things he did to hear that sound all the times.

He moved his lips from Dick's perfect jawline to his ears as he proceeded to unbutton his shirt. He licked his lover's earlobe and gently bite the soft flesh there. Dick's other hand, which wasn't tangled on his hair, reached between them to twist the door-lock. The door opened and they were both pushed inside by the gravity and their backrest being emptied abruptly by their weights.

They laughed and kept kissing each other. Jason was guided backwards, till the back of his knees hit something, and he was sat on the comfortable armchair. Dick was quick to follow suits and sat on his lap with his legs on either side of his hips, and put his lips on Jason's again. It was actually harder than said, Dick had long legs, Jason wasn't one to complain, but they were on an armchair, not a bed. So, Jason sat a little closer to the edges to leave more room for Dick's legs.

Dick used that opportunity to hold his lover's face in place with his hands and deepened the kiss, humming along sucking his Jason's wet and hot tongue. Jason pulled Dick's shirt out of his pants to run his hands on his back, trailing his fingers along his spine and feeling the shivers running down there. Dick started grinding his hips, encouraging Jason to continue. Jason breathed a hum and pulled him closer by that gorgeous ass, till their cocks were touching on the layer of cloths between their skins. That caused them both to groan.

Just as Dick's fingers were getting smart, the sound of the manor's ring bell echoed through the halls. Dick's fingers stopped on his belt, he pulled back with a whimper and little breathlessly said. "Damn it. I forgot she was coming today."

That caught Jason's attention. "Who?"

Dick pulled away from his lap and stood. "Oh, you know, Barbara." He started brushing his hair with his hand, fixing his cloths and walked out of the room. "You coming?" He turned to ask before leaving.

Jason nodded and reluctantly stood. Dick left prior to him. Huh, of course he would, his sweet Barbara had come, he'd go _**running**_ after her. Just as he was following Dick out, he took notice of the room. They were in a library. Jason knew he smelled something familiar, it was the sense of books and the world of imagination. It sucked that he had to leave it to meet Dick's guest instead.

When he got to the stairs, Dick practically flew the remained stairs to get to her sooner. The blue eyed man threw his arms wide and gave her the warmest welcome hug of her life. It made Jason wanna puke, because Dick was such a baby, it was like a six year old was jumping to his mother's embrace and not a grown up dude crushing his ex girlfriend that tight.

Yeah, he wanted to throw up at how eager Dick was to meet that pretty little girlfriend of his while he _knew_ Jason was at his trail and watching the scene with his arms crossed.

It started out easy, they said how much they've missed each other, how were Bruce and Jim doing, to openly flirting and smirking knowingly at one another. That corny show continued until she noticed him glaring at them from the stairs. At least she had the decently to get her shit together and approach him.

"Dick, where are your manners? You weren't this rude before." She said. "Don't you want to introduce me to your friend?"

Dick brushed a hand over his hair and said. "Uh...this is Jason, he's uh...my friend."

Jason wanted to roll his eyes at how awkward he said those words.

"Barbara. I know it's a pretty old fashioned name, but you can call me Babs if you like." She offered a hand and Jason shook it without a second thought.

He already knew her. Barbara Gordon, daughter of commissioner Gordon, the pretty red haired girl, who was rumored to be Dick's on and off relationship, even though they were actually high school exes. But with the way they kept flirting with each other, acting so clingy and spending all the damn time together, it was of no wonder people saw them as a couple. If he was honest with himself, they actually fitted well together, but Jason was a liar, at least to himself.

For the rest of the day, he had to watch those two lovebirds, chatting and chuckling every five minute as they made those eyes at each other. Attraction was consuming them. They had a playful spirit, they kept teasing each other and laughing about it. They fucking saw each other almost **_everyday_** , but they still had shit to talk about, to tell one another.

They've known each other for almost their whole lives, but they still could make each other laugh. He was sure Dick had kissed her cheeks more than twice during those hours. It was merely teasing, they were playful, but Jason couldn't help to think that...it could have been them.

Dick and Jason. They could have that. They could have gone out on dates like an actual couple, held hands and kissed each other lovingly on the foreheads. **They** could be people's favorite couple, they could be beautiful like that, too. Except, there was nothing beautiful about anything they had.

Jason knew Dick would eventually leave him for that red haired girl though, he couldn't put up with Jason's shit for long, he'd reach his last straw and snap. And that was where Barbara's embrace would be waiting for him, warm and welcoming. Jason fucking knew that, but he still couldn't do anything about his feelings. He was falling for the blue eyed man, and he was falling **_hard_**.

He knew that shit would ruin him in the end, so he tried hurting Dick, distancing himself, he shut him out whenever birdie said _'I love you'_ , he escaped from responding to Dick's sweet words by occupying his mouth on his lover's body. He was a coward, but too much of a jerk to try and do better. He was an asshole. That was how he was _'Take it, or leave it'_ that was what Jason shoved to Dick's face whenever they fought.

"You're a fucking paranoid, Jason." Dick would shout.

"At least I don't have to kiss my Dad's rich ass to do what I want." Jason would shout back.

"You're an asshole." Dick would rub that to his face.

"You're no angel, Dick. At least I know I'm an asshole."

Dick kept reviling and Jason kept justifying himself. He was letting his anger to control his mouth and shoot venom toward Dick, which caused the blue eyed man to gradually distance himself from Jason. Dick was taking some steps backward from him, and Jason would follow those footprints forward to get closer.

He hated how Dick made him feel, he wasn't complicated, Jason was okay with complication, he grew up to know difficulty, but it was just his luck, Dick had to be easy. Too easy that Jason didn't know how to deal with it.

Dick generously shared love and affection, he kissed Jason like he was the best thing that had happened to him. He never feared to let Jason know how much he loved him. But where Jason came from, people rarely expressed love and when they did, they only showed it because they wanted something from him. Nobody ever kissed him without taking his cloths off and sleeping with him. No one was ever that open with their feelings with Jason.

Dick  was easy, and that peace scared the shit out of Jason. He never felt so vulnerable as the times he would catch Dick staring at him while he read a book, with those pretty eyes, like Jason was the best guy in the world. It was such a simple act, he was just fucking looking at him, but he left Jason unease, like he needed to do something, but wasn't sure what.

"Quit looking at me like a weirdo."

And Dick would just give him that perfect smile. If there was something beautiful about anything they had, it was Dick, the man he was falling head over hills for. That just made him fear the day he actually chose Barbara over Jason, to fear the day he had to face him about his past, to let him know he was the little boy who was supposed to be his brother, but his father was too late and Jason was killed by the crazy world out there.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That damn feeling, where you're with someone, when you love them, but deep inside, you KNOW they won't stay, but you still keep falling for them. That feeling..it's so damn real, and I'm not just talking about myself. This whole story was inspired by a real life experience, not mine though. It was actually my older sister's, and I combined it with the DC universe, because I just LOVE DC so damn much. I was planning to reveal that in the last chapter, but I thought maybe it's help to have a better understanding of the character's feelings if you know it's actually been inspired by real life events. I'll tell her story, possibly in the last chapter.
> 
> Also, I just wanted to note that I love Tim and he's one of my favorite characters in DC, if he sounded annoying, it was because of Jason's exaggerate opinion about him back then. I know, you guys are probably confused over the last line, but remember, I told you guys Jason had a history with certain people in the past, so stay tuned for the part, because currently, I'm writing that part . Your thoughts worth thousand crates of gold to me, they keep me writing when I feel like giving up. Let me know them, even if they are criticizes.  
> Thanks for reading. :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter takes place right after the kiss in the present time.  
> It has a panic/freak-out of some sort. If it triggers anything for anyone, just skip the first part.

Jason wanted to puke. His stomach was twisting, it was like someone was stabbing his body from the inside and any moment, his skin would be ripped apart and a sharp knife would be seen through his abdomen. His head was spinning, beads of sweat were forming on his hair and dropping on his forehead.

The adrenaline of sparring and working his body up, the excitement of the kiss and then those tears. Those were pearls from Dick's eyes. Those venomous words. It was all too much, it was all too suffocating for him to endure at once. His heart was beating like mad, his own ears were picking the drums of it, his heart was coming up to his throat, up to his mouth. His body felt cold, the beads of sweats made him shiver.

And suddenly, his lifeless muscles gained enough strength to move him to the bathroom to hurl his whole stomach up. He vomited and kept vomiting until it felt like he was puking blood. After a few seconds, there was almost nothing coming up to his throat, it was just drool, but his body kept gagging. He didn't have the chance to breath, thought he might pass out due to lack of oxygen and hydration. He worked up quite a sweat and with vomiting afterward, he didn't think there was a single drop of water left in his system anymore.

When the gagging stopped, he was panting hard, fighting to draw as much air as he could to his burning lunges. His hands were trembling and his skin looked paler than usual, they almost looked yellow. His mouth felt dry due to the harsh breathes he took, and didn't have any mouth water left to wet his lips anymore.

He pushed himself up to get to the sink and let the pressure of water run on his mouth, washing the bitter taste on his tongue. On one hand, his head felt lighter, his stomach was better after emptying it, but on the other hand, his whole body was shivering, and his vision was seeing black.

He...he was sure there was a chocolate bar somewhere in the pocket of his jacket. Stephanie had given him that the other day. He felt gross even thinking about eating anything at the moment, but his blood sugar was clearly low, and if he didn't feed some sugar to his system soon, then he'd pass out for sure.

He reached his cloths and found the said chocolate bar, unwrapped it with shaking fingers and took a bite out of it, chewed it with trembling teeth. He knew it though, the shake in his jaw wasn't because of low blood pressure alone. He was crying as far as the wet trails on his face went. God, he was crying, because Dick...

Jason was crying because _he_   made those drops of pearls on Dick's eyes, because he hurt the man he loved, again. Because no matter how long it'd pass, no matter how much he'd change, he would still keep hurting Dick, because he was Jason and no matter how bad he wanted to be _good ,_ he would always end up making Dick cry.

It was all his fault. _"Just remember Jason. **You** brought this shit to yourself. **you** did it. If we came to be like this, just know that it was all **your** damn fault." _ Dick's words from five years ago, kept repeating themselves on his mind. He was right, Dick was right.

Jason fell on his ass, hid his head between his knees and cried, sobbed for the jerk he was. Cried because it was his fault, _again_. Five years couldn't make things better and he thought five _months_ could? He cried because he wasn't allowed to be good, he didn't _know_   how to be good. He fucked up, he **was** fucked up. He had no tears to drop, his body was drained, he was just sobbing to his own loneliness, to his luck, to his being, to himself.

God, what was wrong with him? He just wanted to help Dick, to make sure he was alright, he was going to wait till the blue eyed man felt comfortable enough with him to talk about his divorce, about his wife, his son. He just wanted to see that smile again, to hear that laughter one more time. Was it too much? Did he dared to crave more than the universe was willing to let him have?

Dick was too much for him, he always knew he shouldn't have wanted him permanently, because that perfection belonged to a better person, because his pretty-bird deserved more. He fucking had that feeling from the begging. But he was a fool, he was blinded by those blues, he fell for the trap those smiles were setting up for him. He longed for more when those melodious lips kissed his own.

' _He's sorry'_ he wanted to shout. He was sorry, he wanted Dick to know that, but he just fucking sat there like a statue when the blue eyed man upped and left. He should have apologized, should have explained himself. It wasn't like that, he just wanted to help Dick. He was sorry. God, he was sorry__.

"JASON!" The sudden splash of cold water to his face brought him back to reality. His vision came to focus. Roy, he was kneeling before Jason, looking terrified. Jason must have been too damn lost in his own thoughts to notice the ginger entering.

"Jay, what the fuck dude!" Roy growled to his face.

Jason tried to answer, but his throat was too sore from sobbing. He tried to talk, but just some dry noises came out of his mouth. He reached for the glass of water in Roy's hand, but the ginger held it back. "Don't drink that shit. It's freezing water, it'll just worsen your throat." He tugged at Jason's arm. "Come on, Jaybird. Let's get you washed up."

 

* * *

 

After Roy forced a long line of toothpaste to his mouth to brash his teeth, he made Jason a juice out of boiling water, cinnamon, sugar and ginger, he argued it was a home remedy for low blood pressure. Jason would have given him a weird look any day, but he just didn't feel like it then. He drank the juice with extra warm water to prevent hydration. Roy's magic juice actually worked. He felt _much_   better.

He was confident he could manage a shower without falling on his ass again. Roy insisted he wanted to join him to make sure he wasn't going to have another episode of crying like he had lost his mother again. Jason just pushed his concerned face off and locked the bathroom door. He tried to take a cold shower, the chill made him more conscious and seemed to wake his body.

When he came out of the shower, Roy quickly wrapped him around a blanket, handed him a mug of echium tea and sat him on his bed. He took a sip and _holy shit_ , it was just like how he liked his echium teas, with a teaspoon of honey and a cinnamon wood. God bless Roy, Jason was already feeling much calmer then.

He took a few more sips in silent before Roy decided to finally break it. "So, aren't you gonna start talking?"

He should have known that was coming. Roy wasn't going to let go of it. "What's there to talk about? You saw the whole thing."

"No. I saw the end of it. I saw you breaking."

"Don't make it bigger than it is." If someone else had told him that sentence, they would have had a broken jaw by then. But it was Roy, and it was okay for him, just for him, because he had seen Jason breaking and taking his pieces back together. _He_   had been the one who helped Jason to stay where he was then. So he'd take whatever shit the ginger head would throw at him, and not complain a word.

"What happened, Jaybird?" Roy asked gently, like he was talking to a kid.

Jason stared at the mug in his hands and stayed quiet. He didn't even know what to say, because seriously, nothing had happened. Jason was too high on various emotions at once that he made a drama out of the whole situation. He wasn't sure if he actually cried that much. It was probably due to his lack of focus that got him delusional. Because really, it wasn't a panic attack. Roy should have stopped his mother hen act.

"Come on. Talk to me bro. I haven't seen you like that since...well, since a long time."

 

_Since a long time, meant when Jason had found a wedding party invitation on Roy's drawer. The wedding card of Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon._

_He remembered staring at the neat handwriting of their names and the word **wedding**   while his eyes were becoming out of focus and card was shaking in his hands. He hadn't noticed zoning out on the invitation that much, until Roy found him and held his trembling body in his arms, and Jason broke._

_He cried and cried on Roy's shoulders till he had no more tears to spare and was just a lifeless body, wailing voices to the empty room. "It's over, Roy...It's over...It's all my fault...it's all my fault."  
_

_He wept like Dick was dead, but Roy didn't say shit like_ 'Don't cry', 'He's not coming back', 'Get yourself together', 'Man up, Jason. Since when were you this pathetic?' _He could practically hear Roy's voice in the depth of his thoughts, they were true and on the tip of his tongue, Jason could feel it. But he was more than grateful when the red haired man didn't voice those words out, because Jason **needed** to cry, he **needed** to shout his pain._

_He knew Dick wasn't coming back, he knew it was over, but he has been too focused on trying to get his shit together that he let the pain in his chest to accumulate in himself. But it was too much, it teared him apart, it broke him down in the end.  
_

_So Roy let him cry his sadness away, Jason let them all out. Roy crushed him in his arms and mourned in silent with Jason. He made a promise to his friend that night, that he'd move on. It felt like lying, because he thought he could never be over Dick, but he promised himself to at least try._

 

And he had been doing great, till that day when he broke down again.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Don't apologized for shits that aren't your fault."

He brought the mug closer to his face, let the hot stream to warm his face. Even the smell of that tea was comforting to his system. "But it **_is_** my fault."

"Who the hell had led you to believe that?"

" _If we came to be like this, just know that it was all your damn fault."  
_

"The voice of reason." Jason said.

"Yeah? Well, tell that voice of reason of yours to suck my dick."

"I don't think it works that way."

Roy sighed. "Jaybird, why are you doing this to yourself?" Jason gave him a pointed look. "I _told_ you not to get involved with that shit. I _told_   you to leave Dick alone, I __."

"What do you want me to say, Roy?" He snapped. "You want me to admit I fucked up? You want me to repeat how sorry I am? You want me to admit you were right? Fine. You were fucking right __."

"Jason! This damn thing is bigger than _me_   or _you_ . We're talking about a man's life state! I saw Dick leaving the club with tears and I come up here and see you **_wrecked_** like that, and you still have the fucking nerve to turn this shit on me? I was dying worrying about you."

"And I appreciate your concern. There, happy now?" Jason was being a jerk to his friend. Roy merely wanted him to be alright. But at the moment, his anger and frustration was stronger than his logic. He drank the rest of his tea in silent and stood to leave for the rooftop.

"Where are you going?" Roy asked.

"I need some air."

 

* * *

 

The ginger head gave him the space he needed, he didn't bother Jason for a while.

Jason breathed in the polluted, thick and chilly breeze of Gotham, stared pointlessly at the advertisement boulder on the building a few blocks away and smoked. Roy jointed him after he was sure Jason had cooled his steam a little. He leaned against the wall next to Jason and took the cigarette that was offered to him. They spent a good portion of time in silence, just smoking on the open area of the rooftop.

Roy was the one who broke the comforting silent. "It's not your fault."

"I made him cry." Jason said coldly.

"No. He wasn't crying. His eyes were red, but I saw no tears there. Actually, when he saw me, he asked me to check on your ass. Said you just froze on him."

Did Dick say that? "But..."

"You think of him like such a weak person. That attitude of yours brought you here." He took a drag out of the cigarette. "Jay, he's a grown up man. He can take care of his own shit."

Silence.

Roy continued. "I get it. You wanted to help him. Your intentions were good, but you chose the wrong way to do it. You could've confronted him like two mature dudes. But what did you do? You played it off and let his drunk confession slip away."

Tim had said the same thing too. He told Jason to just _talk_   to Dick. That was what he was planning to do in the first place, but then he saw the blue eyed man again and his mouth was lost for words. Dick's face, his voice on that night kept coming to his mind whenever he tried to bring Barbara up. He couldn't find the courage to talk, he wasn't brave enough to see Dick's sad eyes again. So he kept quiet.

"You literally took him for a kid. No offense, but you couldn't be subtle around him. I mean, he's studied criminal justice bro. He's practically a detective. How long did you think it would've taken before he found out?" Roy asked as he passed the smoke to him.

He took a long drag and kept the nicotine smoke in his mouth, let it exit through his nose. "Barely a month."

"I bet even sooner than that. He was probably just ignoring the clues, till it got too obvious. He's a good observer like that."

"And how's that supposed to make me feel better?"

"It's supposed to knock some senses to you." His voice got a little softer. "Jay...you almost broke again."

"Don't make it bigger than it already is. Look, I was...out of my mind. And then Dick just busted my ass and I...I just froze there. He left and I couldn't fucking stop him, so...I panicked a bit. It wasn't even that much intense. I'm alright now. You don't need to worry your ass. I'm fine."

"Then why are you smoking this shit again?"

Cutting on smoking was among the many promises he made to himself. But he needed something, anything to clear his thoughts with, and a cigarette was the first thing that came to his mind right then. He took a deeper drag and scowled at his feet.

"Jay...what happened? Just tell me." Roy pleaded. Jason didn't brought his head up, but he knew the red haired was giving him a pity look. He hated that look.

"We kissed." Jason blurted.

Silence stretched between them.

"Are you shitting me? Is that why you freaked out?" Roy said in disbelief.

Jason just ignored him. "I bet it was a test. He wanted to see my reaction. If I pulled back, he'd be forced to explain that it was because he was single all along. And if I kissed him back, it'd just confirm his suspect that I knew about his divorce the whole time. And I was too fucking blind to see that."

Roy put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a squeeze in understanding. He started to talk slowly. "Look, I wasn't there to see what happened between you two, so I'm judging as a person seeing this from an outsider view. I know Dick and I know you. You were trying to help, but were being subtle about it. You hid your intentions, so that made Dick take it as sympathy. If anyone else was on Dick's shoes, they'd feel the same way. You should have been straight with him about your purpose in the first place, so it wouldn't have led to this mess."

"Yeah, I fucked up. But admitting it out loud isn't helping as much as you think it would." Jason said ironically.

"This is the bitter truth. Suck it up, man. I'm your friend. I gotta be frank with you, because if I'm not, then no one else is gonna be. The man's angry at you. He probably never wants to see your face again. I don't blame him though. I mean, he felt utterly pitied! You practically took him for glass."

Jason crossed his arms over his chest and directed his glare toward his friend's face. "What do you suggest I do then, mister _frank_?"

Roy gave him a assuring smile, threw his arms around Jason's shoulders to give him a half hug. "I say you end this child's game, go to his work place or I don't know, his house or something. Apologize for this bullshit act you've played for near a month, explain yourself, that you meant well and that it was all just a misunderstanding. And then if you managed to be persuasive enough, you'll get your shits together."

He gave his friend a look. "It's not that easy, genius. You think I didn't think about that When I went to the fucking Wayne tower the first time around?"

"It's even easier than that." Roy gave him a smile. "I don't know where all those self-doubt attitudes are coming from, but it's not fair to yourself, Jaybird. Your intentions are too good to be treated like that."

He was quite for a bit, weighting what Roy just said. He needed to confront Dick and enlighten him of his purpose for genuine help. But there was only one problem. The blue eyed man was pissed at him. "I don't know, man. You're probably right. He's not gonna even see me, let alone talk to me."

"Jay, listen, When Jade and I went to shit, I...I wished there was someone who had said the same things to me too. I wished somebody had pushed me to be brave and face her, be honest about my feelings and sort my shit with her. But everyone just told me to let go of her, and that she wasn't good for me. I listened to them. I moved on, but...Sometimes, just... _sometimes_ , I think to myself that...what if I confronted her all those years ago and stayed strong for her." A bitter sneer. "I, as a matter of fact, wouldn't be here. That's for sure."

If Dick was the ex he never got over, Jade was the same ex for Roy. His friend almost sounded as broken as Jason when he talked about her. Roy, like Talia, had moved on from his relationship, but he hadn't forgotten about the one he loved, yet.

 "I'm not complaining about the life I have now. I love Kori and she really makes me happy, but...the point is, I wished there **_was_** a person to tell me those shits back then. When I see you like this, I wanna be that guy for you. I don't want you to regret anything, to think that you had the chance to make stuff better between yourselves, but backed off because you felt unsure."

Jason stared at Roy's green eyes as he continued on. "You're still both fresh from the show you've pulled there. Give it some time, but not more than a week, and then just finish this drama you guys built between yourselves already, man."

Jason gave him a grin. "Wow. Those are some big words, you were the psychologist of whom?" He couldn't preserve himself from teasing, because whoa, Roy was making sense for once.

That earned him a smack to the back of his head. "Of the ungrateful asshole named Jason Todd. Jesus, Jay. I can't believe you actually said that."

Jason chuckled and threw his own arm around Roy's shoulder. "But seriously bro. Thanks."

Roy smirked and gave him a few pats on his chest. "Anything for my Jaybird." Jason smirked in return.

Roy was a blessing. He was among the five best things that happened to Jason. Roy was always there for him on the happiest and saddest moments of his life, he had been there when Jason opened his club, helped him get settled and move on. He had been the man who listened to Jason ramble about Dick when he got drunk, he had opened his own heart to Jason too. He was the one who pestered Jason to cook for him too, so they wouldn't have to eat alone. He was the one who saw his friend struggle with nightmares and slept at his bed so they wouldn't feel lonely anymore.

Jason told him his secrets, cried on his shoulders, laughed at his awful pick up lines, teased him for his choice of lovers, got angry at him over giving Jason pity looks. Roy and Jason weren't just friends, they were two brothers from different mothers.

Smoking a cigarette after almost passing out due to the low blood pressure, was probably a bad idea. But Roy was there to make sure Jason wouldn't fall on his ass, talked him through his problem and didn't shy away from showing him the reality of the event. Jason had fucked up, Roy directly told him that, but he also dropped a solution before his feet.

Jason should have met Dick and been honest with him in the first place. He did the mistake of taking Dick for a weak man, just because he saw him vulnerable that night on the rooftop, the same night the aforesaid man had no control over his emotions or mouth and blurted something important to Jason unintentionally. Jason was killing himself over worrying about the blue eyed man that he couldn't make the rational choice when he met Dick at the Wayne tower. He let his feelings for the man to take over his reason, and hid things further.

But he was seeing some changes in Dick, he laughed and talked more, he hung out with Jason and even accepted to come to Jason's place for work out, which would demand more physical contact than the simple shake hands he did at his job. He let those small changes to distract him from making the right decision. But not anymore. He let things to come as far as they have reached already. He made that mess, and he was going to clean the shit he made

Things between him and Dick were going to get clear once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Jason sounded so exaggerating in the first part, it's because he was in a freak out mode, physically and mentally. So he made a mountain out of a molehill.  
> Also, Roy is a blessing. I wanna hate DC for breaking the bromance between Jay and Roy, but I can't, because DC is giving us the Bat-Cat wedding!!! And Selina is absolutely gorgeous there. I can't complain to anything right now.
> 
> Anyway. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always, I appreciate all the thoughts here and can't wait to read your comments. Thanks for reading (^,^)


	12. Chapter 12

Stuff weren't well between him and Dick. 

Normally, Jason would have given the man some time to cool his steams off, and think the situation through. Jason himself wasn't a fan of quick confrontations while he was still fresh from the effects, but it was the best option at hand. 

If he waited any longer, then things were going to go south and possibly, he had to say goodbye to Dick forever this time. Jason didn't like being a nose hair to anyone, especially not to Dick, but they either had to get their shits together once and for all, or stay the hell out of each others life. Forever.

They both messed up from the beginning. Dick for his part, should have corrected Jason the moment he realized Jason was clueless about his divorce, not play along with his unawareness. The cat would have been out of the bag sooner or later. It wouldn't have taken long before Jason got curious and decided to dig things through and discover the truth. 

Barbara was indeed in Star City, but it wasn't because solely her job was transferred there. It was because she had separated from her husband and wanted to build a new life for himself in another city. Away from her past, away from Dick.

It was bothering the blue eyed man. He would understand if Dick didn't want to face that reality and didn't want to share that part of his life with anyone. Especially with Jason, the man who used to be part of that past too.

 He understood where Dick's actions were coming from. Jason would have done the same thing if he was in Dick's shoes. He respected Dick's decision if he wanted to hide his personal life from prying eyes, even though that said personal life was already published in news blog for the whole Gotham to read. 

If Dick wanted to walk hand in hand with a guy, or get divorce from his wife, _for any reason,_ it was his business and no one else. It wasn't his fault that they were living in a society which had _zero_ respect for privacy and personal zone of people like Dick. They presumed celebrities were like a character in their cheesy movies or books, like dulls that their lives weren't theirs only. Citizens of Gotham had a right to know what the hell was going on their lives and _totally_ could interfere with it.

Like they somehow owned it, like their opinions mattered two shits. Those people thought they had a saying in what people like Dick should have worn, what car they should have driven, and who the fuck they had to date. He just bet nowhere in the entire world was that intense like Gotham. 

Jason knew what they had to go through with the media. He saw Talia deal with that shit every now and then. Sure, she wasn't a celebrity like Bruce and the Wayne family, but as the former wife of Bruce Wayne, and the heir to the Al Ghul legacy, she had her own share of invasion of privacy too.

Dick was probably just sick of all those criticized and pitied comments he received because of his loss in life. He had all the rights to get pissed at Jason for acting that way. He didn't like sympathy, it made him feel weak. He was a big guy, he could take care of himself.

As far as Jason remembered, Dick always wanted to escape Bruce's shadow, he wanted to get away from being under the Wayne name. He respected his father highly and had gotten into pretty intense arguments with Jason about it too. But Dick was an independent person and was constantly trying to prove that to the world. That was where Jason's fault came.

He kept playing up with the hide and seek game Dick had started in the beginning, and it ended with Dick's dignity breaking, and it almost got Jason diving to that depression zone again. He was lucky to have Roy to knock some senses into his thick head before it was too late. He thought about what his friend told him the other day on the rooftop. He messed up and needed to make shits right again. 

He had to see Dick for that matter. He couldn't go to the Wayne tower anymore. If the blondie secretary could give him a date, it'd probably be scheduled for six months later. That was _if_   Dick was willing to see his ass after that long, again. He could easily sneak in if he actually  _tried,_ but then there was a fat chance Dick wouldn't have any of Jason's shit, and call security. And before Jason could even explain himself, he would be kicked out of the tower, and get charged against walking a mile near his work place.

He needed to corner Dick somewhere he wouldn't be able to escape Jason's grip again. Somewhere he was comfortable enough to maybe shout with ease if he got frustrated. Somewhere he could admit his secrets to Jason if necessary, without being worried about eavesdroppers. 

He needed to figure out where his pretty bird lived alone and all by himself. As a matter of fact, he was sure Dick didn't live in the manor anymore. So, it had to be either a penhouse, or a big house in the wealthy part of the town. 

Roy and Stephanie clearly didn't know where the blue eyed man lived. He didn't dare to ask Tim either, because he wouldn't just give away his precious brother's address like that. He was going to go all detective mode on him and Jason would be forced to explain what happened, which would bring another episode of _'I told you so'_ scenario with Tim. 

Yeah, he should have listened to his advice and talked straight with Dick in the first place. He had heard enough of them from Roy as it was already. He didn't think he could contain himself from not snapping if the Timboy started getting all offensive and protective over his brother again. 

So, there was only one other person who was still in contact with Dick, who was good friends with Jason, and who might have known Dick's address.

The one and only, Donna Troy.

* * *

 

"Donna's not home." Kyle said closing the door after Jason entered.

"Then what the hell are you doing here while she's not here?"

"Uh...because it's my girlfriend's house?" Kyle said giving him a look.

"You have your own house. I don't see any reasons why you should be here when she's not around. Unless you guys are finally living together?" Jason folded his arms against his chest.

"Relax, buddy." Kyle walked pass him to go to the kitchen. "Honestly? You two look _so much_ alike, that one might think you guys are siblings or something. But you're not, and I'm pretty sure even her real brother wouldn't be as protective as you." 

Jason made himself at home on the couch while Kyle continued. "And you're not even related by blood, but _jeez_ , Jason. If I didn't know you already had a crush on me, I'd think you wanted to kill me every time I mentioned her name."

"No, you thought completely right about the killing part." Jason said flatly. 

He heard a light laughter from the kitchen. "Want a beer?" Kyle asked.

"Nah. I don't think that's a good idea." But he heard the snap sound of two caps of beers popping off on the counter edge anyway. 

Kyle sat next to him on the couch, handed him the bottle of beer and asked with a smirk. "Why? Scared you'd get drunk and finally confess that you want a threesome with me and Donna?"

God, he just wanted to roll his eyes till he saw white. Kyle was such a shameless flirt. But he manged to refrain himself from doing that and went for answering dryly instead.

"Yeah. Something like that." He took a sip from the beer.

"Then I better get my phone ready. I wanna record the moment you blurt I'm such a catch you can't resist."

Jason gave him a look. "What do you take me for? I own a fucking _club_. It's practically my job to deal with alcohol. You think you could get me drunk that easily?"

Kyle's smirk turned wider. He brought the bottle near his lips. "Experience never hurts."

"Fuck off, Rayner." He took a swing to keep the chuckle that was about to leave his mouth when Kyle started laughing.

They drank a few more sips in silent before Kyle decided to break it. "So...Aren't you gonna _talk?"_

"Didn't come here for chatting. Not with _you."_  

He had come there to talk to Donna and somehow sweet-talk her into giving him Dick's address. But she wasn't there, and he doubted Kyle knew it either.

"Well, you clearly got something up on your mind." Kyle tried again.

"Which is none of your business." 

He finished his beer and put the empty bottle on the table before him.

"Oh, _come on,_ buddy. There's something wrong with you today. I can tell. You're being extra mean again."

"Great observation, detective. Want a kiss for your reward?" Jason said sarcastically.

His friend sighed. "Sometimes, I can't tell if you're the world's greatest asshole or actor. But, I'll go for a little bit of both combination. You're in _the mood_ today."

Jason clicked his tongue, but didn't respond. Kyle retreated to the kitchen and came back with two more beers. Apparently, it was crystal clear how much he needed the buzz. He probably shouldn't have drunken that much.

Sure, he could hold his liquid, but Kyle was right. He was afraid he would get carried away and tell his friend stuffs that he shouldn't have. Not about the sexy mental images of a threesome with him and Donna, but about _Dick_ and other shits. As far as Kyle knew, Jason's ex he never got over, was just _the ex_. Neither him, nor Donna had any idea it was actually Dick.

But, oh hell. He kind of _wanted_ that amount of chemical in his system. A little alcohol wouldn't hurt in a situation like that when he couldn't allow himself to go near smoke anymore.

And who better than his buddy Kyle to cheer the drink with?

"So, I saw Dick at the club the other day." Kyle broke the silent again.

He took his words back. To hell with _Kyle Rayner_ and his innocent questions, which were true ninety percent of the time. Fuck his choice of friends, Jason swore to himself.

"So?" He took a large swing from the cold beer.

"Didn't know you knew him. I've caught him a few times there with you. And, I don't know...He seems to genuinely like you." Jason swirled the bottle by its neck, looking at the previous empty bottles before him on the table. "I mean...I think the longest conversation he had was with the CEO of the Wayne enterprises, which is his Dad by the way. But...you kinda manged to melt his ice somehow...I guess."

Yeah, Jason melted him alright. He melted the man with shame and anger. He _literally fucking melted_   Dick from his grips. _'Good job, Jason. Real good.'_

Kyle nudged his arm and gave him that handsome grin he got paid, for flashing at the camera. "You know...I always knew you had a good taste. Because you charmed _Donna_ and all. But I thought Dick would be too attractive to be in your league. I mean, he's down right _hot_ _! ..._ It kinda makes you back off, because you'd think to yourself, he's too good to even wanna waste time talking to you, you know."

"Tell me about it." He muttered and took a large gulp from the drink. If they were going to have that conversation, then he was glad Kyle brought more beers, because without it, Jason wasn't sure he would have been that comfortable talking about Dick to his friend.

Kyle took a few more sips and sighed. "But honestly, he's been quite... _down_ lately. That is, as far as we've gotten a hold on him again, which is just the recent year." A long pause. "But he seems pretty okay now that you're in the picture. Makes me wonder... " A  knowing grin. "Are you guys, I don't know, in a secret relationship or something?" He could practically hear the tease and grin in his voice without even looking.

"He's my ex." Jason said flatly.

That made Kyle to chock on his drink. "Shit, that was quick. Did you guys even lasted a _week?"_

"Wh__. I'm not talking about _now_ , you idiot. He's _**the ex**_. He... _was_ my ex."

Awkward silence stretched between them. Rayner just kept staring at him with his mouth half parted, giving him a look of confusion.

Well, there he had it. Jason's fear came true. He let the cat out of the bag in front of his friend. He blamed the bzz in his blood, but he knew he was just passing the bucket in vain. Who was he kidding? He was completely sober when he opened his mouth to blurt his little secret to Kyle. 

He knew it was a bad idea. He should have seen it coming.

"Oh, fuck it." He stood to leave.

"WAIT!" Kyle grabbed his wrist to stop him. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't know _shit."_

Jason freed his hand from Kyle's grip and glared at his friend. "The fuck are you apologizing for?"

"I...well, you weren't pretty _okay_ when you came here and I just wanted to change the mood, I guess. So I brought Dick up, because...well...I thought you guys are a _thing_. I had no idea__. Shit, I'm sorry man. I was just trying to lighten you up."

Jason sighed. He should have just given Donna a call or a text to send him Dick's address, for the shittiest excuse, _anything_ was better than the awkward conversation he was going to have with Kyle then.

"Sit down, bro. If you leave now, I'm gonna freak out, I swear to God."

Jesus. Times like that, he wondered how on Earth a delicate flower like Kyle wasn't at least bisexual.

He rolled his eyes, but sank back on the couch. Kyle followed after him. "I'm not trying to give excuses, but I think it's probably the alcohol kicking in that got me babble like that. I didn't mean__."

"For fuck's sake, Rayner. Will you just _stop this?"_ Dick was a senstive topic for him, he got it, but _that_ reaction! _Jesus!_ "I told you to not fucking _apologize_." Jason snapped. He was already freaking out from the conversation which was waiting ahead of him. He didn't need Rayner to make it a much bigger deal.

Kyle brought his hands up as a sign of surrender. "Alright, alright. I'll shut up."

Jason grabbed the beer and drank the rest of the bottle in one breath. He exhaled a deep breath when he was finished. Kyle chose that moment to start talking again. But his tone was smaller this time.

"Is that why you wanted to see Donna? You wanted to talk to her about Dick, didn't you."

Silence.

"I'm guessing there's either been a drama happening between you two, and now you're trying to fix it, but don't know how to reach him, so you came here to ask his address, or...you're here for some advice. Which knowing you, I highly doubt the second theory is correct."

Jason gave a light chuckle. "And you're either a mind reader, or I'm just that easy to read."

"No, you're just...more simpler than this _complex_ act you put on for people." Jason turned to stare at the sincerely in his dark eyes. He was pretty sure his face was showing something, because that made Kyle smile. "I won't pester you to talk about your past relationship, Jay. I know better. But there's always beer in the fridge and my door would always be open if you ever wanted to _talk_ , or just hang out."

Jason forced a smile. Kyle went on. "Which is why I'm gonna help you."

He raised an eyebrow in question. "Are you, now?"

"Yeah, I mean, what kind of gentleman would I be if I couldn't keep my lady satisfied?"

He groaned. _Not with the flirting again._ "Kyle, I swear to God, If you don't quit your bullshit, _right now_ , I'm gonna shove that bottle up on your talkative ass."

His friend chuckled. "Alright, alright big guy. I was just trying to help. Jeez." He cleared his throat. "I know Dick's address, if you want."

Silence.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean, you thought, what? That I wouldn't know the house of the guy my girlfriend visits? Really?"

"Why didn't you fucking say that in the first place?"

"You didn't ask? You said you wanted to talk _exclusively_ with _Donna._ Remember?"

Jason didn't know which one he wanted more. To punch that smug face, or kiss it hard. _That jerk._

"Well, I'm asking now. Just tell me where the hell his house is." A pause. "Please."

"You got it, baby." He stood to grab a paper and a pen. Jason sucked in a breath. That was not how he expected his visit to go.

Kyle was a good friend. He was the guy who'd try to reason with you for as long as it required, but if you kept being an ass about it, then he would feel free to knock some senses to you. He'd literally punch you in the gut, because apparently, violence seemed to be a tool to reason with some people. And Kyle wasn't the one to shy away from getting a little rough when it boiled down to it. Good thing was that he was mostly calm and patient at good days like that. So, getting handy would be his last option.

But the thing was that Kyle was a _good_ guy, and Jason was glad to have him in his life.

Sure, it wasn't always that great between them. In the past, they couldn't even bear to stay in the same room together, unless clashing and ending up being smacked in the head by Donna to get their shits together.

 _"Quit being infants. You're embarrassing me. Jesus, I don't even know why I still hang out with you two."_ She used to say that to them almost every single time the three of them met.

Kyle and Jason could never get along. On good days, they were like the sworn enemies. Some used to say that it was because Jason still wasn't over Donna. Some said it was because of his bad temper. Some even had the nerve to say, it was because Jason was _jealous_ of Rayner. **As if!**

Sure, Jason's hobbies weren't the things kids these days labeled as _cool_. Like reading a book, or working out till exhuation. But he still wasn't jealous. He wasn't that shallow to envy making music, or consider posing for a shooting of a blazer he wore as a _cool_ thing. 

They weren't the reasons he was wary toward Kyle prior to their friendship.

_It started with his girlfriend. Donna Troy..._

_To be continued...  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay. Really. Life's been getting on the way and frankly, I've lost my motivation to continue this story. Which honestly sucks, because I wanna get to the point of how they're going to reach the happiness they deserve.  
> Anyway. There's more to this chapter, but I thought it'd be too long. So, stay tuned for more. I can't give you a definitive date, but hopefully I'll update as soon as I can if I get inspired again.  
> Thanks for reading. :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the continuation of the previous one. It's also a flashback, but it's for after their breakup. So, you could imagine it's the last one? If that makes any sense...  
> Enjoy! :)

It started with his girlfriend. Donna Troy. She was the first person Jason dated after Dick.

When he was still at the stage of moping and mourning the relationship he lost with Dick, Donna this pretty girl who had that long beautiful black hair with thick curls and a pair of bright blue eyes that he could have sworn, shone like stars, came to his club.

It was around the time he just had opened outlaws. It was just him and Roy back then. She and her friend, Kori, had come for the job offer they put out for their club. Jason recognized her as one of Dick's friends, but he didn't bring it up. Even though Roy already knew her, he told Jason to never consider telling her about his history with Dick either, because Jason had promised to move on, and she'd only unintentionally trigger the bad memories he was supposed to bury deep in his heart. He promised his friend he'd get over Dick, so he had to at least try.

Donna and Kori started working as bartenders there. It made things easier for them. They could focus on more important shits, like what they were going to do about the empty rooms upstairs. He didn't want his department to turn into a brothel because people always ended up having sex in those rooms. Roy and Jason already had three floors for themselves, which left the two remained ones.

That problem was soon solved too when they found out that Donna and Kori were looking for a rent house. It was the best option to rent the rooms to them, because otherwise, _nobody_ was going to stay in a place, where loud music would shoot on their nerves for the _whole night._

So, they gave the spare rooms to the girls. Everything was settled.

* * *

He was smoking on the rooftop. It didn't take long before Roy joined him too. They started talking about shit when suddenly, Roy came with a suggestion out of _nowhere._

"Hey, Jaybird. I think it's time for you to start dating again."

He took another drag and responded, rather nonchalantly. "I don't do _dating._ "

Roy chuckled. "Dude, really? Now you sound like that christian guy in Fifty Shade."

He considered that for a minute. He hadn't dated since he was parted from Dick. Sure, he had been getting laid and all. He was told he was a hot guy, who _also_ owned a club. _Of course_   people wanted to sleep with him. He could pick up anyone he wanted, and fuck them till they forgot their own names. Not that _he_ could remember any of their names either way.

So he answered. "I don't know. Maybe I _am_. I mean, except being that extra rough and hungry for sex, I guess."

Roy seemed to be ignoring him for the most part, though. "Seriously dude. Quit this shit. Just chose a nice girl or boy and spend some quality time with them."

Jason gave him an unimpressed look, and made a hand gesture while saying. "I do just _that_ all the times."

Roy rolled his green eyes. " 'Quality time' isn't just having sex. You should go out sometimes and, I don't know, get to know someone."

Jason sneered bitterly while watching the view of the city before him. "I don't have that kind of time, remember? I work double shift. I gotta save up some dollars to keep this place running. I spent my whole money on that club. Now I gotta sweat to keep it working."

 

_Talia was still pissed at him over leaving his university. She left him on his own, and refused to even see him. But every now an then, she'd call to check on his condition. It was hardly every three months, but she still called. And Jason told her about the job he found in a club, about how he was working as a bartender along Roy._

_His friend kind of had to face the same circumstances as he did. But where Jason left his studies because of depression, Roy had to leave it because of his heroin addiction, and being financially abandoned by his foster Dad, Oliver Queen._ _They both fell for the same trap. Jason got broken out of his love toward Dick, and Roy got addicted because of his love toward Jade. But they found each other and continued surviving together._

 _Jason told Talia how his boss wanted to sell the department, which his club was built on. She stimulated him to purchase the building. But he didn't have a cent, and more importantly, he didn't want to take money from her._ _She had helped him enough in his life as it was, and with the mess he made, he could never pay her back the way she deserved it.  
_

_But Talia insisted and suggested Jason to take money from the bank account, she had made for him when she first took him under his wings. She swore that it was just a little money she saved up for him over years, and that she never touched the money ever since, didn't add or lessen anything from there. She told him he could use the interests of that money now._

_Jason was reluctant to accept the money at first, but she assured him that it was what every mother would do for her child, that it was Jason's right and he absolutely didn't need to pay her back a penny._

_He finally took the money, and it lasted them enough to buy the whole department and rebuild the club the way they wanted to. So, now it was on them to work hard to keep the place running._

 

"I told you, I'd ask Oliver for you_."

Jason cut his friend short. "Why do you think I made that fucking gym up here if I wanted you to ask _Oliver_ for help?"

"Jay, you're my buddy. Breaking my dignity to ask Ollie for the money I was gonna _borrow_   and give back, is the least I could do for you."

"I appreciate the thought, but I'd rather not have my friend facing something like that. It was bad as it was when I had to see Bruce again. And he's not even my fucking mentor like yours."

Roy threw his arms around his shoulder to give him a half hug. "See? _That's_   what friends do for each other. They help their pals. And I just want to see you happy again, bro. You're not the same guy. I hate to admit it, but I kinda miss the mean Jason."

Jason gave him a look, but smiled nevertheless. Roy continued. "But seriously. Just think about it. Trust me, it'll help more than you think. I can tell, I've been where you're now."

Roy had his own share of an ugly breakup with a girl he had long-term plans with. It has been a long time, but nobody talked about Jade anymore. They had forgotten she ever _was_ a part of Roy's life at some point.

But Roy's words got him thinking, and it made him frustrated as hell. Because thinking was poison to his heart, because he couldn't start thinking for a minute without his mind wandering toward a pair of absent blue eyes in his life.

He couldn't bring himself to date anyone. He couldn't do the things he used to do with Dick, with someone else. He didn't _want_   to. To snuggle on the couch and watch crappy movies. To drink cheap bears and make out under the sky of Gotham. To cook together and get mad over the mess they've made. To lean against each other and read his favorite book. To come back from a bad day to _their_ bed, and sleep with the warmth of his body next to his. To kiss without wanting to fuck. He wasn't ready to give those stuff to anyone, and he didn't want to.

He got laid, he got to have the steam out of his body and it helped. Healthy or unhealthy, Jason was content with what he could have. Because that was easier, easier than him, Dick and dating.

* * *

Roy got under his skin, he was right. If he truly wanted to move on, he had to start off from somewhere. Maybe if Dick actually had felt the slightest love toward him, he'd have wanted the same thing for Jason too.

It was easy for him. Every night various girls and boys came to his club. He might have as well found someone who was interested in more than just sex. He never took the flirts his customers showered him with, for serious though. Because it was a fucking _club!_ People came there to fill in their loneliness, and forget about the problems that were waiting for the outside the walls of the outlaws, get drunk and maybe get a free lay. Nobody came there looking for a relationship.

But that didn't stop him from noticing others, watching them from behind the bar, and trying to find the right person who stroke his interest. He promised Roy, and mostly to himself that he'd move on. So, he tried, but to no one's surprised, he failed every single time.

He saw that pretty girl on the dance floor, and the first thing that came to his mind, was how her short black hair reminded him of Dick's. The guy he was making out with winked at him, and all Jason could think, was how his eyelashes were just as thick and long as Dick's. He looked at strangers, but the only thing he could see in them was Dick.

That girl twisted her eyebrows in disgust when she drank a heavy drink. Dick used to do the same thing whenever he tried a bitter beverage.

He saw that guy hugging all his friends goodbye. Dick liked hugging people just that bad.

That girl's eyes were the same color as Dick's. Maybe not as blue, but they had the same shade.

He thought about Kori, his new bartender. She had no resembling to Dick, at least not facially. She had blazing red hair, dark skin with intense green eyes that were too big and odd to be real. She shone big and catchy. She stood there, behind the table, like an alien, like something out of the blurry world, attracting everybody's attention. The eye-catching cloths she wore, didn't help drawing less eye on her either. But her peculiar appearance aside, it was her personality that had him back off. She was cheerful, a ball of fire, always full of energy to do the stupidest thing on Earth and laugh about it in the end. Too optimistic and trusting. Her alien green eyes only saw the best and the most beautiful thing in everyone.

Kori was kind, friendly, honest and loyal. But when it came down to it, she could be pretty serious, that one would think they didn't know her anymore. When customers became too much of a jackass, all Jason wanted to do, was to grab some popcorn and watch her, hand those jerk's asses to them, and walk nonchalantly back to her spot to continue chatting with the girl before her, about how pretty her makeup looked.

Kori might not have looked like Dick figuratively, but she was more like the blue eyed man than he liked to admit. They were like two pieces of an apple, like two soul-mates. He wondered if they'd ever make a great couple. Dick could make her happy, and she could easily pay the affection back. She was probably everything Dick ever wanted from a lover.

She laughed a lot, was undermined because of her friendly trait, that you'd forget how superior she really could get if you played with her wrong buttons. She was touch starved, and would embrace Jason every time they met. She'd crush him with her super strength arms, and melt him in the heat of her body. Jason never complained though, he didn't mind it. He was a sucker for skin contact ever since Dick. It wasn't her fault that she kept reminding him of his long lost love

Sometimes, he wondered to himself, that maybe things would have been different if both Jason and Dick had met the right person instead of each other...

So, he let the dating thing to slip away.

* * *

It happened in one morning.

He just had gotten back from running in Gotham ducks, and was riding up by the elevator with Donna by his side.

"Red's a good color on you." She said pointing to the red sweater he was wearing.

He dropped his head down and murmured. "Thanks." Dick liked that color on him too.

"You're welcome." She said.

He turned to look at her. As much as Kori was all flashy and full of colors, Donna was quite the opposite. She was wearing a black top, with dark jeans, with her usual silver colored high heel shoes. She always wore a pair of star shaped earing, and two silver bracelets on each wrist. She was like a dark star. She had her own kind of beauty, even though her attire wasn't shining with life.

Donna caught him staring and offered a smile. Her bright blue eyes sparkled too. When he looked at her, all he could see was a female version of Dick. Raven hair, lush eyebrows, eyes which held wit, but smiled nevertheless. Straight nose, perfect lips, soft skin with a fine shaped jawline. If Dick had a little sister, that person would have been Donna.

"Are you searching to find something to compliment me in return?" She said playfully.

"Will you go on a date with me?" Jason asked before he could even think and taste the words on his tongue first. God, he couldn't have sounded stupider than that moment in _his_ _entire_ _life._

"Uh...what?"

The elevator door opened. Jason quickly moved to step out of there, even if it wasn't his floor. "Just forget you heard anything."

"Wait !" She grabbed his shoulder to stop him from leaving. "I will." Jason slowly turned to look at her. "I mean...I'd love to."

He stared at her. "Are you sure?"

Why the hell did he said that? _'Are you sure?'_ What the fuck was wrong with him that day?

"Even after you asked me out like you wanted to take me to prom? Yeah. I'm pretty sure I want to." Her smile turned to an amusing smirk. He felt his neck heating up. She chuckled at his reaction. Damn his pale skin that made his blush more obvious. "So, how about a lunch today?" She asked.

Lunch, right. It wasn't like they could have dinner or something when their work started at night. "I'll pick you up then?"

"That'd be so kind of you to ride the elevator down to my floor."

His face flushed harder. "We could meet at the restaurant then." He was _really bad_   at it. He so damn knew it.

She chuckled. "I was just kidding, big boy." She left the elevator, but before the doors could close again, she turned to him and said. "Pick me at twelve?"

"Okay."

_'Step by step'._

It was just a start, and it was so sudden that he couldn't even properly react to his own proposal. Donna was the one who saved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. Really. I couldn't write the complete chapter right now. I'm really sorry. I mean, I've already wrote the whole chapter on script, it's ready and all, but I couldn't type all of it on the web. Something came up. But I promise to post the rest of the chapter tomorrow. Thanks for reading, I'll make it up to you guys as soon as I can.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the previous chapter.  
> The next chapter's a little short. Maybe I'd update that quick too...We'll see.  
> Enjoy! :)

The date went smooth to his surprise, and it didn't make things awkward between them at work the way he thought it would. They were the boss and the employee after all. 

They went on another date and another. On the fourth one, Jason took the night off, and took Donna to a basketball game, because he found out that she enjoyed sports a lot. That date was a treat for Jason too, he got to do what he liked, _and_   he also got to take Donna on a date at the same time. Two birds, one stone.

The game had its own excitement and thrill. It was a pretty decent match. But then the break between two sets arrived, and the large monitor on the big stadium started going through people, and pairing them to kiss. It was simply for the entertainment of the people inside the stadium, but Jason got nothing of the enjoyment feeling everyone gained from it. 

He was more nervous than anything. Not from kissing a stranger, but from facing Donna, from taking the next step on their relationship. It was hard for him to believe he had gone through with what he went already. He still thought about Dick when he couldn't sleep at nights. So he wasn't sure how he'd take it if it actually came to confronting that aspect of their relationship. It was always easier with strangers. You didn't know them, so there was no hard feelings involved. But once it got personal, he was always left unprepared.

But fortunately, the monitor didn't zoom on them to kiss, and he watched the rest of the game in peace.

* * *

 

He bought her ice cream on the way home. She talked enthusiastically about the game.

"I mean, I never doubted we'd win, but the other team got some _games_ up their sleeves for sure. These new players from Poland sure knew their way around a ball. Did you see that _score_..."

Jason mostly kept quiet and smiled. He was glad she enjoyed herself.

He dropped her by her door, but she didn't kiss his cheeks and went inside like she used to do before. Instead, she leaned against the door, tugged a streak of raven hair behind her ears, and sweetly said. "I really had fun today. Thanks, Jason."

"No problem."

She smiled. God that _smile_. It was so familiar. He stared at her, at the same star earings, black jacket and silver boots. Her lip gloss was long gone, her eyelashes were thicker with mascara, making her eyes look bigger. She was _beautiful._

He stepped closer, put a hand on her face to caress her soft skin. He licked his lips nervously. "Can I kiss you?"

There was no hint of tease or flirt in his voice. Maybe he should've stopped asking, and dived in with what he wanted. He could've simply asked her _"Hey, you wanna get drinks with me sometimes?"_ instead of asking _"Will you go on a date with me?"_   like elementary students. He could lean down and kiss her without asking like a creep, and makes things awkward.

But Jason needed closure. Donna was the first after Dick. He somehow needed permission to move forward with her. It was like asking ' _Is it okay that I want to forget Dick? That I want to kiss her?'_ was he even allowed to want more?

She giggled and nodded. He pressed their lips together, and let himself be lost in the feeling of her soft lips and vanilla taste on her tongue.

* * *

The first time they slept together, Jason almost was about to grab his cloths and leave afterward. But he looked at Donna's sleeping form next to his, and paused his movements. He had decided to start something with her, and so far, he's been able to survive it. He couldn't give up then and make her feel like a cheap lay. She deserved more than being Jason's experience lab mouse.

So he retreated to the bed, hooked a hand around her slim waist to pull her against his chest. That night was the first time he didn't need to exhaust himself to sleep, or take sleeping pills to drift off the world. To dream of Dick and his laughter.

He didn't wanted to believe it, but Donna had helped him more than he thought was possible for a fucked up guy like himself. He held hands with her, started  coming out of his serious zone, cracked jokes and talked about irrelevant things like there was no care about the topic, took his time to hang out with his friends outside of work, he had a warm presence in his bed at most nights to keep him from thinking about Dick.

Donna was the first person who didn't judge him at first sight, about his occasional weird habits. She was the one who listened to him, babble about the recent book he read even though, she didn't have an interest in the complex stuff he read. She was the one who put up with his obsession about physical contact, and held him in her arms longer than a normal hug would last.

He was falling for her. He couldn't love Donna more than Dick, not even close to him, but he definitely was feeling something other than sexual desire toward her. To the point where he fooled himself that he could actually move on. But being hopeful wasn't his strongest weapon. And just like how everything good that happened in his life would come crashing at head, he should have known his happiness was temporary.

* * *

"Kyle's back." She said one day.

Kyle Rayner was her ex. The guy from L.A whom she broke up with and had come to Gotham to move on from. He was back now, and she seemed in dilemma about staying with Jason. She loved Kyle, but...

"He wanted to be a musician. It was his dream, everything he thought about, but...I was on the way. He couldn't afford to make time for _us,_ and it bothered him. He was too focused on following music that he couldn't spend time with me. It was okay with me, I just wanted him to follow his dream. But he kept giving himself a hard time, because he said it wasn't fair to me. 

"It didn't matter how much he denied it. But I was holding him back. Intentionally, or unintentionally, it didn't matter. He was always worried that he wasn't making me happy. I...I left him so he'd have his whole attention zeroed on his goal, so he'd work harder without me around to think about. 

"I know, you may think I'm the worst girlfriend _ever,_ because I left the one I loved...and now he's probably alone on his own. He has to work harder now that he has nobody to support, nobody to hear nagging about his boss, no one to stay awake with him at night...I..."

She gave up and burst into tears. Jason held her in his arms and let her cry on his chest. Weeping. "I just wanted him to achieve his dream. I just wanted him to get somewhere _good_.  Jason, I'm a _horrible_ person. I'm so _sorry._ " 

Jason tightened his hold around her. He knew where she was coming. She sacrificed herself so the one she loved, could have everything he wanted. He just wished it could've been the same for him and Dick too.

* * *

She didn't stay. Kyle came back, and she went to him. Jason wouldn't blame her though. He would've done the same thing if Dick back to him too.

When they finally finished apprenticeship at a salon in Gotham, Donna and Kori left his club to work as hair stylists. But Donna came to say goodbye to him before she left.

"I don't want there to be any secrets left between us. So...I think you deserve to know this." She took a deep breath and bite her lips. "You were my rebound guy. Jason, I'm...I'm sorry we didn't work out."

He was quiet for a minute, then sighed and admitted his own secret. "You were my rebound girl too. But...you've helped me more than you think."

She put a hand on his face. "Jason, I love Kyle, but you're my favorite person in the world. Okay?" She asked for clarification with a small voice.

He kissed the palm of her hand, which was on his cheeks, and nuzzled to her touch. She gave him the smile he always liked. The sweet curl of her perfect lips. Now he knew why it looked so familiar. She smiled like Dick.

"Come here, you big boy." She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug. He buried his nose on her neck, and took deep inhales of her musky soft hair. She pushed her face to his shoulder, and raven strokes covered his face.

"I'm sure there's someone out there who loves to listen to your amazing voice, reading _complicated_ poems to them." She said playfully. He closed his eyes and just breathed in her lush sense. "Your voice's going to be _music_   to someone's ears, Jason."

He wished it could be true. But no matter how amazing his voice would be like, the man he wanted to hear it, didn't like the music he played.

She slightly pulled back, but still kept their closeness. Jason chuckled nervously. "Sorry I was such a clingy guy."

"Don't be silly. If anything, I'm grateful. Trust me, I needed it." She looked at him with those star blue eyes, and that easy smile. God, this was _it._ They were seriously ending stuff between them.

He tugged a streak of her raven hair behind her ears. He didn't want it to end like that. "Can I kiss you...for the last time?"

He never got the chance to kiss Dick for the last time.

She looked hesitate for a moment, but it was instantly brushed off as she chuckled slightly. "Jay, I never got why you bother to ask...of course you can." 

He took her face between his fingers and leaned down to put his lips on the perfect curve of her mouth. He didn't deepen the kiss. He merely stroke his thumb on her cheeks and moved his mouth gently on hers. That was how he wanted to remember her. Gentle, playful, and beautiful.

He didn't know it was coincident or just his bad luck, that anyone who came to his way, had an ugly breakup of their own. If Barbara was the girl Dick left him for, Kyle was the guy Donna left him for.

* * *

Jason and Donna decided to stay friends. So, she had to introduce him to her boyfriend. Neither of the boys were fond of each other. Kyle was the jealous boyfriend, and Jason was the love sick ex. Where Kyle hated the fact that Donna was such good friends with her ex, Jason was wary of him because of who he was.

He was that guy who was stupidly handsome, playful, a natural charmer with the worst jokes he had ever heard. But to make things worst, he was the guy who couldn't help but be perfect at everything he did. Who did Jason know with those qualities? 

Well, of course. The one and only, Dick Grayson. 

Out of all the people he knew, Kyle reminded him of Dick the most. And the fact that he was the one Donna chose over Jason, made him more furious. Kyle was just another Barbara in his life. But where he wanted nothing to do with _her,_ he couldn't quite be that carefree when it came to Kyle. 

He hated Rayner for interfering with the relationship he had with Donna. He had hopes with her, that maybe if she stayed with him, he would've actually moved on and completely fallen for her. But Kyle came and snatched her from him. 

He should've avoided Rayner, he should've gotten over the fact that Donna was with Kyle, but he couldn't. Jason hated Kyle. He hated how the man made him think of Dick, without even knowing it. He hated that he lost Donna over him.

So, he snapped at him and resented the man. Donna played a peace maker role between them. They were both her favorite boys, and she wanted them to get along with each other. So, she asked Jason to employ Kyle as a DJ at his club. Naturally, both men declined at first, but then none of them could say no to Donna. So eventually, Kyle moved to Gotham, rented one of his rooms, and worked with his own profession at the club. That caused Donna to give him more visits, and _that_ was a start of a beautiful friendship.

The three of them spent more times together. Kyle got over the fact that Jason was Donna's ex, and Jason learned to make peace with his attitude toward him. Everything was great with them. Where Donna resembled Dick facially, Kyle made up with his familiar personality. Jason felt complete with them.

Never ever had he felt like a third-wheel in their relationship. Never was it awkward between them when Donna crushed Jason in her arms more passionately than the casual friendly zone allowed, or when she'd kiss Kyle in front of him, or even though everyone knew Kyle wasn't into men, he'd always flirt shamelessly with Jason. Kyle was that straight friend of yours who would say _'Dude. I'd totally do you if you were a chick.'_

He knew Kyle didn't like boys that way, but Jason had a feeling, he was the only guy Kyle had ever flirted with. Jason took pleasure in knowing that. It made their triangle friendship more stable. Jason liked Donna, she loved Kyle, and he liked Jason. 

If anything, the teasing between the two boys made it feel less weird, because of the fact that they both had slept with Donna, and seen her naked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. :)  
> I appreciate all the thoughts on this chapter. So, please make sure to let me know them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from the present time, right after chapter 12.   
> Originally, I was going to add this to the previous chapter, but I figured I'd keep it as a single one. It's a small interaction, you could count it as the peace before the storm. Because...I don't wanna be spoilers, but it's pretty long, and it's eventful. (Obviously) So, I hope you enjoy this little bonding moment in the character's life.

Kyle returned with a piece of paper in his hand, it was Dick's address, but before Jason grab it, he retreated his hand back to keep the paper out of his reach. Jason raised an eyebrow questionably at him.

Kyle slowly sat next to him on the couch and started. "Look buddy, I probably shouldn't give away someone's address without their permission_."

"Kyle, for God's sake_."

"_ _But_ , I'm going to do it for you. Because one, I know how important it is for you...and mostly because I trust you." Kyle held his stare for a good measure of time. "So, _don't_ fuck this up, dude."

He snatched the paper and answered. "Don't worry, I won't tell him I got his address from you."

"Uh...so, what exactly are you gonna say if he asks?"

He simply shrugged. " _If_ he asks, I'm gonna say I just found it myself." 

Kyle gave him an unimpressed look. Jason pressed. "He'll believe me."

Not because Dick was gullible or something, but because he knew what Jason was capable of. The man, who picked up a lock to sneak in on the rooftops, sure got some stuff up on his sleeve.

" _OKAY._..hey, by the way, don't tell Donna about this till you guys figured your shit out. Alright? Because if you guys _don't_ , and she finds out I was partly responsible, you won't have an awesome DJ anymore." A pause. "Because I'd be dead. Got it? A _dead_   corpse!"

"Keeping you alive is the least I could do to thank you." He patted his friend's shoulder.

"Yeah, no...I don't want you to be grateful. I want your mouth sealed."

Honestly, Kyle was losing it for no good reason. "Dude, it's _me_ _!_   Why are we even having this conversation?"

"I mean...right? Let's make out or something. I'm bored."

Jason gave him a look. Why was he friends with this dork again? One moment he was all freaking out over Donna finding out, like he was a kid a who had eaten the cookies his mom so insistingly told him not. And now he switched topics like he changed his sneakers for his shoots. If he didn't have Kyle Rayner in his life, he would've certainly died out of boredom.

"I'm gonna go for the _something_."

"You're no fun, Jay."

Jason gave him a look. " _My_   definition of good times isn't considered _fun_   to you."

Kyle playfully leaned forward and flashed him one of his 'Lady killer grins', emphasize on _ladies,_ because Jason was a man, and that grin totally wasn't meant for charming _him._

"I don't know about that." Rayner said. "You seem like an interesting man. Sounds fun to _me."_

"Oh my God, guys! Just find a room already!"

They both bolted up from the furniture upon hearing Donna's voice. She was standing near the entrance door, smirking at their reaction. They both had jumped like they were caught doing something they weren't supposed. 

How long has she been standing there? And more importantly, how the _fuck_   didn't they hear the locks opening?

"And don't forget to invite me too." She winked at particulary none of them, and walked up to them.

"Baby! How long have you been there?" Kyle asked the question he wanted to know, and approached her and kissed her on the lips. When they pulled back he stared at her for a moment. "I swear, you were a ninja in your past life."

"Nope. I'd still go for the badass warrior." Jason said, coming up to them.

Donna rolled her eyes and muttered. "Boys!" She held her arm open for Jason. He chuckled and walked up to her welcoming arms. She crushed both boys at once and whispered. "Never grow up guys."

"Never." Kyle the dork, promised immediately. 

"I'll think about it." He responded.

She pulled back to look at him in the eyes. "You're staying for dinner, right?"

"No, I actually_."

Jason tried to talk, but was caught off by her. "I'm not hearing any 'No's."

"But_."

"_NO _excuses!_ It's not fair that Kyle gets to see you more than I...You're staying."

She was literally commanding him to obey her. It was her way or highway. He didn't know why it wasn't annoying him the way he thought it should have, but he figured he was simply okay with her ordering him around. That zone of power was among the many things he liked about her too. That woman sat her words down.

"You're gonna have to make it worth the wait." Kyle whispered to him when Donna was gone to change her cloths.

"Tell me about it." He whispered back. 

And yep, it was definitely the alcohol kicking in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it was short, but I was heavily inspired by one of my precious readers to post more. Jellzu, this was for you. I hope you enjoyed it even though, it might not have been what you expected. Future chapters are LONG. I could assure you of that.  
> Anyway. Thanks for reading. All the thoughts are appreciated. :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update. Dick seemed to be quiet lately, so here's a chapter with his POV. I hope it'd make up for the late post. Enjoy :)

How the hell shits started to hit the fan? How did they come to that moment again? It was a question Dick had been asking himself ever since he opened his door to an uninvited guest that night.

When he came to think of it, he kind of has been feeling odd that day since the second he opened his his eyes to stare at the drawer next to his bed. He had an unease feeling. Like he had seen a bad dream and couldn't remember it, but the sensation still had its impact on his mood. He was reluctant to leave his bed and get ready for work. It was a shame, because he wasn't even as old as Bruce, but he was already giving in to that lazy and lifeless zone while the said man was still as energetic and hardworking as a twenty year old. But mornings like that, was where he was grateful for an office job, where he wouldn't have to bear with the crowd and dense noises all around him. That thought actually made it easier to cop with the fact that Dick wasn't quiet fond of the said job.

He got himself to the Wayne tower however he could, sat on a conference room next to Tam Fox and analyzed the low budget of a construct company they had invested on. To no one's surprise, Bruce was on a business trip in France, which left Lucius the sub CEO. Dick couldn't start to think how the man managed to deal with all the company's shits for all those years. He must have been pretty hooked on the job to never get tired of all those responsibilities, he was practically running the company.

Barbara was quite committed to her occupation too. She gave it all she had, and always encouraged him to pursue the same path. She used to say _"Whatever you do, do it the best way you can. Even if it's as simple as washing the dishes."_ Her determination was always a motivation boost for him. Made him want to be as good as her. She was probably going to be a good role model for their child. . .

But unfortunately, it was that commitment of his that got them distance. That was why the right phrase to use was she _could have been_ a good role model for their kid.That obsession to be perfect at whatever he was going to do, didn't exactly pay off the way they were foreseeing it. It drove them to more isolation and separation. Literally.

He had to smack himself mentally several times to get his head in the game, and not stare pointlessly at the files before him. Ever since his last encounter with Jason, his mind seemed to lose its ability to function properly. His daily routines appeared more boring, concentration was getting harder and his head was haunted by the thoughts of Barbara more than ever. His bed never felt that lonely and cold since the first nights that they had gotten divorce.

He was struggling with conflict thoughts, because on one hand, he was hoping that incident on the rooftop was merely a misunderstanding, and that Jason was going to come and clarify it for him. But on the other hand, he didn't think he had the face to confront the man anymore. Besides, a week had passed, but there was no trace of Jason. So any hope of that embarrassment drunk night being a misunderstanding, got thrown to trashcan.

Dick was setting his heart on too much. What was he expecting to come off from those interactions with Jason? Was he longing for a friendship with Jason? _His ex?_   Was he secretly crossing his fingers for an improvement in them?

He was hoping for nothing there. Five years passed, he changed and Jason had turned into an entirely different person. But still, they couldn't work out as. . . as _anything._ The problem was _them_. Dick and Jason. They weren't meant to be, they couldn't fit together. At some point in his life, Dick got to expect that fact as a home truth. But then the last few months happened, and he was faced with the bitter reality again. 

The concept of him and Jason always ended up in a disaster. He had to suck it all up and stop wishing that it could be otherwise. But _God,_ wasn't the thought of what he had blurted to the aforesaid man, that night on the rooftop, tugging his head. He tried to calm the storm of thoughts. . . whatever the hell he said to the man that night, shouldn't have matter. It was in the past, it was over, there was nothing he could do about it. He had to _let go._

But then his obsession to know everything, came attacking him. _"What had he blurted?' ._ The thought was eating his mind up.

At some point he had to learn to move forward. He couldn't go back to Jason's place, and the said man didn't seem to have any desire to find him.

It was over. . . again.

Dick chuckled bitterly. What did he know? Maybe Jason really kissed him back out of a sick sense of sympathy.

* * *

How exactly did they come to that moment again? He has been asking himself that question over and over. Because he couldn't wrap his fingers around just _how._ One moment he was worn out from the exhaustion of the day, and the extra effort he had to pour in his job to concentrate better, and was counting the seconds to collapse dead in his bed, but then his door bell rang. The next thing he knew, he was faced with _him._

The uninvited guest, who has been haunting his thoughts for an entire week. Day by day. Who's disappearance, made him feel more lonely. Second by second. Dick's heart skipped a beat at his sight. Because it wasn't a casual meeting on runs, or a friendly dinner, or a simple hang out for drinks. It was a visit after an intimate kiss, after feeling betrayed, after building a stupid drama between them. 

What was Jason doing there? _How_ did he find his place? Neither Stephanie nor Roy had any idea where he lived. Tim wouldn't give his address away without giving him heads up first. Bruce was out of question. Damian wasn't in contact with Jason. And he was pretty sure Talia didn't know it either. Who else then? Donna wouldn't do it without his permission. Donna just came from Washington, and Kyle was. . . _Kyle_

He shook his head at the guilty expression on Jason's face. Of course it was him.

"Look, _I_ asked him. . . But don't worry. I didn't tell him. . . I even gave him a shitty excuse." Jason said.

"And how's that going to make it any better?"

"I. . . I don't know. Thought it'd be assuring? I guess?. . ." Jason put his hand on his hips, huffed and then murmured. "Man, I suck at this." 

That made him frown. He could see where it was going to lead, and that thought quickened his heartbeat a bit. Because _finally!!!_ He has been counting the seconds for that moment ever since he last saw the man. 

"Can we just. . ." Jason tried again. Dick rose an eyebrow at his hesitation. "Look, I don't wanna make it awkward or anything, but. . . there's no good way to start this, so I'm just gonna. . . " The man sighed. Dick just bet it all sounded much better in his head. "Sorry."

Silence.

Dick just stared at the man before him. Stared at his stupid, beautiful face, at its edgy roughness. The dark shaggy hair with that white streak, and wow, because it wasn't even his whole hair, but it still made him look down right handsome. He was wearing an olive green shirt, with a surprisingly, _cotton_ jacket over it. No leather. Dark jeans. Shoes, which weren't combat boots, and a red helmet on his hand. Jason looked so young and. . . out of character. Not just his attire, but his actions as well. 

Jason's visit was unexpected for him. He had been expecting the man to still hold some of his stubborn trait, and have too much pride to bother finding him. but _this?_ Saying _sorry?_ That wasn't the Jason he knew. Which did nothing but to boil his blood further. He wasn't going to be taken as a fool one more time. He wasn't going to be played with. If that was what the man was aiming for.

"Oh, thanks for ignoring my saying in any of this, because really, all it took was a dry _sorry_   so we're okay again. I mean, I shouldn't make a fuss about it, right? You just made feel like shit, that's it. . . what else is new?" He finally said.

Jason opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came, he bit his lip to cover it. Handed his helmet to his other grip, and put his weight on a leg. Dick probably should have asked him to at least have a seat, but he wasn't quite feeling hospitable then. Jason was an uninvited guest. He just wanted to get to the point and be over with it.

"It's not the right time to talk about our feelings, Dick. That's another conversation for later."

He couldn't believe that man.

"What are you talking about? You're not supposed to be here in the first place. And there's not going to be _'another day'_ or _a conversation for later'._ In fact, the only conversation that's gonna happen, is between me and Kyle about trust and _privacy."_

"Don't blame it on the guy. He was just trying to help."

 _You. He was trying to help_ you. His head screamed that to him. He was tired of beating around the obvious like that. Jason was there to fix stuff between them? Then so be it.

"You're right. But I don't blame him. I blame _you_. You're the one who brought us to this shit after all."

"Alright, now you're being unfair." Jason said.

Was he for real? He was the one who came there. He had to see that coming, he had to suck it all up. But instead, he was trying to turn the tables around? _Oh, he got it coming his way._

"Unfair?" Dick bitterly sneered. "That's funny coming out of your mouth, because you know what's unfair? That you take me for a fool, and think you can get away with it. But when it all comes crashing, you'd go through fire and water to take the guilt away, wouldn't you?"

"Dick, that's not even why I'm__."

"Did you even bother to think what _I_ wanted? What I would've felt about it? That maybe, I don't want to see your stupid face, _ever_ again? Did you even bother to consider my statute here? Did you _ever?"_ " 

It was pathetic how he was letting his mouth run like that, how he didn't have control over the words that came out of his chest, how he was allowing his emotions to take the better of him, how he was letting himself be vulnerable before Jason again.

"Dick, I. . . can we skip that part about our past?" Jason asked. He looked so lost for someone claiming to be there for the intention of making stuff _right._ Confrontation sounded easy in head, but in person, everything was real and pole apart. Jason should've known that.

"Yeah, sure. Because I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Typical Jason Todd. Ignoring the elephant in the room. Not giving two shits about what happened to Dick afterward. Just putting an effort to sleep with a better conscience."

That brought Jason's eyebrows down, knitting together to scowl at him. "Dick, are you even hearing yourself? I get it, you're pissed. But stop making a big deal out of it."

 _Oh, didn't he know that himself_. 

Jason was right. If they could just hear themselves. . . it was ridiculous. It wasn't a childish game. It was their own doing. It was their stubbornness that brought them to that moment. They were both thick-heads like that. But still, Jason was there, making an effort to amend things between them. The least he could do, was to give the guy credit for trying. But he was pissed, and left feeling _invaded._

What the hell was Jason doing at his house in that late hour? He could bring all the excuses he had up on his sleeve. _'You're busy during the day', 'You didn't come for a run', 'Your security wouldn't arrange me a meeting'_ Dick could see all those waves of bullshit coming his way, and the fact that Jason never said a single word like that, made him even more irritated.

"There you go again." He said. "Yeah, ditch me with your bullshits. Guess some habits never gets old." He couldn't help the cold tone in his voice. His anger was literally leading his actions.

The same reflection was slowly creeping into Jason's temper too, as far as the rise in his tone went. "You wanna open old wounds? Fine. _You_ asked for it."

Dick rolled his eyes. _Yeah, bring it on. Let's hear your shitty excuse about how you're the innocent one here, and only wanted to_ help.

Jason stared at him in disbelief. "What's wrong with you? You think you're such an _angel_? Have you looked at yourself? At what _you_ did to me?"

Dick frowned and folded his arms against his chest. Jason continued. "You ever gave a damn to what happened to _me?_ You ever bothered asking yourself, what the fuck is Jason doing owning a club while he was majoring in literature?"

That. . . He. . . it had nothing to do with the point at hand. Jason beat him to it before he could open his mouth. "You ever wondered for _a second_ , what the hell happened to me? Because I fucking did when I saw you behind that fucking office desk."

"You've been wondering why I didn't become the detective I was gonna be? Well, fuck you, Jason. I don't need your sympathy."

Jason ran his free hand over his face. "This isn't sympathy. _God,_ I'm trying to help. Open your eyes, Dick."

He unfolded his arms to point an accusing finger at the man. "You're trying to _help?_ Tell me how that's not pity, Jason."

The aforesaid man groaned out of frustration. "It's not fucking pity. . . " He pointed toward Dick. "I don't want to see you like this." His tone got a little lighter. "You _know_ how much I hate pity. I'd never do that to you, Dickie."

He just stared at the man with his eyebrows twisted down. 

He hate it. He hated that small part of him, which was waiting for Jason to come and say sorry. He hated how he was constantly reminded of the beautiful apology kisses his former lover used to plant gently all over his skin. It made him pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration, because that damn feeling was refreshed after he got a taste of Jason again. It made him sound like a pervert for even thinking about it.

And that pissed him off even more. Because deep inside, that lonely part of him, secretly _wanted_ it. Right there and then, he got to have a piece of his wish. Jason was there, and clearly for the intention to repair the error between them. He got what he wished for. But now that he was faced with it, his irritation wouldn't allow him to be an adult about it. All he wanted to do, was to just shut the man out and sulk when Jason kept coming back to him.

It was ridiculous and childish, even to his own head. But whenever he tried to be a little reasonable there, Jason would start justifying himself, and he'd get offended just hearing that scene being relived by Jason's voice. 

He had been zoning on his own mind that he forgot to give a response. "Don't talk like you give a half shit about me."

"I _do._ I do, dammit." Jason said without missing a beat.

"Oh, you mean like how you cared so much to read a single article about me and know that I've fucking gotten divorce?"

"You're so selfish__."

"__Oh, I'm selfish now?__"

" _YES!_ You think I've been on a _vacation_ when you left me? You think I had all the times of the world to lay around and listen to reporters, ramble about how the Wayne family liked their tea? Or who the hell Bruce Wayne is fucking now__."

"Right, because you've been living in a cave that has no TV__."

"You're not as much a celebrity as Bruce. You think Vickie Vale would leave daddy sweet to follow your personal life after you gotten married?"

How the hell shits started to hit the fan? He didn't even know how many times he asked that question from himself. It was a long and exhausting day. He was _tired_. He just wanted that shit to be over as soon as possible, so he could finally get some rest. Maybe all that bitching had something to do with his worn out mood too. But given the responses Jason was throwing his way, he thought he had actually contained himself much better than expected. 

He gave the man a look. "Do I look like I was born yesterday? Barbara's accident was all over the news. How didn't you see _that?_ What's your excuse this time?"

It was Jason's turn to point an accusing finger at him. "This is what I'm talking about when I say you only think of yourself." Dick couldn't help but to roll his eyes, which Jason ignored for his part. "Barbara's accident happened _four_ years ago. Barely a year since you left me. Remember? What? Did you really think I was gonna get over you that easily? You think everything was the same after you left? No, you didn't. You know why? Because you're _selfish_. Because all you've cared about was _yourself_ , even when you claimed to love me. You were just trying to save yourself__."

He cut Jason off before the man could say anymore. He just. . . needed to stop the man from talking further, or else, his heart was going to come out of his ribs. He didn't want to hear them, he didn't believe them, he didn't know the reaction he would have afterward. He wouldn't give Jason the satisfaction of playing with him again. 

So he snapped. "Alright, I'm a selfish bastard. Is that what you wanna hear? You wanted me to admit__."

" _NO._ I don't want you to admit to anything, dammit. I want you to open your eyes and see the reality."

Silence.

They filled the empty space with their frowning eyes that was locked together. It was a silence as delicate as glass, which was broken by Jason's much collected voice. "The truth is that I was a broken piece of shit that was holding himself behind anger. But then after you left, I broke again. I was trying to hold my pieces back together. I was trying to move on. But it wasn't helping that _every time_ I turned the fucking TV on, they'd show your face, and. . . "

Jason licked his lips and looked away as he said. "How was I supposed to get over you when you kept showing up in my life. . . "

Dick put his weight on his other leg. Maybe he should've sat down, they were both still standing. Jason continued without turning his head. "I avoided the media and everything regarding you and your family. Nobody talked to me about it either."

He had a feeling he knew where that conversation was going to head. So he decided to play it difficult. He decided to be a jerk about it. He didn't want anything to do with that conversation. 

"I don't know why we're even talking about that, but what makes you think I'm going to believe anything you say, after you _played_ me like that?"

Jason's head whipped to glare daggers at him. "Because you're the one who started this mess in the first place. _You're_ the one who _started it."_

"Okay, it's my fault. Again. Just like every time something goes to shit. It's always _my damn fault."_

"No, Dick." Jason took two steps forward, but stopped midway and sighed. Jason was strangely calm. It was out of character for the man to keep his composure that fast. Jason was known for his bad tempter. So. . . how. Just, _how._ Dick didn't know how many times he had to ask that question to finally get an answer.

The younger man started slowly. "No. This time, you're not alone in that fault. I. . . _we_ both made a mistake. We should've come clean to each other when we had the chance. But we didn't, because we're two stubborn shitheads and I. . . I wanna fix that."

Dick stared right back at his uncertain, but hopeful eyes. "You wanted me to admit to my mistake? Is that why you're here, Jason?"

"No. I'm here to apologize."

"I don't need your apology__."

"Just hear me out on this__."

 _NO._ Dick couldn't have any of that shit. "You think saying sorry will fix anything? Will make everything _okay_ _?_ And I'm supposed to let go, because you're _sorry_ and it's easy like that? Like making me feel humiliated wasn't enough, now you take me for a fool to believe__." _  
_

"It's _not like that."_ The desperation in the man's voice, made him pause his talking.

Jason licked his lips nervously, and started slowly again. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. But I swear my intention wasn't to pity or humiliate you. That'd be the _last_ thing I wanted to do with anyone. Especially not with you. I. . . I know your divorce wasn't a topic you felt comfortable talking to people about. So, I ignored it and, I guess I was kinda waiting for _you_ to open up to me when you felt like it. I didn't want to force you into confronting something you weren't ready for. I. . . "

He tugged his helmet under his arm. Jason looked ready to sink on the ground. Frankly, Dick felt the same too. But didn't say anything, and just listened to Jason's voice. "I was trying to melt your ice, I guess. I wanted to be the friend you trusted with your secret. Not the friend you got drunk with and blurted stuff unintentionally."

Dick's legs hurt, whether from the tension or standing for long, he didn't know. But he was sure his knees wouldn't budge for long. He just hugged his arms and waited as he stared at the said man himself. He was trying to fit the image he knew of Jason with his current words.

"So. . . sorry for any misunderstanding. I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, and I certainly didn't want to pry on your privacy. . . "

Yeah, he couldn't puzzle that man. The Jason from five years ago would've said another thing. He was a completely different person. Dick was seeing that more clear now. He was speechless before a distinct guy like that. It didn't feel right. Jason was. . . 

"So. . . yeah. That's what I wanted to tell you. I. . . I guess I better go right now. . . "

When Dick didn't seem to respond for a minute, the green-blue eyed man stepped backwards, ducked his head down and swirled on his heels to move out of the house. Dick just stood dumbfounded there. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to believe anymore.

The truth was that he was a lonely man. He was silently crying for attention, waiting for a sign that he could have faith in happiness again. That it was okay for him to be selfish. That it was _his time_ not to be blamed when everything went to shit. It felt like a revenge, like a twisted contentment that filled his whole soul up. 

Jason came back after all those years, and Dick found all those feelings in the green-blue eyed man. A sick part of him enjoyed using it, manipulating it even, liked to think it was _his turn_ to get something out of that relationship. But they were all a desperate call for recognition.

His innermost thoughts.

"Wait."

Jason stopped before touching the doorknob. That single word took all his willpower to be said out loud, but it was worth seeing that genuine expression on the younger man's face. That subtle glee and smile the man tried to mask with biting the inside of his cheeks.

 _'You were right. I am selfish. I was too busy worrying over myself that I didn't notice you, how it was effecting_ you. _I was too busy hiding my own life that I didn't notice yours. Five years is a long time. I wasn't the only one who changed. But I was too blinded by my own problems to see yours. I. . . I wanted to believe that you were too cold to remember me after I left. I wanted to believe you'd get over me sooner than I thought.'_

That was what he should've said, what he wanted to say. But he wasn't quite prepared for that conversation yet. He reminded himself again that Jason had the courage to confront him with their mess, he made an effort to fix stuff between them. The least Dick could do, was to try to pay the debt back. Jason's insecurities weren't any less than his, but yet, he was there, apologizing and justifying his actions. Dick didn't think he could be that straightforward with the man just then, but he was willing to try.

He had to start from where things went south between them. "I. . . I think I have some explanation to give now."

Jason moved his helmet under his other arm, and turned to fully look at him. "You don't have to say anything you're not comfortable with."

"No. I had enough of hiding, of. . . being scared."

"But it's fine if you're not ready__."

"I'm never gonna be ready for that."

He was tired of _that_ , but at least he was not afraid anymore. And Jason was right. He should have been honest with him in the first place. It was _their_ shit, no one to blame.

"So, let's get this over with." He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if Dick seemed to swear a lot in this chapter. . . He's been through a lot that day. As always, let me know your wonderful thoughts about this chapter, and thanks for reading. :)))


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